Danny Williams quotes from Hawaii Five-0

McGarrett

Your captain said you transferred in from New Jersey six months ago, so your eye’s still fresh.

Danny

You know, I appreciate it, but my psych eval’s not for six weeks.

McGarrett

Fold-out bed, no ring on your finger—you obviously moved here to be close to your daughter. Which means in between visits, all you got is your job, and you take pride in it. That’s what I’m looking for.

Danny

Yeah, but you know what? It’s guys like you who think you know how to do everything better, and that only makes my job harder.

McGarrett

You got no choice, detective. The governor gave me jurisdiction; I’m making you my partner. We’re gonna get along great.

Look, I can't be a cop anymore.

McGarrett

Why not?

Because I can't be! You understand? HPD accused me of taking payoffs, so I'm the last person the department wants to see wearing a badge. I've gotta go.

Danny

This is going really well.

McGarrett

Did you take the money?

Excuse me?

McGarrett

[more directly] Did you take the money?

No.

McGarrett

Then come with us. And we don't need to talk about this again. Ever. This is your ticket back into the game. Call it payback, call it whatever you want, I don't care, but I need you.

How do you know you can trust me?

McGarrett

Because my old man did.

McGarrett

Tell the Coast Guard to find that body.

Danny

What do you want me to do with this one?

McGarrett

Book 'em, Danno.

Steve McGarrett

What's in the bag?

Danny

Those doughnut-looking things they sell around the block.

McGarrett

Malasadas?

Danny

Yeah, whatever. They're fried and they taste good. You want one?

McGarrett

No. Not without bypass surgery.

Danny

If the suspect dies, he loses the ability to speak—ergo, he’s useless to us!

McGarrett

"Ergo"?

McGarrett

Book ’em, Danno.

Danny

Really? I mean is that gonna be a thing now?

McGarrett

You don’t like it?

Danny

I don’t like it.

McGarrett

I think it’s catchy.

Danny

What’s that look?

McGarrett

What look?

Danny

The look. The look you give me when you don’t tell me what you’re thinking, and the next thing I know I’m getting shot at.

Danny

[to gate intercom] Rachel, just hear me out, okay? Before you sic your lawyers on me and try to take Grace away from me, I wanna remind you of something. I moved 5,000 miles so that I could see Grace twice a week. Twice a week, okay? [reads from paper] That is 48 hours, 52 times a year, for a grand total of 2,500 hours and when you factor in sleep and school, I can really only count on about 400 hours of real face time each year. And, you know, it's only gonna shrink when she starts making friends, and then she goes off to college. [feels despondent] So ultimately, that does not leave me with a lot of time to spend with my daughter. Not as much as I would want, but I never complained. I never complained because every single one of those minutes reminds me of what I am doing and why I am here. That little girl is my life. So I'm asking you, I am begging you, Rachel, to please, please just be kind and don't take her away from me. That's all.

Uh, I will get Ms. Rachel for you, sir.

Detective Williams, this is Rachel's counsel.

Danny

Yeah, will you put Rachel on, please?

That won't be necessary.

Danny

Don't tell me what's necessary. Just do what I tell you to do.

Rachel's dropping the petition.

Danny

She's what?

She's decided not to fight you for visitation. [gate opens to let Danny in]

Chin Ho

Your dad couldn't stop screaming.

McGarrett

You were there with my dad?

Yeah. I was fresh out of the academy, he was my training officer. I'll tell you, any day that Steve McGarrett was starting at quarterback was an official day off.

Danny

I got one question. What’s a quarterback doing wearing the number fifty?

McGarrett

Five-0.

Danny

Yeah.

McGarrett

No, it’s not fifty, it’s five-0. It’s what my dad used to call our family, because we weren’t native Hawaiian. Five-0. I don’t know; it was his way of making us feel like we belonged somewhere I guess.

Kono

I like that. Five-0.

Anything traumatic recently, with the knee?

Danny

Yeah, actually. I got a new partner.

[amused] I was thinking more about a physical injury.

Danny

No, no, this-this guy is like a physical injury, Doc. Ten minutes after meeting him, I get shot and blasted backwards through a window, okay? A few hours after that, he drives a car not joking onto the deck of a Chinese freighter ship. And, yes, I was in it. The car, not the ship.

He drove a car onto a boat?

Danny

Yeah. He's an animal. And I sorta get the feeling that he's just getting warmed up.

Ouch.

Steve

You saying I’m not cool?

Danny

In certain situations. Like when you’ve got a gun pointed in your face, or you’re trying to decide whether to cut the red wire or the blue wire. But actual human interaction, mammal-to-mammal, you could use some work.

Steve

Thanks, Dr. Phil.

Danny

[to waitress] I like pancakes in the afternoon. You like pancakes?

Steve

I like pancakes.

Danny

Really? You seem like more of a napalm in the morning kind of guy.

Steve

That too.

Danny

[to McGarrett] So you know, the other guy getting the ball in the hoop—that’s bad.

Steve

Hey, Danno, shut up.

Danny

Do me a favor, don’t call me Danno, okay?

How long you two been married?

Steve

You don’t think I’m a happy person?

Danny

I’m sure you have your moments. Like when Guns & Ammo puts out its holiday gift guide, or a Rambo retrospective comes on TV.

Danny

They teach you that in SEAL school?

Steve

Yeah, it’s called the using the Internet. People have been doing it since the early ’90s. You might wanna look into it.

Danny

I guess I was still playing Ms. Pac-Man.

Steve

Yeah? You ever get to the double pretzel level?

Danny

Triple banana, bitch.

Steve

You’re a liar.