Hey Arnold! · Season 1
What the devil's going on?!
Woohoo! I'm a fireman! Oops!
Wolfgang, that is a flagrant violation of school safety rules not to mention federal law, you are suspended!
What?!
You heard me. You are hereby ordered to stay out of the school for one entire week!
Yes? Oh. Thank you, Harold. You’re right, I should have this fire extinguisher refilled immediately. It’s not safe, otherwise. Thank you, though. Now run along to your class.
Hey! That stupid dork was supposed to suspend me!
[he heard Harold; walks out of his office; offended] Harold, did you just call me a stupid dork?
No, no, no, no! [realizes he could be suspended for doing that] I mean yes. Yes, I did call you a stupid dork!
That's a violation against the school constitution, Article 34, Section C, Paragraph 2. You're suspended.
YES! I mean- awww, gee...
Harold, you are not supposed to be within a hundred yards of school property.
But, Principal Wartz...
Uh, sorry, Harold. But the school constitution demands that I give you another week of suspension.
Another week? No, please!
Rules are rules, I'm afraid. Now, promise me, Harold, that you won't let me catch you on the premises again.
I promise, Principal Wartz. I won't go on the premises again.
Yes, can I help you?
Someone ordered a pizza for the Teacher's Lounge?
What are you doing here, Harold?
[in a fake Italian accent] I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not Harold, I'm a little old Italian man delivering a pizza. See? I-I even have a mustache. [Wartz takes the mustache off of Harold] OW!
That's another week's suspension for you, young man.
Awwwww...
Repeat slowly after me.
Slowly after me.
No. Not yet. Alright, now! "I will not enter the school grounds for the next three weeks."
I will not enter the school grounds for the next three weeks.
Good, I'll see you in three weeks.
Good, I'll see you in three weeks.
Harold?
Harold.
D'oh!
I’ll be on school grounds in no time. What a great plan!
Hello, Son. You're digging quite a hole there, aren't you?
Yeah. See, I got suspended because I called the Principal a stupid dork. [grunts as he shovels some dirt] And now he won't let me into the school, [grunts as he shovels more dirt] so I'm gonna tunnel in.
Is that so? That's another week's suspension for you, Mr. Berman.
Awwwww... [the shovel drops on his foot] OW!
And fill up that hole.
[Arnold and Harold approach]
What the devil's wrong with you two? You are not supposed to be within a hundred yards of this school!
With all due respect, sir, according to the school constitution, article 14, section 2, paragraph 5, we are fully within our rights.
And it says here in, uh, Article 39, Section 4, when a student gets suspended, he can repeal it if there are... outside circumcisions!
[Correcting Harold] ...stances.
...stances! Right. Outside circumstances!
And we have here 40 pages of the material explaining why we have the rights to be back into school. Under article 39, we would like a review of our case by an outside agency.
You boys make a very impressive case. The only problem is that you are talking about an outdated school constitution from 1956. This is the current constitution, and there is nothing in here about any appeals, that's for sure.
[After Principal Wartz lifts Harold's suspension]
Thank you, Principal Wartz. [Starts to follow Harold into the school]
Wait a minute, where are you going? [Arnold stops]
Huh?
I didn't say anything about lifting your suspension.
But Principal Wartz, I...
Just kidding. Now run along, young one! Ah, Wartzy, you've done it again. The true principal must temper justice with mercy. It's no wonder the children love and respect me.
Hey, Wartz, ya wide load! Ha ha!
That's it, young man. You are suspended!
You can't suspend me! I'm already suspended!
Well, in that case, you are unsuspended! So get back to class.
Gotta catch me first, old ugly guy! Ha ha! Ha ha!
Come back here, pal! [Principal Wartz furiously chases Wolfgang as he falls in the hole] Whoa! HAROLD?!
Uh-oh. I sense another one of your oh-so-painfully illuminating boyhood problems. Fess up, Arnold.
It's just that Parents' Tournament Weekend is for kids and their parents, and you and Grandma are great and everything, but you're not actually my parents. I-I don't know if we belong there.
[sympathetically] Oh, Arnold.
Anyway, I think I'm too full for dessert. [leaves] Good night.
Eh, I was thinking maybe we can go back to the Parents' Tournament.
Really? But I thought you said it was just for kids with actual parents.
Yeah. But for me, that means you and Grandma.
[They smile]
So my father said, "Cost is no object, and you'll find a scarf when we go to Aspen anyway." And he bought me the most expensive one, right on the spot.
Gosh, this scarf feels soft as a lop-eared bunny rabbit.
[Thinking after Arnold picks a daisy for her] Arnold just gave me a flower! I think I'm gonna die!
What is this clear wall blocking us from outside?
It's a door. I'll get it for you.
Whatever is this contraption, Andrew?
It's a water fountain. You drink from it. [Helga pushes the button and water comes out]
I like to drink.
It means weird, and that's a major understatement. I mean, the boy's wearing pajamas for heaven's sake.
And look, there have little bears on them!
Boy howdy, talk about embarrassing!
[Arnold blushes]
Let’s go on a hayride. [Snorts]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Hey Arnold! pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
