Steve McGarrett quotes from Hawaii Five-0

[wearily] Is there any beer around here?

McGarrett

What?

I have never known a Navy man who couldn’t find a lady a beer.

Steve

You know, I never would've left the Island, I never would've joined the Navy or missed every holiday, every birthday, half of Mary's life. The day that car exploded, it made me who I am. Danny, I can't just let it go.

Danny

I'm not asking you to let it go. I want to get these guys as bad as you do.

Danny

Hey, it’s the CHiPs! Remember CHiPs?

Steve

Of course I remember CHiPs. I always thought that’d be the coolest job—you know, riding motorcycles, fighting crime…

Danny

No, no, motorcycle cops have a five-times-higher mortality rate than other cops.

Steve

It’s a cop fantasy, Danny; why do you gotta bring statistics into it?

Danny

Cop fantasy... In my cop fantasy, I’d be Estrada, and you’d be Wilcox.

Steve

I don't think so, baby.

Danny

Hey, not so close, Wilcox.

Steve

Don’t tell me how to tail a suspect. And if this was CHiPs, I’d be Estrada, you’d be Wilcox, all right?

Danny

I don't think so.

Steve

So what about Han-Chi? Where does he fit in all this?

Who?

Danny

"Who"? What are you, an owl?

Danny

Estrada was a bad bitch, man.

Steve

Yup. That's why there's no way.

Danny

Wait a minute. Why can't I be Estrada?

Steve

In a world where I didn't exist, you could be whatever you want.

Danny

That world sounds lovely.

Kamekona

Howzit, bruddah? I hear you got a high-priority assignment for me.

Danny

High-pri––Yeah. [looks at Steve] Are you sure this is a good idea?

Steve

He looked after my sister.

Danny

Yeah, I know, and your sister ran away.

Steve

Hey.

Kamekona

That's bulai, brah. She tricked me. Playing on my emotional vulnerabilities.

Steve

That part's true.

Danny

Shut up, you.

Kamekona

And besides, I'm great with keikis. I got this.

Steve McGarrett

Mamo, what's up?

Bro, you gotta get these cops off my back. They want me to board up and get off the beach.

McGarrett

Just do as they say, Mamo, okay? There's a tsunami coming. It's not safe to be on the beach.

Steve, I was here in '60, '64 and '75. I seen them all. I know the water. There's no tsunami in here today.

McGarrett

Okay, listen, I hear you, but you gotta get out of there just in case.

Okay, bro, but I'm telling you, somebody's blowing smoke up somebody's okole.

McGarrett

Just be safe, Mamo.

Steve

Is there a relay station that the signal passes through or any place that could compromise the signal?

Steve

Okay, thank you. You've been very helpful.

Danny

How was that helpful?

Steve

You just be quiet for a second, okay? So the adults can think.

Danny

If I'm going to die on this island which I never should've come to in the first place, your face is not the last face I want to see, you understand that? Respectfully, of course.

Steve

I know you like it here.

Danny

I like... here? Incorrect! You are incorrect, my friend!

Steve

Then why the board, huh? Did hell freeze over? Did I actually miss you trying to get up on that thing? [snickers]

Danny

No comment!!

Coast Guard tracked that drug deal for six months. It was supposed to be our takedown, but then HPD swooped in, took the credit. Now I'm being pushed out before my 20. No pension. No benefits. My country owes me.

Steve

[irritated, gets in Commander Hale's face] Hey, let's clear things right now. You swore to defend and support this country no matter what the cost. She doesn't owe you anything, okay?

Danny

This uh, gonna be your last chance to say it. Come on.

Steve

Book 'em, Danno.

Sgt. Duke Lukela

[as Danny cuffs Hale] How much money is this?

Twenty-eight million.

Steve

I may not be able to see you, okay. But I can hear you. And you have a tone.

Danny

Tone? I don't have a tone. I don't have a tone.

Steve

You say I have a face. You, my friend, you have a tone. You have a tone, okay? And it's a tone that says "I'm gonna hit somebody."

Steve

[sees Danny bent over] What are you doing?

Danny

Buying a car. What's it look like I'm doing?

Steve

It looks like you're doing downward dog, but I know you don't do yoga.

Danny

I'm stretching because my back hurts. Do you know why my back hurts?

Steve

No. Why does your back hurt?

Danny

Because I spent the morning pushing a car down the Pali Highway.

Steve

Ah. Where I come from that's called good exercise.

Danny

Where is that, Krypton? Where I come from, that's called a worker's comp settlement.

Danny

[sees Kamekona in a tracksuit] When did you start jogging?

Kamekona

I'm in training, brah.

Danny

Did he just say he's in a training bra?

Steve

No, he...

Danny

Very funny.

Kamekona

I'm training for a sumo competition.

Danny

Oh. Sumo.

Steve

Sumo.

Danny

Shouldn't you be, uh, wearing a diaper? Big diaper? Something like that?

Kamekona

It's called a mawashi, brah. Lip off to me one more time, I'll give you a personal introduction to the sport.

Danny

I like my odds. Bring it.

Steve

You gonna open the door?

Not a chance.

Steve

I'll be back.

Danny

"I'll be back?" [to Big Lono] He's done a lot better, trust me. [To Steve] That's all you can come up with is "I'll be back?"

Steve

I've got something- I've got something good. [Goes outside]

Danny

What are you gonna do, Are you gonna drive the car through the... Hey, I got the keys! Quieres llaves? [to Big Lono] You see what you did? I don't know what he's gonna do. But if I were you: I'd run out the back, side, roof - go! [Steve returns with a grenade] A grenade? He has a grenade. Why do you have a grenade? He's got a grenade. You see this? He's not bluffing? He will pull the pin and blow everybody up. Will you trust me, please?

That thing's not even real.

Steve

You gonna open the door?

Not a chance.

Steve

Sure? [Lono refuses to budge] Okay. [sets up grenade on screen lock]

Danny

You're not bl - You're not bluffing.

Steve

Go, go! Move!

Danny

That is so sick. [Steve and Danny run outside as the grenade goes off; Danny is stunned at the explosion] Come on!!! What is the matter with you?!? You need help! I will pay for it!