Shoot to kill? What do you have in the truck? Prisoners?
No, dancing girls. Of course, prisoners, you Dummkopf!
“War Takes A Holiday” · Season 3, Episode 21
In this episode: Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter (5), Robert E. Hogan (3), Wilhelm Klink (3), Hans Georg Schultz (1)
The most important prisoners you will ever see. Every important leader of the underground movement.
My congratulations, Major Hochstetter.
What is this man doing here?
Oh, I'm so sorry. Major Hochstetter, this is the American prisoner, Colonel Hogan. Colonel Hoga-
Klink, did I ask for an introduction?
I just thought I'd show the new prisoners around-with your permission, of course.
(miffed) What is this man doing here?
Schultz! Escort Colonel Hogan to the barracks at once!
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant!
(Hochstetter and Klink walk away from Hogan)A special armed guard is coming to take these prisoners to Berlin. In the meantime, I want you to prepare a maximum security block for them.
Yes, sir, maximum security. You can depend on me, heh, heh.
I am sure it's not necessary to tell you what would happen to you should there be an escape, hmm?
An escape from Stalag 13? (Laughs) That's a good on-
You will be shot.
[fearful] That's another good one.
(Klink and Hochstetter walk back, pass Hogan, and turn around, realizing he is still there)(Screaming) WHAT IS THIS MAN DOING HERE?!?!
[watching the prisoners celebrate the "end" of World War II] Look at them. We've told them they can go, and they're having such a good time they don't want to leave!
Your, uh- your prisoners have decided to leave us, but it's a long hike into town. I was wondering if they might borrow your car.
Borrow my car?
Well, they'll return it tomorrow. Won't you, fellas? These are gonna be big men in industry. And who knows, you may need a job!
Well, I don't-
Look, I tell ya what; I'll sign for it. If they don't return it, I'll pay for it!
Yes, but-
Well, what difference does it make? The war's over!
Well, yes, the war is over... but... [gives up] Oh, all right, take the car.
IGInspector General Busse
The what... is what?
The war. It's over.
IGInspector General Busse
The war is over...?
That's right, General! Haven't you heard?
IGInspector General Busse
No! And neither have the Americans! They bombed Berlin just one half-hour ago!
You mean the war isn't over?
IGInspector General Busse
Of course it is not over!
Gee, Hochstetter. What a bad break. And after you let those four Underground prisoners go. Should make a lot of friends for the Gestapo.
IGInspector General Busse
[Furious] You stupid fool, you! You have been tricked! [turns to Klink] And you! You, you, you idiot, you! I will see to it that-
Sir, I hate to butt in, but all of Colonel Klink's prisoners are still here.
Yes! Yes, that's right! [hurries to the office window and opens it] SCHULTZ! CLOSE THE GATES! THE WAR IS BACK ON!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Hogan's Heroes pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.