Danny Williams quotes from Hawaii Five-0

Danny

First of all, please slow down. We don't even know which way they're going.

Steve

This road is the only way out of the marina.

Danny

Easy, please, easy, Speed Racer. HUH?!!

Max

Actually, this vehicle was engineered to be driven in this manner.

Danny

Would you stop, Max?! You're not helping! [pause; answers ringing cellphione] Kono, this is not a good time. You're interrupting vehicular manslaughter.

McGarrett

What were you guys talking about?

Danny

What were we talking about? I don't know. Stuff. General stuff. What, uh what, are you being paranoid now?

McGarrett

No, this is not paranoia, Daniel. This has been happening a lot lately. You guys have been acting weird.

Danny

Oh, okay. Well, I think you should relax, maybe, and stop overanalyzing things.

McGarrett

Relax? That's funny coming from you.

Danny

Okay, no, no, no. Do what you want to do. Be paranoid. Okay, go nuts. Let your mind play tricks on you. Next thing you know, you are going to be wearing a tin foil hat, babbling about black helicopters.

McGarrett

Black helicopters are real.

Danny

What do you mean, they're real?

McGarrett

[creepy voice] They're real.

McGarrett

[sees the grenade-shaped cake Kono is carrying] That's an awesome cake.

Danny

We were gonna jump out and yell surprise, but then we figured what's the use?

McGarrett

[deadpan] Well, you should never surprise a man who is armed and who has extensive close-quarter battle training, anyway.

Ah, that's good to keep in mind.

Kono

I will also remember that.

McGarrett

Wow.

Kono

[hands McGarrett a slice] Here you go, birthday boy.

Danny

Happy birthday, buddy.

McGarrett

Thank you. Guys, listen, I think we should just face the fact, that I'm not that easy to surprise, you know? [he takes a bite and then starts to gag in the middle of chewing]

Danny

Surprise! [everyone laughs]

Kono

Better than butter cream, right?

What's her name?

Danny

Her name is, uh is Car.

Car?

Danny

Yeah.

I'm going to find you a name. [to Callen] Shotgun.

Hold steady... [aiming his gun at the suspects' car to shoot]

Danny

Hold steady? You shoot like Ray Charles. Come on.

Watch out for the dumpster!

Danny

[deadpan] I see the dumpster. Thanks. [narrowly avoids dumpster]

Try to work on your driving position a little. Your wrists are in the wrong place.

Danny

My wrists are in the wrong––[looks at Hanna] what is it with Navy SEALs and back-seat drivers?!

Watch out for the car!!

Danny

[exasperated] I see the car!

Steve

Just be careful, okay? I don't know what Wo Fat's up to, but he wanted me to find this phone. I don't want you walking into an ambush.

Danny

Hey, listen, we will be fine. Just do me a favor: take care of your own six.

Steve

Sorry, did you say "six"? Okay, I've been gone way too long. You're starting to sound like me.

Danny

I know, I know, and it just made me want to throw up.

Danny

You get a chance to interrogate Wo Fat yet?

Steve

Sorry, Danny, that's classified.

Danny

It's classified? Is that a joke? Are you kidding me?

Steve

No, I'm not kidding.

Danny

Okay, uh, well, when are you bringing him back?

Steve

I can't tell you that either, Danny. I can't tell you these things over an unsecured line, you understand? It's a security issue.

Danny

Okay, you know what I think? I think that you think that saying stuff like that is cool. It's not cool, it's actually the opposite of cool.

Steve

So?

Danny

So what?

Steve

You gonna tell me what that was about?

Danny

I already told you, it was, uh, it was private. [Steve glares at him] All right with the Navy SEAL death stare. What, are you gonna do? You gonna waterboard me until I tell you about my private phone call?

Danny Williams

I'm gonna show you. This is, without question, the most beautiful view on the planet Earth. This is a very special place. Sit down. I actually came here on my very first day to Hawaii.

Really?

