DannyNo, he's still fishing out body parts. I think he's enjoying it, too.
EEric
I can't believe that was a person. Crispy.
Danny
Um, I told you my nephew was maybe gonna come visit from Jersey. Well, that happened. Here he is.
EEric
[greets Steve] What's up, bro? Call me E-Train.
Danny
[annoyed] Put your hand down, okay? That's not your bro, your name's Eric.
[...]
Danny
My sister's worried sick, does not know what to do with him. So she sent him to me, maybe I can, I don't know, scare some sense into him.
Danny
He just saw his first dead body and he's still acting like a complete idiot so, I guess I have my work cut out for me.
Danny
Thought nobody wore a tie in Hawaii.
No, they don't, but, you know, it's a special day, so I thought I'd wear one. 'Course, I'm wearing my dress blues. They'd make me walk the plank if I don't wear a tie with the dress blues.
Danny
How come the blues are black?
I know they're black; I don't know why.
Danny
Thank you very much for being here-- it means a lot.
Danny
[after Steve gets orders from Governor Denning to investigate a case] Is this official business, or is this a favor?
What difference does it make?
Danny
Well, it makes a very big difference, you see, because official business is, uh, official. A favor is like a quid pro quo kind of deal, right? You solve this murder case for me, and I will give you, uh, oh, five days' paid vacation. Right? Or tickets to Monster Truck Jam, or whatever.
Monster Truck Jam's not in town.
Danny
Okay, so then it is, indeed, official business.
Danny
It seems to me like we're taking a case just to protect the governor's friends.
We're the governor's task force.
Danny
Then why does it feel like we are performing janitorial services, blindfolded, I might add.
We've been given a directive, Danny.
Danny
Oh, right, I understand. When McGarrett gets an order, he takes the order. You know what you're like? You're like one of those windup toy soldiers. Let me get you a drum for Christmas to beat.
[Five-0 has just taken down Curt Stoner, and McGarrett checks his body. He suddenly sees Ben Keoki, Troy Ookala, and his own father smiling at him]
BKBen Keoki
We just wanted to thank you, Steve.
[shakes John's hand] Dad.
You're all I could've hoped for in a son, Steven. I'm proud of you.
Danny Williams
Steve, come on!
Give me a sec! [looks back to officers to see they're gone]
[Danny and Steve just stopped Kamekona from seeking revenge for the death of his cousin.]
Danny
You do this, you're gonna end up in prison, and we do not want that.
Danny
Don't give me a puppy-dog sad eyes, please. You're not off the hook.
You're on house arrest till this I over.
I've got an island to feed, brah.
Danny
Okay, then you are on shrimp truck lockdown till otherwise advised. Is that clear?
Like the sweet waters of Hanauma Bay.
Danny
No.
Then why are you staring at me?
Danny
You hired somebody to run surveillance on your mother?
Okay, I know what you're gonna say.
Danny
Well, what am I gonna say?
That hiring somebody to spy on their mother is the act of a crazy person.
Danny
Uh, yeah, I would've used different words like, uh, "whack job" or "psychopath". "Crazy" works, though. It works.
I had no choice, Danny, okay?
Danny
Have you ever tried speaking to your mother like a like a human being, like normal people do?
What am I going to say? "Mom, I know you're running a covert op. What is it?"
Danny
Yeah, that would work.
[Danny and Steve were arguing about which of Peyton Manning or Tom Brady is the better quarterback of their generation]
Look, I think the takeaway is we're living in the new golden age of quarterbacks. We got Brady, Manning, Rodgers, Brees. It's almost an embarrassment of riches.
[pauses] That's a deeply insightful analysis.
I just hate to see you two guys fight.
Danny
[looks at Steve] Fight?
Danny
So let me get this straight. You're telling me people, they pay good money to get chased around and shot at with a pellet gun?
Everything about these guns is real except for the ammunition they fire. Trust me, those training rounds, they pack more of a punch than you'd think.
Danny
I'll take your word for it.
You know what? We should come and do one of these tactical simulations sometime. It's fantastic for team building.
