Howard Cunningham quotes from Happy Days

Howard

Richard, there is one thing that women like men to do. It's what they call "a romantic gesture." We men call it "eating crow."

Howard

What's a Fonzie?

Richie

Arthur Fonzarelli. He dropped out of school.

Richie

All we had was some beer - in teeny-weeny glasses.

Howard

How many teeny-weeny glasses did you have?

Richie

Seventy-two.

Howard

I think it's time for some teeny-weeny cups of coffee.

Joanie

Today is Junior Chipmunk father/daughter outing.

Howard

Marion, can't you go?

Joanie

Oh, great. The only event I'll win is the prettiest father.

Howard

What are you going to wear to Ralph's costume party?

Richie

I haven't decided yet.

Marion

How about something like Donald Duck?

Richie

Oh, Mom!

Marion

What's wrong with Donald Duck?

Joanie

Mom, it's hard to neck with a beak.

Marion

Your father once even sent me a five-pound box of candy on Valentine's Day anonymously. He was a devil.

Howard

I never ever sent you a five-pound box of candy.

Marion

You didn't?

Howard

No, I didn't.

Marion

Then I must have married the wrong man.

Marion

How was the Junior Chipmunk meeting, dear?

Joanie

It was good. Barbara Jo Allen ate a fly.

Howard

Well, with beef at 68 cents a pound, I can't blame her.

Howard

Marion, do you remember our wedding night?

Marion

Howard, we've been married twenty-one years. You can stop apologizing now.

Marion

Don't you think we should move the bathroom somewhere else so that, when people drop in, it won't be the first thing they see?

Howard

Marion, we're not trying to get into Better Homes and Gardens. We're trying to survive a nuclear attack.

Marion

I know, but we can survive with good taste.

Howard

Considering everything that's happened, why don't you go paint the car red again?

Richie

Thanks, Dad, that'll be terrific.

Howard

But no "Love Bandit!" Your mother may be driving it.

Marion

No one on my side of the family ever went to a psychiatrist.

Howard

Well, my side of the family is perfectly normal, Marion. I mean, they don't even have to read Dear Abby.

Marion

What about your Aunt Louise who lives in a bomb shelter?

Howard

When the big one drops, who'll be crazy then?

Richie

What's going on with Joanie? Yesterday, all she cared about was who was gonna pay for the popcorn, and, now, she's talking about necking.

Howard

[to Marion] What did you say to her?

Marion

Well, Howard, you told me to talk to her.

Howard

Yes, talk, but not tell her anything.

Joanie

Boy, I wish the man would finish fixing our TV set.

Marion

Well, he promised to get our picture tube back in seven to ten days.

Joanie

Yeah, but I'm not gonna last that long. I'll go stir crazy.

Howard

Do what you did before we had television.

Joanie

I sat around wishing we had a TV.

Marion

I remember during the war there was a war-bond rally, and Mickey Rooney showed up, and he helped them make thousands of dollars. Do you remember, Howard?

Howard

I sure do. It's the last time I felt tall.

Richie

I don't know that much about Hamlet, Fonzie, but I'll teach you everything I know.

Fonzie

Go.

Richie

All right.

Howard

So, you're gonna play the "Melancholy Dane," huh?

Fonzie

Hey, wait a minute! I don't play animals!