Danny Williams quotes from Hawaii Five-0

Danny Williams

What else wrong do you think could happen? Maybe, if we're lucky, they'll have a trial at sea and they'll make us walk the plank.

Steve

Just relax.

Danny

Hey, there ain't going to be too many more relaxes, okay?

Steve

Look at it like this: You're going to have a great story to tell Grace one day.

Danny

And the moral of that story is this: Never go deep-sea fishing with a Navy SEAL. No, no, scratch that-never go fishing with you.

Steve

Should've used you for bait.

Sorry for the misunderstanding, Commander McGarrett, Detective Williams. Member of your team verified your credentials.

Danny

Well, next time I get forced into the ocean at gunpoint, I'll be sure to have my credentials.

Kamekona

I'll leave this with you, then. [gives Danny a piece of paper]

Danny Williams

What is this?

Kamekona

It's a bill.

Danny

I see that it's a bill, but why are you giving it to me? I brought you a fish what are you charging me for?

Kamekona

My cooking services.

Danny

What?

Kamekona

Superior life skills.

Kelly

What is that, like a corkage fee?

Kamekona

Exactly.

Danny

Oh, cooking what? What'd you cook? It's raw fish. You didn't cook anything.

Kamekona

All right, you brought me fish, I gave you a meal.

Danny

So what, she breaks into your house and just starts cooking?

Steve

Yeah, pretty much.

Danny

That's very strange. Although, she is a McGarrett after all.

Catherine

Don't beat yourself up about that. Grace is at the age where, you know, she's discovering her independence.

Danny

She's 10. What independence? And if I can't compete now, what's gonna happen when she gets to high school?

Catherine

Wait till she starts dating.

Danny

Dating? [Catherine nods her head] What, are you trying to make me feel better? You're not doing a very good job.

Danny

You going to a hip-hop class later or what?

Max

Halloween party. This year I decided to continue my tradition of Keanu-themed costumes by dressing up as Ted "Theodore" Logan from the 1989 classic Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure.

Steve

[does a ILY sign] "Party time." [looks at Danny] Excellent.

Danny

No, no, no.

Max

That catchphrase is from Wayne's World. What you are looking for was simply "Excellent" or "Party on, dude," but thank you for the effort.

Steve

Okay, it was very close.

Danny

What's up?

Steve

Heard you went dress shopping.

Danny

That's right.

Steve

There something I should know?

Danny

Something? Yeah, I like to wear dresses. Why do you always go for the cheap shot?

Steve

Subtlety doesn't work with you. A hammer is always best. I'm just hoping you got something with a nice, plunging neckline so you can show off that Chewbacca chest.

Danny

There's a father-daughter dance tonight.

Steve

Oh but you can't dance.

Danny

Sure, I can dance. I just choose not to.

That's a smart move.

Danny

Excuse me?

You forget I saw you dance at my wedding, brah.

Kono

Yeah, the overbite shuffle. I remember. [Chin and Steve chuckle]

Danny

Is everybody done with their cute critiques?

Catherine

Lieutenant Catherine Rollins, assistant to Steve McGarrett. How can I help you?

Steve

[Danny is chuckling in the background] [embarrassed] Did you ever think that maybe, just maybe, I can't live without you?

Danny

[whispers to Steve] No, no, she's way too smart to fall for that.

Catherine

You really think I'm gonna fall for that?

Danny

[smirks at Steve] See?

Danny

I cannot miss it.

Steve

You're not gonna miss it.

Danny

Okay, well, don't jinx it.

Steve

How–– I'm not–– I'm not gonna jinx it.

Danny

Okay, well, don't say anything else about it.

Steve

[after an awkward silence] You gonna wear a suit?

Danny

What'd I just say? What did I just say?

Steve

You told me not to talk about the dance. I'm talking about your wardrobe.

Danny

What I choose to wear and tonight's dance are directly related.

Steve

Okay.

You done? I want to talk to my lawyer.

Danny

What, exactly, are you gonna tell your lawyer? Huh? That Five-O raided your illegal hack shop, during which you fired a big cannon at my face. And then following your apprehension, we download everything on these goofy little computers, and we find out that you are indeed a world-class cyber thief. Go ahead, call. Use my phone, I'll dial it for you.

Let me guess, you're a cop?

Danny

Uh, yes, I'm a cop. What gave it away?

Slacks and a button down.

Danny

Ha! Well, at least I'm not wearing a tie, right?

How old's your daughter?

Danny

My daughter. How do you know I got a daughter? You run a background check on me?

No. You have some glitter on your shirt.

Danny

Williams: Oh Yeah, she's, uh she's obsessed with the stuff.

Steve

I once saw a boar kill a tiger in India. This is serious business, okay? I'll tell you why. Boars are deadly, unpredictable beasts. They are everywhere on this island. They are all around us right now. They can attack without warning, so you guys have to be ready to protect yourselves at all times. You understand? [the girls nod in fascination] Good. We're gonna talk about the kill zone now. This is very important, okay?

[to Danny] Seriously? "Kill zone"?

Danny

[looks apologetically at Madeline] I am very sorry.

I thought you brought him here to teach them survival skills. You brought Colonel Kurtz.

Danny

Let's, um let's take this opportunity to talk about something else. Um, something useful, like how to find fresh water. Or, uh-- I don't know-- how to build a pillow out of-of flowers, something like that, something appropriate for the age group.

Steve

Yeah, we could definitely do that. Okay. Or Who wants to learn how to do that? [throws his knife into the tree trunk, girls look at him in awe]

Danny

[to Steve] You know what? There's something pathologically wrong with you.

Danny

You know, on the plus side, we've figured out that camping is terrible, as I've always believed.

Steve

Are you kidding me? These girls are never, ever gonna forget this experience.

Danny

Yeah, I'm hoping that they're repressing the memories as we speak.

Steve

[Danny helps him back on his feet] Thanks.

Danny

Yeah, no problem.

Steve

So, how's the arm?

Danny

It also hates camping.

Grace

I talked to Lucy today.

Danny

Yeah? How's she doing?

Grace

Happy to be home. She said one day she's gonna marry Uncle Steve when she grows up.

Danny

[chuckles] Well, we will not hold that against her, right?