[opens the door for Doggy Daddy]
DDDoggy Daddy
Just tell me what you want me to do.
[stands there silently]
DDDoggy Daddy
[tries to go through the door, and Phil slams it on his muzzle.]
S2Peanut Puberty
S2Gone Efficien...t
Birdman, this is Dvd, our new efficiency expert.
Interesting name. Norweg...?
DDvd
Was "David". I eliminated the vowels to save time.
Brllnt!
[Klaxons sound as Harvey tries to obtain more bathroom tissue]
[over the PA] Attention employee! Attention employee! It is against Sebben & Sebben regulations to tamper with or disable toilet paper dispensers in the lavatories! You are allotted one sheet of tissue per visit.
One sheet?!
Repeat: One sheet per visit.
[appearing from under the stall partition] Want mine? I ain't gonna use it.
S2Droopy Botox
[Harvey and Phil enter a toilet that looks like a palace.]
Wow.
Ha ha ha! V..pee. Backrub.
[Lady appears and starts rubbing Phil's shoulders.]
Am I supposed to... err... um... in this?
Nothing like gold on gold
You know Phil, I've wanted this a long time: the money, the attention, the...
Backrub.
Backrub?
[Man appears and starts rubbing Harveys shoulders.]
Oh... But somehow, it doesn't feel right
You know it didn't feel right to me at first either.
It didn't?
Nope, but now I can't go wee without a little rub.
BFBlue Falcon
Señor, have faith if you could do me a favor.
Sure.
BFBlue Falcon
Before you enter, could you expectorate on me.
Sorry?
BFBlue Falcon
Expectorate... como se dice? Spitting?
S2Guitar Control
Our Founding Fathers... guaranteed us certain protections. The freedom of speech, freedom of religion, the freedom to own and play stringed instruments of all kinds. Those Founding Fathers didn't place restrictions on these freedoms. They didn't say, "The right to play guitar shall not be violated, except when used to play Green Day's, 'Time of Your Life,' over and over again in the common area of your dorm!" *No!* Where will these restrictions end? A background check when you want to take up banjo? A five day waiting period to buy a Telecaster? An all-out ban on the Flying V or, dare I say, whammy bar? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, it is up to *you* to defend our right to keep and bear guitars.
Yes, our Founding Fathers were certainly comfortable with the idea of the lute or the fiddle, but how could they have foreseen the fretless bass? No! There was absolutely no way for them to imagine a time when men would walk the streets brandishing Edgar Winter's Special Edition portable keyboards with standard MIDI interface.
[Addressing the gallery front row, containing the Founding Fathers, Antonin Scalia, Funky Phantom, and Edgar Winter]
Don't look at me!
[Starts crawling underneath the gallery seats]
And while the good people of the National Guitar Association might like you to think otherwise, do you really think we'd all be safer if everyone were walking around with a Sunburst Rickenbacker in their pockets?
[Phil's Presidential Campaign commercial, starts with song about how he's "seen almost half of America" with a video of a stripper dancing]
I'm Phil Ken Sebben. You may not know me, but I have 12-billion dollars here that says you'll vote for me regardless.
NNarrator
Phil Ken Sebben. Strength. Leadership. Vision.
[Interrupting] Oh, almost forgot! I've taken every drug known to man. And not just orally. Just gettin' that out there.
NNarrator
Paid for by the people who gave Phil Ken Sebben 12-billion dollars.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.