Hannah Montana · Season 1
Lilly (to Miley): Guess who just landed two tickets to the hottest concert in town? Miley, you and I, I being you're best friend, are going to see the one, the only... Hannah Montana! Whoo! [Miley just stares] You're not screaming. Why aren't you screaming?
Oh, believe me, she's screaming on the inside.
[Miley screams on the inside]
[about Johnny] He is so cute!
Honey, at your age, there's only two things that are cute. Squirrels and little puppy dogs. Whew. I tell you I hate wearing this thing. [takes off his fake mustache] It's like kissing your great Aunt Clara.
(shudder) Eww!
Lilly (to Miley): I thought we were friends. I thought we told each other everything, but I guess I was wrong cause you kept just about the biggest secret in the world, Miley Stewart/Hannah Montana!
Big deal! You see this towel? She gave it to me, in her dressing room. She really did.
Uh, yeah, and she gave me this sandwich.
Amber and Ashley [in unison] You're pathetic. Ooh! Ssss!
It's true!
Ignore them, Oliver. They're not worth it.
[to Amber and Ashley] Wait a minute, he's telling the truth. And she gave Lilly something, too.
What are you doing?
You’ll see. [takes out Lilly's scarf from Hannah Montana]
That's Hannah Montana's scarf.
From the concert.
Yeah, Hannah gave it to her.
But you know what? You guys are much cooler than me. You should have it. [puts the scarf on Amber]
Oh, my gosh.
Hey! I want that! [she and Amber fight over the scarf]
[to Lilly] Why did you do that?
I think I know. [to the other students] Hey, everybody!
It's Hannah Montana's scarf!
What about Lilly? You guys would be perfect together!
Excuse me?
You're both stubborn.
[in unison] I am not!
See, you always agree with each other!
No, we don't!
I am definitely seeing a couple here!
You're not, because I'm not!
You know what that boy needs? A real girlfriend.
Dad, that is the smartest thing you've ever said!
You what they say, every now and again, even a blind pig snorts up a truffle.
And that is the weirdest.
What does it take with you?! What more do I have to do?! You and Hannah Montana are never gonna be together.
Why not?
Because... [takes off her wig and sunglasses] I'm Hannah Montana. Me, Miley. [Oliver passes out] Okay, that went well.
Have you ever pictured yourself with Miley, your friend, the dork?
You're not a dork.
Oh, come on. What about the time I tripped in the biology lab and spilled frog juice all over you?
Oh, right. Mom made me take off my pants in the school parking lot.
Or when we we were at Andrew's birthday party and you accidentally knocked me into the pool in your one-man stampede for the cake?
That's not fair. It was an ice-cream long cake and you know I have to get an end cut.
[holding up fish] Look at the size of this bad boy! Put up quite a battle, too. It was him! Then it was me! Then it was him! Then it was me!
Dad, you got him at the fish mart.
Yeah, but you should have seen the size of the lady who tried to take him from me. It was her! Then it was…
Alright, alright Dad, I get it.
So, what’s it going to be, Bucky? Pan fried or Barbeque?
Dad, remember what we said about naming the fish?
What? [sticks fish in Jackson’s face]
It makes him a little harder to eat.
Lilly, my dad said no.
You think he said no. He really said go. no. go. It's a mistake anybody can make. [drags Miley] Come on.
I love lying to him.
You're right it's fun!
[turns to Lilly] I just can't figure out one thing—why are we hiding?
Oliver, you naive, simple boy…with a very good point. (to Miley) Best of luck.
Let me paint you a picture. [grabs an apple and an orange] Hi, I'm Miley Stewart. (in a high, squeaky voice) And I'm her brother Jackson. [deepens voice and waves the apple] We snuck out to a movie last night where we saw you on a date with our father. Why are we telling you this? Out of an insane desire to get caught & grounded for the rest of our natural lives!
[rolls her eyes and stalls for time] Why do you always get to be the apple?
I can't! I'm from Tennessee. We don't do that.
Well you're in California now, and we do do that.
[Jackson and Cooper start laughing]
What?
You said "do do"!
Grow up!
You're the one that can't ask the guy out.
He's not just a guy, he's a ninth grader. I can't just put Eighth grade moves on him.
Good point. And besides, he probably doesn't even know you're alive. You're like some dried up insect on the windshield of his life. Not even in the center. You're way off to the side where the wipers don't reach. [making windshield wiper movements] squeak, squeak, squeak, splat. Squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak....
Lilly.
What?
This is officially the worst peptalk ever.
Then I ate a napkin, and then Jackson was all, "You said 'do do'" and Lilly was all, "Bug on the windshield," and I was all "Good night everybody!" and that's why we have to move.
Sorry darling.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Hannah Montana pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
