Danny Williams quotes from Hawaii Five-0

Danny

I wanted to ask you about the pet deposit. You see, my daughter, she wants a dog.

I'm sorry. We have a strict no-pet policy.

Danny

What are you talking about? What about the old lady?

What old lady?

Danny

The old lady with the big dopey hat and the little dog and she was gardening. She's the one that told me the elevator was bust... which by the way you're gonna fix, right?

Sounds like you're describing Mrs Kakoa.

Danny

OK, Mrs Kokoa.

But old Mrs Kakoa died five years ago. She fell down the elevator shaft.

McGarrett

OK, we're all set up.

Danny

Emm... yeah, we're gonna leave.

McGarrett

What?

Danny

Pack it up. Pack it all up.

Steve

Can you explain to me again why I'm sitting in the back and the dog is riding shotgun?

Danny

I already told you, he needs the window.

Steve

Oh, yes, right. How else is he gonna enjoy his tour of Waikiki?

Danny

You know, for your information, dogs get carsick.

Steve

Really?

Danny

Yeah, it's a fact.

Steve

Oh, it's a fact?

Danny

Yeah.

Steve

So, all of a sudden you're a dog expert?

Danny

No, not all of a sudden; I've had dogs my entire life.

Steve

Really? You didn't have a dog when I met you.

Danny

Yeah. Yes, I did, but I lost the dog in the divorce. Rachel got custody of my dog.

Steve

What happened to it?

Danny

He was old. He died in the quarantine process. Which is another reason why I hate this miserable island.

Steve

[mutters] Guess that makes two of you.

Danny

[to dog] Yeah buddy! [grins to himself] I knew I liked this guy for a reason.

Danny

What we need to know from you is who around here poaches animals?

Kamekona

Why are you asking me? I sell shrimp, not baby seals.

Danny

I was watching that.

Steve

Through the blanket?

Danny

Oh, well, I was listening anyway.

Steve

Yeah, I mean, because there's nothing more soothing than the sound of somebody trying to sell you gold coins, right?

Danny

You know, I need something to block out the sound of the ocean 'cause the waves keep crashing over and over and over again, Steven.

Steve

Some would say it's a relaxing sound, Danny.

Danny

Yeah? Some people would. And other people, like myself, would say it's Hawaiian water torture, okay? Two weeks now, I can't take it anymore.

Steve

Okay, you know I don't mind you crashing with me till you find your own place, right?

Danny

I appreciate that.

Steve

Okay, but I can't sleep with the TV on.

Danny

I can't sleep with the TV off.

Steve

And we discussed that before you moved in.

Danny

Yeah, we did. I think I remember that it's McGarrett house rule number 32: No TV after midnight.

Steve

I'm sorry the hotel didn't work out for you.

Steve

I have become accustomed to doing things a certain way.

Danny

Yeah, I know, and your way, your way is completely insane. It's nuts. Who can take a shower in under three minutes?

Steve

Have you ever heard of a navy shower, Danny? A navy shower?

Danny

No. Where do you think I would have heard of something like a navy shower? I'm not in the navy!

Steve

[answers his phone] McGarrett. We're on our way. [to a half-awake Danny] Put your pants on. We're going to work.

Steve

[on the phone with Max] Say, Max, uh, is it possible that you're upset with us-- perhaps Danny-- for some reason? [Max hangs up]

Danny

Did he just hang up on us?

Steve

I think he did. Max? [no answer] Yeah.

Danny

Definitely something you did.

Danny

I do believe that I found a place.

Steve

Really?

Danny

Yeah, nice little house for rent right down the street from you.

Steve

Forget about it.

Danny

Oh, right, rule number 56: No coworkers living on the same block.

Steve

[deadpan] Something like that, yeah, just no, put it out of your mind.

Three days ago, the Five-O task force seized $80 million worth of cocaine being smuggled into Honolulu Harbor on a Colombian fishing vessel.

Steve

I see you broke out the formal wear, too, huh?

Danny

Dog and pony show– perfect occasion to wear a tie.

Kono

I always liked the tie.

Five-O’s courageous actions have made our state a safer place. Five-O acted in cooperation with Customs, DEA and HPD to orchestrate an efficient and coordinated takedown of what appears to be a major player in the global drug trade. We appreciate the help from our law enforcement counterparts and will continue to rely on them as this investigation moves forward. We feel we sent a strong message to the South American cartels. The state of Hawaii will not be used as a way station for illegal narcotic trafficking.

Steve

What do we know?

Danny

Looks like a kidnapping, right? We got 16 kids, three adults from South Shore Children’s Academy; they were on a field trip. Someone comes, takes the whole bus.

Steve

Parents been notified?

Danny

Kono’s on her way to the school right now to meet them and prepare them for a ransom call.

Steve

Who's the vic, Chin?

Jay Katsu, driver of the bus. Still waiting on Max, but the cause of death appears to be three gunshots to the chest, close range.

Danny

Here’s what I think. All right, guy gets out of the bus to see what’s going on. Comes over here– boom– gets popped by one of the kidnappers.

Steve

[notices something odd on cars] Wait a minute.

What are you thinking?

Steve

This accident was staged. Look at this. There’s no skid marks. Neither of the airbags have been deployed. There’s minimal damage.

Danny

Now who do these cars belong to?

Well, HPD ran the plates. Turns out, both vehicles were reported stolen last night.

Lori Weston

I just spoke to the witness who called 911. She came on the accident about 20 minutes ago. Driver was already dead.

Danny

She see the school bus?

Lori

Yeah, she reported seeing one traveling at high speeds, heading south.

Well, if they reached the H3, they could be anywhere on the island.

Steve

All right, we need the cell numbers of all the people on that bus. Pinging their phones is gonna be our best chance of locating them.

Steve McGarrett

And the uh... the handcuffs?

Lori Weston

Oh uh, Danny was showing me the uh...

Steve

Jersey slip?

Danny

The hood rat cuff slip. All the kids are doing it back east. So thought I'd show her.

Lori

Yeah, and um we [clears her throat] lost the key somewhere. I think it's in the couch.

[after being tackled and handcuffed by Danny] Hey! That hurts man.

Danny

That hurts? You just jumped out of a window and this hurts.

Steve

Hey Danny, that was an impressive tackle. Like what they do at UH.

Danny

How you're doin?

Steve

Good. Yeah. Good. The Governor just shut down Five-O but I'm all right.

Danny

What did you tell him?

Steve

Everything.

Danny

Ok, see, that was your first mistake, you understand? On top of being too competitive, you're also too honest.

Steve

Look, we screwed up this time, Danny, ok? My fault. We went too far.

Danny

Ohhh, ok, this is your pity party. Is it a personal invite-only or can anybody else attend? Can I come too? [Steve smirks] It's nobody's fault. You did what you had to do. That's it.

Steve

Time travel doesn't exist.

Max

On the contrary, there are several theories....

Danny

With all due respect. For argument's sake, let's say this man didn't own a DeLorean and is from the 21st century.

Steve

Don't you want Grace to know that you're happy? You're her daddy.

Danny

Hey I am happy.

Steve

You're never happy.

Danny

I'm happy when I'm not around you.

Steve

That's a lie too. You love me.

Steve

[after Danny invites him over for dinner] I just wanna know who's going.

Danny

Friends. Friends are going.

Steve

All right. Good. What's the deal?

Danny

There's no deal! What, there's gotta be a deal because I invite my friends to dinner?

Steve

You never invite your friends anywhere.

Danny

Incorrect. I just did.