Marion Cunningham quotes from Happy Days

Marion

What do you plan to do when you get out of school?

Fonzie

Oh, I was thinking I might become a cop.

Marion

That's very admirable.

Fonzie

I mean, it's the only job I know where they pay you to drive a motorcycle.

Howard

What are you going to wear to Ralph's costume party?

Richie

I haven't decided yet.

Marion

How about something like Donald Duck?

Richie

Oh, Mom!

Marion

What's wrong with Donald Duck?

Joanie

Mom, it's hard to neck with a beak.

Marion

Your father once even sent me a five-pound box of candy on Valentine's Day anonymously. He was a devil.

Howard

I never ever sent you a five-pound box of candy.

Marion

You didn't?

Howard

No, I didn't.

Marion

Then I must have married the wrong man.

Marion

How was the Junior Chipmunk meeting, dear?

Joanie

It was good. Barbara Jo Allen ate a fly.

Howard

Well, with beef at 68 cents a pound, I can't blame her.

Howard

Marion, do you remember our wedding night?

Marion

Howard, we've been married twenty-one years. You can stop apologizing now.

Marion

Don't you think we should move the bathroom somewhere else so that, when people drop in, it won't be the first thing they see?

Howard

Marion, we're not trying to get into Better Homes and Gardens. We're trying to survive a nuclear attack.

Marion

I know, but we can survive with good taste.

Marion

No one on my side of the family ever went to a psychiatrist.

Howard

Well, my side of the family is perfectly normal, Marion. I mean, they don't even have to read Dear Abby.

Marion

What about your Aunt Louise who lives in a bomb shelter?

Howard

When the big one drops, who'll be crazy then?

Richie

What's going on with Joanie? Yesterday, all she cared about was who was gonna pay for the popcorn, and, now, she's talking about necking.

Howard

[to Marion] What did you say to her?

Marion

Well, Howard, you told me to talk to her.

Howard

Yes, talk, but not tell her anything.

Joanie

Boy, I wish the man would finish fixing our TV set.

Marion

Well, he promised to get our picture tube back in seven to ten days.

Joanie

Yeah, but I'm not gonna last that long. I'll go stir crazy.

Howard

Do what you did before we had television.

Joanie

I sat around wishing we had a TV.

Marion

I remember during the war there was a war-bond rally, and Mickey Rooney showed up, and he helped them make thousands of dollars. Do you remember, Howard?

Howard

I sure do. It's the last time I felt tall.

Marion

What would we do without you, Fonzie?

Fonzie

Well, you'd be up a creek, Mrs. C.

Richie

Yeah, our car'd be stuck in the snow, our tree'd be out, and our Santa Claus would be mugging the neighbors.

Richie

I know I'm right. Why should I have to apologize?

Marion

Because he is your father.

Joanie

Right or wrong, I always apologize. It keeps my allowance coming in.

Richie

Mom, you're not still mad, are you?

Marion

I'm not still mad because I never was mad. You ordered this meatloaf, Richard.

Richie

You're mad. You always call me "Richard" when you're mad.

Joanie

Don't feel bad. When she's mad at me, she calls me "brat."

Marion

What's bothering you, Richard?

Richie

Nothing, Mom. Why?

Marion

Well, I always know when my children are troubled. You see, Joanie sucks her thumb, you stand holding the basketball and you don't shoot, and Chuck just sucks his thumb.

Joanie

Hey, Rich.

Marion

Good morning, Richie. Would you like Corn Flakes for breakfast, dear?

Richie

[clenches his teeth at his mother] I never want Corn Flakes again. Oatmeal.

Marion

Well, I thought you liked Corn Fla--

Richie

[slaps the table, then screams at her] OATMEAL!!!!

Marion

I'll make oatmeal. [storms to grab a canister of "Quaker Oats" oatmeal, then looks at her son, shocked, with her hand to her heart]

Howard

[shocked, then angry] What kind of a way is that to talk to your mother?!

Richie

[sweetly] Oh, I'm sorry, Mom. Corn Flakes are OK. You see, I tried out some of the advice that the Fonz gave me the other night. And he said that if you sound tough, people listen, and it works!

Howard

Boy, I say! [to Marion, pointing to Joanie and Richie from right to left] This one with her "hi-schow" and this one yelling like King Kong! [throws his napkin on the table and storms to the door] Who could eat breakfast around here?! I'm going down to the store.

Marion

You're going nowhere. Sit down! [Howard sits right back down] And start eating, Howie! All of you, EAT! [smiles and has her thumb up] And chalk one up for the Fonz.