Paul Falsone quotes from Homicide: Life on the Street

Falsone

When it comes to silence, we Sicilians have a patent.

Falsone

[to Kellerman] You work for the dollar, I work for justice.

Stivers

You partnering with Lewis?

Falsone

Yeah, just started. Two days.

Stivers

So, you sleep together a few times, and as soon as he goes to the john, and leaves his pants behind, you're in his wallet, checking the receipts, seeing where he's been and what he's done. Either you trust a man or you don't.

Falsone

I was thinking about puttin' out one of those bikini calendars, you know, Cops of Baltimore.

What happened?

Falsone

You see the cops in Baltimore?

You're right. Munch in a thong would be a little hard on the eyes.

Falsone

So it's a murder. Wow! A hanging murder.

Lewis

A member of the Baltimore City Police Department, Homicide unit used the word 'Wow' on a crime scene?

Falsone

You gotta admit it, Meldrick, it's a little different. I mean we get shootings and cuttings, cuttings and shootings, and every now and then some mope tries to pound someone to death with a baseball bat, but who goes to the trouble of trying to hang people nowadays?

Dr. Cox

Wow!

Falsone

You're not going to go for this Gee, are you?

Giardello

At this stage in the game, I'd take help from that woman on Profiler. How quickly can we air the story?

Lewis

Falsone, you got to relax, brother. C'mon, man.

Falsone

Meldrick, are you whackin' these guys?

Lewis

I'm a cop, Falsone.

Falsone

I have to ask.

Lewis

No, no. You ain't got to ask. You think I'm like them? You think I play by those rules?

Falsone

What are you drinking? I've got you covered all night.

That's very nice of you, bitch. Jamesons straight up. You know, when I was working murders, we used to drink across the street.

Munch

The Waterfront?

In my day, we wouldn't be caught dead in the Waterfront. I'll take you to a place where true police held court.

Munch

Ouch.

Kellerman

He had a gun! That is the truth! He had a gun. [lowers arm]

Pembleton

The gun is down?

Kellerman

He had a gun; he had it!

Falsone

The gun is down. Mahoney lowered his gun. You fired. You were no longer in fear of iminent threat. You shot him down.

Pembleton

Give me your badge, Mike.

Falsone

So you're saying all black people are hip?

Lewis

Name one who ain't.

Falsone

George Washington Carver.

Michael Giardello

Please. How many things can a white man do with a peanut?

Munch

Shelled or unshelled?

Falsone

I got one. Meldrick Lewis.

Munch

Well, he is black.

Bayliss

Yep.

Michael Giardello

But not particularly hip.

Bayliss

Nope.

Lewis

What you talkin' about Willis?

Sheppard

Point taken. I guess Sammy Davis goes back on the list.

Lewis

No no no, hold on, let's just stop the game right here. I can be accused of a lot of things, but falling off the cutting edge is not one of 'em. Terri- am I down or am I down?

Stivers

What?

Lewis

Am I hip? Tell these fools.

Stivers

Uh, you have your moments.

Lewis

Moments?

Stivers

I don't know, maybe, you try too hard.

Lewis

I'm not playin' no more.

Falsone

There are moments when I actually begin to believe.

Stivers

Believe what?

Falsone

That we work for God.

Falsone

[the detectives are discussing Baltimore landmarks] Baltimore is a city of many splendors but the greatest architectural feat: Madonna's bra.

Stivers

[incredulous] What?

Lewis

Yeah, Madonna's bra. The sewage treatment plant on East Point. Them two golden cones just stickin' up outta nowhere.

Stivers

Madonna's bra.

Gharty

[chuckling] That's what the East Siders call it.

Falsone

Two golden orbs shimmering in the moonlight, towering over the landscape.

Stivers

I don't think I've ever seen it.

Falsone

Are you serious?

Gharty

To die without viewing it would mark an incomplete life.

Lewis

And for that matter, d'you ever know anybody in the witness protection program, or know anybody who knows anybody in the witness protection program?

Falsone

Nobody knows. That's the point, they're invisible. Just like the Nielsen families.

Falsone

We need to talk to you about your daughter-in-law, Joanna.

Go ahead, tell me.

Falsone

It's not the kinda thing you want screamed through the door.

She dead?

Falsone

Yes.

Okay, thanks, goodbye.

Falsone

No, Mrs. McQueen, we need to ask you about her death. You see, she was murdered.

Murdered?

Falsone

Yes.

Stupid bitch.