Steve McGarrett quotes from Hawaii Five-0

Joe White

I know you took my passport.

Steve McGarrett

[gives back passport] What are you doing in Japan? [sees Joe sigh, but doesn't answer] You might as well tell me, 'cause I'm not gonna stop asking.

Joe

I was hoping you wouldn't say that.

Joe White

You're interfering with something you don't understand.

Steve McGarrett

Then why don't you explain it to me, Joe? Tell me what the hell's going on! You gotta wake up. The walls are closing in on you. HPD wants answers. The Yakuza wants blood. Shelburne - is he worth this? Is he worth going to jail for? Is he worth dying for?

Joe

People are already dying, son. I'M TRYING TO MAKE IT STOP!

Steve McGarrett

Okay, all right, if it was an investigation into the Yakuza, then why does Wo Fat care so much about Shelburne?

Joe White

Because Shelburne killed his father.

Steve

And by Shelburne, you mean my father.

Joe

No, it was me. I killed him.

[after being tackled and handcuffed by Danny] Hey! That hurts man.

Danny

That hurts? You just jumped out of a window and this hurts.

Steve

Hey Danny, that was an impressive tackle. Like what they do at UH.

Danny

How you're doin?

Steve

Good. Yeah. Good. The Governor just shut down Five-O but I'm all right.

Danny

What did you tell him?

Steve

Everything.

Danny

Ok, see, that was your first mistake, you understand? On top of being too competitive, you're also too honest.

Steve

Look, we screwed up this time, Danny, ok? My fault. We went too far.

Danny

Ohhh, ok, this is your pity party. Is it a personal invite-only or can anybody else attend? Can I come too? [Steve smirks] It's nobody's fault. You did what you had to do. That's it.

Catherine Rollins

So, uh what's with the bag and the uniform?

Steve McGarrett

I felt bad that our weekend got blown up by a case. And, uh I figured since I was due for my reserve drill, I'd put in a request to, um, to do it on the Enterprise.

Catherine

Really?

Steve

Yeah, with you.

Catherine

Huh. You know, that's, um so much better than chocolate. [embraces] Steve]

Steve

I thought you'd like that.

Catherine

Yeah. Now, you know that you will also be doing your reserve with about 3,000 other sailors, right? So, we're not gonna get a whole lot of time together

Steve

Right. Yeah but, um it's a really long flight.

Steve

Time travel doesn't exist.

Max

On the contrary, there are several theories....

Danny

With all due respect. For argument's sake, let's say this man didn't own a DeLorean and is from the 21st century.

Steve

Don't you want Grace to know that you're happy? You're her daddy.

Danny

Hey I am happy.

Steve

You're never happy.

Danny

I'm happy when I'm not around you.

Steve

That's a lie too. You love me.

Steve

[after Danny invites him over for dinner] I just wanna know who's going.

Danny

Friends. Friends are going.

Steve

All right. Good. What's the deal?

Danny

There's no deal! What, there's gotta be a deal because I invite my friends to dinner?

Steve

You never invite your friends anywhere.

Danny

Incorrect. I just did.

Danny

First of all, please slow down. We don't even know which way they're going.

Steve

This road is the only way out of the marina.

Danny

Easy, please, easy, Speed Racer. HUH?!!

Max

Actually, this vehicle was engineered to be driven in this manner.

Danny

Would you stop, Max?! You're not helping! [pause; answers ringing cellphione] Kono, this is not a good time. You're interrupting vehicular manslaughter.

[to Danny] Book 'em, Muscles.

Steve

[smirks] I like this guy.

McGarrett

What were you guys talking about?

Danny

What were we talking about? I don't know. Stuff. General stuff. What, uh what, are you being paranoid now?

McGarrett

No, this is not paranoia, Daniel. This has been happening a lot lately. You guys have been acting weird.

Danny

Oh, okay. Well, I think you should relax, maybe, and stop overanalyzing things.

McGarrett

Relax? That's funny coming from you.

Danny

Okay, no, no, no. Do what you want to do. Be paranoid. Okay, go nuts. Let your mind play tricks on you. Next thing you know, you are going to be wearing a tin foil hat, babbling about black helicopters.

McGarrett

Black helicopters are real.

Danny

What do you mean, they're real?

McGarrett

[creepy voice] They're real.

McGarrett

[sees the grenade-shaped cake Kono is carrying] That's an awesome cake.

Danny

We were gonna jump out and yell surprise, but then we figured what's the use?

McGarrett

[deadpan] Well, you should never surprise a man who is armed and who has extensive close-quarter battle training, anyway.

Ah, that's good to keep in mind.

Kono

I will also remember that.

McGarrett

Wow.

Kono

[hands McGarrett a slice] Here you go, birthday boy.

Danny

Happy birthday, buddy.

McGarrett

Thank you. Guys, listen, I think we should just face the fact, that I'm not that easy to surprise, you know? [he takes a bite and then starts to gag in the middle of chewing]

Danny

Surprise! [everyone laughs]

Kono

Better than butter cream, right?

Steve

Just be careful, okay? I don't know what Wo Fat's up to, but he wanted me to find this phone. I don't want you walking into an ambush.

Danny

Hey, listen, we will be fine. Just do me a favor: take care of your own six.

Steve

Sorry, did you say "six"? Okay, I've been gone way too long. You're starting to sound like me.

Danny

I know, I know, and it just made me want to throw up.

Danny

You get a chance to interrogate Wo Fat yet?

Steve

Sorry, Danny, that's classified.

Danny

It's classified? Is that a joke? Are you kidding me?

Steve

No, I'm not kidding.

Danny

Okay, uh, well, when are you bringing him back?

Steve

I can't tell you that either, Danny. I can't tell you these things over an unsecured line, you understand? It's a security issue.

Danny

Okay, you know what I think? I think that you think that saying stuff like that is cool. It's not cool, it's actually the opposite of cool.