Steve McGarrett quotes from Hawaii Five-0

Chin Ho

Your dad couldn't stop screaming.

McGarrett

You were there with my dad?

Yeah. I was fresh out of the academy, he was my training officer. I'll tell you, any day that Steve McGarrett was starting at quarterback was an official day off.

Danny

I got one question. What’s a quarterback doing wearing the number fifty?

McGarrett

Five-0.

Danny

Yeah.

McGarrett

No, it’s not fifty, it’s five-0. It’s what my dad used to call our family, because we weren’t native Hawaiian. Five-0. I don’t know; it was his way of making us feel like we belonged somewhere I guess.

Kono

I like that. Five-0.

Steve

You saying I’m not cool?

Danny

In certain situations. Like when you’ve got a gun pointed in your face, or you’re trying to decide whether to cut the red wire or the blue wire. But actual human interaction, mammal-to-mammal, you could use some work.

Steve

Thanks, Dr. Phil.

Danny

[to waitress] I like pancakes in the afternoon. You like pancakes?

Steve

I like pancakes.

Danny

Really? You seem like more of a napalm in the morning kind of guy.

Steve

That too.

Danny

[to McGarrett] So you know, the other guy getting the ball in the hoop—that’s bad.

Steve

Hey, Danno, shut up.

Danny

Do me a favor, don’t call me Danno, okay?

How long you two been married?

Steve

You don’t think I’m a happy person?

Danny

I’m sure you have your moments. Like when Guns & Ammo puts out its holiday gift guide, or a Rambo retrospective comes on TV.

Danny

They teach you that in SEAL school?

Steve

Yeah, it’s called the using the Internet. People have been doing it since the early ’90s. You might wanna look into it.

Danny

I guess I was still playing Ms. Pac-Man.

Steve

Yeah? You ever get to the double pretzel level?

Danny

Triple banana, bitch.

Steve

You’re a liar.

Steve

Thanks, Cath.

Danny

Oh, Catherine. I should've known. That's who you were getting right with last night.

Steve

That's stunning detective work. Well done.

Danny

[smirks at Steve's nonchalance] You know, it's amazing. Now, she catches bad guys for you and she sleeps with you. Does she cook, too?

Steve

Yeah, she does. She's a great cook.

McGarrett

There’s an easy way to do things on this island and a hard way. Talking to Kawika before we go after Levi and Diego is the easy way.

Danny

What’s throwing a guy in a shark tank or hanging a guy off a roof?

McGarrett

Those guys were from out of town.

Danny

You are a sick person you know that?

McGarrett

In the best possible way, right?

Danny

No! No, not in the best possible way! In a very terrible way! That wasn't a compliment, you understand?

Danny

O-kay, I got a daughter…!

McGarrett

Don’t worry, I know these roads.

Danny

This is not a road! A road has asphalt and two lanes! This is dirt on a cliff!

McGarrett

You scared?

Danny

I’m not scared; I’m rationally concerned.

Steve

He's armed. He's holding seven hostages, behavior's pretty erratic.

Danny

Oh, you mean opposed to most hostage takers that are calm and composed?

McGarrett

I thought I told you to stay put.

I’m an old man. I don’t hear so good.

Danny

So, uh, just a question. If things go bad which one of these guys do you want?

Steve

I'll take the ugly one.

Danny

Oh, that's good. The both of them.

Steve

Just for the record. If I pulled something like this, you would be reading me the Riot Act about proper police procedure.

Danny

No. I'd probably just arrest you.

Steve

When compared to this, hanging a guy off a roof and throwing a guy into a shark cage seems pretty tame.

Danny

You know what, I disagree. I think the shark cage is way worse than this.

Steve

Whatever. You're wrong. I'm just saying, to be clear, next time I get a free pass, ok?

Steve

I came to ask you a question.

Danny

Well, if it’s about the prom, I’m flattered, but I already have a date.

You are to find Atwater's killer and assist in protecting General Pak and his family when they arrive.

Steve

I'm sorry, did you say "assist"? Who am I assisting? Uh, this is–– [sees his former SEAL buddy Nick Taylor] No way! What's up, Bullfrog? [exchanges a hug with Nick]

Smooth Dog.

Steve

Been a while.

It's been a long time, man.

Steve

[to Danny] Uh, Nick, Nick served under me in the SEALs.

Did three years in the 'Stan.

Danny

The 'Stan? What is the 'Stan?

Steve

Afghanistan.

They hired Nick's firm to protect General Pak and his family.

Steve

Of course they did.

Danny

Wow. So you got genocide, ethnic cleansing. It's a great client you got.

Well, you know, my team and I are here to do a job, just like you.

Danny

No, no, not-not just like me. See, I'm a cop. I don't get to choose who I protect. You do, and you choose this animal, and I'm sure our pay grades, our rates are a little different.