Danny

Yeah. I mean, it was an accident. See, I was driving around and I got lost. This is very hard to do on an island, but I managed to figure it out. So I ran out of gas, ran right here and I ended up sitting right here. I'm looking out at this beautiful view. The only thing I can think about is how homesick I was. I'd only been here half a day and I'm already homesick. And I looked out and I said, "You know, a view this beautiful, maybe this rock ain't so bad, huh?" Then I came to my senses and I realized the only way this place would be tolerable is if I get to be here with you. That's the most important thing to me. And that's never gonna change, Monkey, okay? All right, a little kiss? [Grace kisses him] Ah, that's the best. All right, I'll be right back. [walks away and dials phone] Hey, Rachel, it's Danny. Uh, listen. You know, I, uh I didn't want it to come to this, but you are leaving me no choice. I'm gonna contest the custody modification. There's zero chance I'm letting you take Grace away from me. Okay? Not without a fight.

Danny

[looks at Steve] On the phone you said you were bringing Shelburne back.

Steve

Yeah, this is Shelburne. [points to his mom]

Doris

[greets Danny] You can call me Mom, like someone should.

Danny

"Mom"? Whose mom?

Steve

That'd be mine.

Doris

Doris McGarrett.

Danny

Danny Williams. You know, uh, for a woman who died in a car bomb you are remarkably well put together.

Doris

Thank you, I'll take that as a compliment.

Danny Williams

You okay? Your mother said that she exchanged gunfire with Wo Fat, right?

Steve

Yeah, right before he escaped out the window. Why?

Danny

Crime lab just finished processing the safe house. Found evidence of only one weapon being fired in that bedroom. Ballistics matched it to the gun that Catherine gave Doris.

Steve

All right? All three slugs were pulled out of the floor.

Danny

So either your mother is a terrible shot, or she deliberately tried not to shoot Wo Fat.

Steve

You're saying you think she let him get away?

Danny

No, I'm asking: why didn't she kill him when she had the chance?

Danny Williams

Any idea how your prints ended up on the stolen artwork? I mean, gloves. That's what I would have done. I mean, I figure an old pro like you would know to wear gloves.

Steve McGarrett

Thirty years in prison made you rusty, March.

Maybe it's just old age.

McGarrett

Maybe.

I'm not going back to jail.

McGarrett

I don't think you have a choice.

What are my options?

McGarrett

I don't think you understand. You-you don't have any options.

Steve

I told you, if you wanna catch anything today, Danny, we gotta trawl.

Danny

No, no, no. Trawling is not fishing. That is you just driving around on a boat, just like you driving my car.

Steve

Time out. I thought the mission today was to get you your first tuna.

Danny

Why does everything have to be a mission?!

Steve

The goal is to help you catch your ahi.

Danny

[interrupts Steve] There's no goal. There's no mission. We are just fishing. What that means is, we relax, we have a couple of laughs. Maybe we catch a fish, maybe we do not.

Steve

All right. Well, this right here, this is called sitting on a boat and not catching anything. Just so you know.

Danny

Fine. That's where the beer comes in. [goes to the cooler to get two bottles of beer]

Steve

Save your energy. I'm gonna tow us, ok?

Danny

How are you gonna tow us? We're miles away from land.

Steve

Just relax Danny, I've done it before.

Danny

Oh you've done it before. I see, 'cause you like this, huh? [Steve smirks at Danny ranting] This is fun for you, you enjoy this, this is a challenge for you, right? That skills test. "Be all you can be" and all that crap?!

Steve

[deadpan] That's the Army.

Danny

[spots a shark behind Steve] Right behind you!! Get in the boat!! Get back in the boat! [Steve climbs back onto the inflatable dinghy]

Steve

It's a dinghy.

Danny

It's a dinghy, huh? Even in the face of death you are annoying.

Steve

Woah, that's a tiger shark, man.

Danny

Tiger shark.

Steve

Yeah

Danny

Well, no big deal then right? Have you seen Shark Week? I don't wanna be like Shark Week, all right?! If that thing gets near you, you punch it in the nose, trust me.

Steve

I'm not gonna punch it in the nose.

Danny

That's what you're supposed to do! Otherwise it eats your hand. I'm telling you. I know this stuff.

Steve

I'm not gonna disrespect this animal by provoking it.

Danny

Don't get all "island" on me now, ok?