Coach John McGuirk quotes from Home Movies

McGuirk

What else are ya gonna do, Lynch? Are you gonna spank me? Spank me.

McGuirk...

McGuirk

[pulls down pants] Here. Here it is, spank it.

McGuirk

Alright, look! Here's what i need. Food. Fast food, preferrably. Beer. Light Beer. Preferrably.

Brendon

Alright, Melissa, do you mind fake writing this down?

Melissa

Yeah.

Brendon

OK. Go ahead!

McGuirk

I need a satellite map of this entire area

Brendon

OK. Melissa write it down

Melissa

Got it.

McGuirk

I need some hair dye, a fake moustache, i need gunpowder..

Melissa

Coach, Would you settle for some marshmellows?

McGuirk

Oh you got marshmellows?

Melissa

We can get you some marshmellows.

McGuirk

Yeah! Ill take 'em. Hey!, lets make smores! You got graham crackers?

Melissa

No.

McGuirk

Sh*t.

McGuirk

Everybody move, I got to back up. [he backed up but got bumped by a box] Oh, my God. Somebody move that box over there! [He backs up again, but got bumped yet again] Oh, [censor beep] it. [he backs up again but this time the car hit down the stage]

[clapping]

Coach McGuirk

It's called creative use of words. It's like poetry. Robert Frost, stopping by the woods on a snowy [censor beep] evening. That kind of [censor beep].

Brendon

Yeah, that's good stuff.

Coach McGuirk

But it's my poetry. It's the everyday-man's poetry.

Brendon

Yeah, yeah.

Coach McGuirk

Alright, 'cause we can't find good metaphors like the woods... or the snow, or the horse or that kind of stuff. [to referee] Oh [censor beep]-ing [censor beep] me, ref!

Hey guys.

Coach McGuirk

Hey Erik. Want a [censor beep]-ing donut?

Well what time is there?

McGuirk

What do you mean what time is it there??? What time zone are you in!!!

Don't call this number again