Hey Arnold! · Season 1
Hey, that looks like my ham!
[whimpers] Ham? What ham?
Harold Berman, I can't believe my eyes. You stole my beautiful ham, and now it's ruined!
Aw, I was hungry! I was really, really hungry!
That doesn't give you the right to steal from people! You understand that?
NO! Mommy!
I'm going to have to call his momma.
Harold, I'm disturbed about two things. First of all, you stole. Stealing is against the law; Thou Shalt Not Steal.
But I was hungry, Rabbi Goldberg!
And secondly and most important, you stole a ham. Ham is not Kosher, not Kosher at all. We don't eat ham. We haven't for 5,000 years, and we don't need to start now.
I know, and I'm sorry!
Yes. I know you're sorry, because you did something that got you into trouble. But I don't think you understand why. When I was a young man about your age, I had a friend who admired a vest hanging in a tailor shop. It was a beautiful vest: red velvet with gold buttons. He coveted that vest, Harold, but didn't have the money to buy it. You know what happened? My friend stole the vest, and he was punished. He had to work at the tailor shop, learning how to cut and sew and stitch so he would see just how much work it takes to make a vest. He learned a good lesson. You can too, Harold. I have an idea.
Do you like being a butcher?
Huh? Yeah. I've been doing it for a long time.
What's your favorite kind of meat?
Don't you have sweeping to do?
What's the difference between a rump roast and a butt steak?
Hey, I got work to do! Go sweep outside! Just two more days, and he's out of my hair.
Harold, what in the name of Pete do you think you're doing?!
Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Green. You caught me stealing that turkey red-handed, didn't you? Guess you have to punish me now and make me work in your shop again, huh?
Oh, no. You are not fooling me, Harold Berman. I told you I don't want you to work in my shop anymore, and I meant it! Now go on, scram!
Uh, Mr. Green. I brought someone to help you.
Oh, no. No, Harold. I already told you, you're in more trouble than you were. You couldn't possibly be any help.
Uh, Mr. Blue.
It's Green.
Where are my briskets?
I told you, we're out of briskets!
[Harold gets hit by Arnold's ball]
Say something, big boy.
Easy squeezy, lemon peasy.
[Calls to someone off screen] Medic.
Ow! That baseball hit me right in the head!
You got dangerous lumber, kid!
It's not the hot dog!
But you see, Arnold and tall hair boy, I don’t want to be famous! I want to live my life simply! I like my banana wallpaper, I like doing my own laundry! Just give me the simple things!
[reading his poem "Knocked Down"]
I knocked down my share of buildings and leveled a lot of place
And've seen the miserable looks on the former occupants faces.
If you kick us out, Grandpa, we'll be really angry and sad,
On account that living right here has been the best time most of us has ever had.
So the thing is, Patty, I realized you're a human being too, and you have felines...? ooh, ooh, feelings!
[to Helga] Hey, don't mind me asking, but you and Arnold...Do you have some kind of thing for each other?
What? No, I mean, are you crazy, give me a break!
I was just asking. He's kind of cute.
If you like football heads. [the girls exchange smiles]
Drink Ya-Hoo Soda, it's really great. I'm telling you it's the best soda okay?
How old are you?
I'm seven years old. I'm a little kid, see?
Next!
Ehhhhhhhhhh...
Ya-Hoo Soda, just drink it.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Hey Arnold! pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
