[opening voice over] I don't like questions without any answers. Like, where do we go when we die? I mean, I know what happens physiologically speaking, but beyond that, what really happens? Anything? That's what you start asking yourself when you live on a clock. All these questions without any answers. They drive you nuts. That's why I like what I do. Fixing babies. Birthing babies. No ambiguity there. No questions, just answers. Clear, precise, obvious answers. And life, beautiful, new life. Hope for the future. God, I miss that.
My whole career, I have been the other Dr. Shepherd. He's the real one. I'm the other one. Right now, this plan of mine is theoretical. It's just talk. But at some point, I am going to slice into Dr. Herman's brain, and I have this sick feeling that when I face that tumor, I will discover that I am not just the other Dr. Shepherd... I'm the wrong Dr. Shepherd.
I know. You don't need him. I was just thinking you could, just to have someone to bounce these ideas off of who understands this kind of thing the way that you do, a peer. He might have a suggestion.
I do not need my brother! I am not stuck! I am thinking! I am figuring it out! I am right on the edge of figuring it out, of making the breakthrough of a lifetime! I am this close! My genius is flying around this room right now, trying to find a clear path to land on me, but I can't clear the runway for landing because I can't find any quiet because some idiot resident keeps talking to me! (sees Stephanie is hurt.) I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean it. I'm tired, and I'm frustrated. I... I am so sorry. I just... This tumor is making me crazy, Edwards.
As bad as you want to get that tumor, that's as bad as I want to watch you get that tumor. You're tired and frustrated and terrified, but guess what. I don't give a damn. You're supposed to be my mentor. You are my mentor. I believe in you, I look up to you, I want to be you. That's an enormous responsibility, so don't call me names. And stop pouting because you don't understand what to do. Be worthy of being believed in, of being looked up to. Or if you can't actually be worthy, if I am actually wasting my time, if there is nothing about you that is special or wise, for God's sake, at least have the decency to pretend that there is. Get it together, Dr. Shepherd.
[ending voice over] I never placed much value in wondering about an afterlife. My concern was always this life. What would I do with it? How would I make my mark? I wanted to break new ground. I wanted to leave a legacy. I wanted my life, my brain, my existence to mean something. The thing I never really thought about though, the thing I never really wrapped my brain around until now was, in order to be remembered, in order to leave something significant behind, you have to leave.