Danny
No, no, no. Listen, working with you is harrowing enough, okay? I do not need you hunting me for sport.
You're right. It wouldn't be much of a challenge.
Danny
Hey. What the, uh, what the hell is this?
What, I can't surprise Steve at work?
Danny
No, you can do that. I'm talking about the, uh, the jersey.
Oh, oh, well, we moved around a lot when I was a kid, so you know, I never stayed in one place long enough to get tied to a team.
Danny
Oh, so you willingly root for the Dallas Cowboys, huh?
Yeah. Come on. Who doesn't like America's team?
Danny
We don't.
And, uh, if I recall correctly, my Redskins humiliated your Cowboys the last time they played.
Danny
That's very cute. You got a Cowboys fan dating a Redskins fan. That's like the Capulets and the Montagues.
(chuckles) That's good. I'm gonna give you an A plus for that literary reference.
Danny
Oh, you got that? Thanks. Yeah.
But actually, um, I came here with a peace offering for Steve. See, the NFL hooked up my unit with some tickets for the game tomorrow. So, you and I are going to the Pro Bowl. What? (laughs)
I'm already going with Danny.
Danny
We got 50 yard line seats. Best seats in the house.
We got them this morning. I'm sorry.
That's... that's cool. Okay. Um, you know what, my seats are-are pretty good. So I'm sure I can find someone else to take it. It's good.
Danny
I'm gonna just let that awkward moment fade out a little bit. We got a bar to go to.
For a case. We're going to a bar for a case.
Danny
It's a case. A bar case.
Hey, why don't we do some tailgating before the game together? You and me?
Yeah, I would love that. But I don't want to get in the way of your man-date with Danny.
Anyway, Kamekona already invited himself, so it's fine; you're not getting in the way. [smirks and kisses Catherine]
Mmm, that's a three-way bromance. Cute.
Maybe you'd like to explain to me how your fingerprints ended up on this discarded gas can right by the crime scene.
CCraig
Eye for an eye. It's in the Bible.
Danny
So is, "Thou shalt not kill." You skip that chapter or what?
CCraig
Hey, my brother was murdered. What, do you expect me to go back to work?
No. We expect you to mourn, and then plan a funeral for your brother. Not go out and try burying more people.
[Steve, Danny and Max are in Kamekona's helicopter flying over the islands. Max suddenly starts singing the Magnum, P.I. theme.]
Danny
Hey, hey! What are you doing? You getting a seizure? Stop it.
I just felt the Magnum, P.I. theme was appropriate.
Oh, I used to love that show. Higgy Baby was the man.
I was very fond of Higgins myself. And Commander McGarrett shares the same Navy SEAL lineage as Magnum, and... [looks sheepishly at Danny]
Danny
And what? What? I'm not Rick, okay?
Well, everyone can agree that you're Commander McGarrett's humorous sidekick. [Steve chuckles]
And if we're playing this game, it's obvious who I am: the dashing chopper pilot, T.C. [gang hums theme]
[Savannah is sitting at the back of Danny's car as he and Steve are driving to question a suspect]
Okay, let me get this straight-- this is Detective Williams' car, but Commander McGarrett does all the driving?
It's 'cause I'm the better driver.
Danny
He's a control freak. That's why he drives.
And he's got issues with, uh, the truth.
Danny
[looks at Steve] Why don't you tell her about the remote control thing you got?
What remote control thing?
Danny
The thing where you come to my house and you grab the clicker and you got to be in charge and you got to pick which TV station we watch.
Okay, the way I was brought up...
Danny
Uh-huh.
[shrugs] ...it's polite to let the guest choose, oh, what you're gonna watch on TV, all right?
Danny
Okay. Fair enough. What about having to be first through every single door? Or having the last word every conversation? Or picking where I eat lunch every single day?
Danny
Why? What-what does Emily Post have to say about that? Hmm?
I mean, you're indecisive. I can't help it if you're indecisive.
Danny
I'm not indecisive. You're a control freak.
[to the camera, Steve and Danny continue arguing in the background] These two fight, but really they love each other.
Hawaii Five-0 · 427 quotes
