Gin Tama quotes

Otae

[holding up a pair of sparkly, fuchsia panties.] I'll use my "battle panties" as bait! They're strong and energetic, just like being punched by a cat!

Kondo

Punched by a cat... [blood spurts from his nose as he falls over.]

Gintoki

Hang on, that's too much. No man would resist that. All of them would be drawn in.

Otae

Hmm... [holds up a pair of beige panties with a teddy bear's head printed on it] How about these then? If I had to describe them, I'd call them a "crimson knockout".

Kondo

Crimson knockout... [more blood spurts from his nose and he falls down again.]

Gintoki

No, no, no. That would attract all perverts.

Shinpachi

Couldn't you think of her brother, who's seen so much of his sister's underwear that he's grown desensitized to it? Kind of like a romantic scene that causes constipation when you watch a drama with your family.

Kagura

And thus, a kid climbs the mountain towards maturity.

Shinpachi

You! Stop jumping to conclusions!

Okita

Seeing your sister's panties is no big deal. Hijikata-san once caught his dad wearing a bra.

Gintoki

I see. The impact from that incident was what made him "cross the street".

Hijikata

No it wasn't!

Otae

[furiously] I'm staking my life for my panties! If you got enough time to talk, you got time to work too, lazy-asses!

[frightened] Uh... yes!

Kagura

Sister, you're sooo cool!

Gintoki

Listen! Our thief is a pervert who doesn't care about any defined amount of panties, but for the kind of women who possesses them. Therefore, he'll come. And then, we'll teach him a lesson. I don't give a damn if he uses a loincloth for a mask or if he steals panties. We just can't let him keep smearing the innocence of women and make fun of the pride that we, as men, feel! Let the spirits guide your steps towards the slaughter! Let's paint the white with the red of blood!

Okita

[carrying a large bag on his back.] Well, well, I predicted something like this could happen, so I went to pick these up from the storeroom.

Shinpachi

And what are these?

Okita

How should I put it... They're something like... landmines.

Shinpachi

They're not "something like" landmines! They are landmines!

Okita

It was a bit tough to get them. Security there's a bit tight.

Hijikata

The path of evil slithers like a serpent.

Shinpachi

I couldn't agree more!

Otae

Shin-chan. It's just like you said, this is a battlefield. If you're here just to fool around, then go home.

Shinpachi

Sister... The matter is, here is my home.

Hijikata

Well said. The battlefield is your home.

Shinpachi

Ergh... No, that's not what I meant...

Hijikata

By ignoring your many flaws, your determination gets strenghtened to defeat an unknown evil. Oh, it brings me back.

Shinpachi

Eh? Many flaws?

Otae

[pushing her naginata against Shinpachi] Yeah. Even if you have to skewer your enemy completely.

Hijikata

Better yet, tear him to bits.

Otae

[against a dreamy background] Break him apart.

Hijikata

[against the same background] Dismember him and stomp him down.

Shinpachi

[cuts in between them, making the background disappear] Heeey! You're getting me scared!

Shinpachi

Maybe he's not coming today? No, not just today. Maybe never...

Gintoki

It's okay. He will come.

Shinpachi

What basis do you have to affirm that?

Kagura

There's some very precious panties out there just waiting to be snatched away! There's no way a panty thief would let this opportunity slide!

Shinpachi

But that's just too obvious. The more you look into it, it still looks like a trap!

Otae

Shin-chan... When a thief gets into scrapes to get what he wants, he can be even more daring.

Shinpachi

Why are you giving the thief a personality? What if he's a coward?

Okita

Does it matter who it is? We'll just catch someone nearby, pass him off and it's done.

Hijikata

If all of us tell the same story, no one will know it.

Shinpachi

What do you mean, "someone nearby"? And "if we tell the same story"?!

Gintoki

Oi, oi, stop screaming. If the thief listens to you, all our effort will go down the drain.

Shinpachi

Well, guess what, you may get lost, what with all this heat!

Gintoki

What the hell did you say, jackass? [grabs Shinpachi violently] You want me to help with your contact lenses?

Otae

[gets pushed back by the ruckus, then starts hitting Shinpachi on the head with the butt of her naginata] Stop this, you two!

Shinpachi

I'm supposed to be the guy wearing glasses in this anime!!!

Okita

You think they need help?

Hijikata

I can guess how this fight will end. They'll just continue until someone can go no further.

Kagura

My fist is getting furious, too!!! Someone better feed it blood!!!

Kondo

C'mon, stop it, stop it. We shouldn't be fighting. [sighs] I'm sure everyone's stressed due to the heat. Let's take a rest then--

Gintoki

[off-screen] Shut up, loser!

Otae

[off-screen] Shut up, deadbeat!

Kagura

[off-screen] Shut up, Hanarari-kun!

Hijikata

[off-screen] Shut up, Miso bun!

Okita

[off-screen] Shut up, gorilla.

Kondo

[crying like a girl] I'm sure it's the heat! It's all because of he heat! [normally] Well, I'll go buy some refreshments. I'm sure that'll calm you down.

Kagura

[still fighting] I want an azuki ice cream!

Gintoki

[still fighting] To me, something like coffee ice cream!

Otae

[still fighting] Bargain Dash (spoof of Häagen-Dazs) for me!

Okita

[still fighting, but calmly] Some jungle flavor will do.

Hijikata

[still fighting] A dish of veal with a pound of mayonnaise over it!

Shinpachi

[still fighting] Uh... tea!

Kondo

Okay, I'll go get your orders. Be nice!

Kondo

Damn, can't get nothing done without them...

Otae

[looking at Kondo, who is laying in a crater] Look, Kondo-san's been blown up.

Kagura

Seems so.

Hijikata

I wonder if it was the heat.

Gintoki

No way. He must've stepped on a landmine. What a dumbass, couldn't he remember where he buried them? [everyone starts laughing]

Shinpachi

Huh? Wait a second. [staring at the empty yard] Does anyone here remember where they are buried?

Otae

That's a problem. The paperboy will be blown up tomorrow.

Shinpachi

Now you say that!?

While the light shines, the darkness stays in ambush! And there shall be a hairless man! Guided by the light of panties, the knight of romanticism shows his true power! [posing] The phantom thief, a man covered only by a loincloth, has arrived!

It seems that you were waiting for me, but your traps are useless!

Shinpachi

This is the worst!!! He came at the worst possible time!!!

You honestly thought you could fool me with such a kiddies play? You are underestimating the heroic thief, the loincloth-masked man! But since I am already here, I will be your opponent! Stay with your arms crossed while I pick up the panties for which I have been called a pervert; a stalker; a virgin!

[emerging from wooden debris after catching the bait-panties] How naïve. Something like this [he has been blown up by a landmine] cannot defeat me. The perverts, stalkers and virgins all over the world await. Their voices give me strength. Can you hear them? The voices...

Please, loincloth-masked man, give us hope! Fresh nylon, soft silk, stuffy cotton! Anything! Even if we can only get one pair of panties, we'll be able to press on for tomorrow! We will face the future with our heads held up high!

Their laments... Can you bastards even hear them?! I cannot be beaten here! The name of the loincloth-masked man is endangered! I must return to them!

Kondo

Noooo! [the thief kicks him away.]

[laughing] He who laughs last, laughs best!

Otae

Don't you... [stomps on Gintoki's head to jump up high.]

What?!

Otae

...MAKE LIGHT OF WOMEN!!! [descends, attacking the thief, who releases the panties and kneels in defeat. Otae catches the panties as they come down.] Someone who is afraid to show his face has no right to possess my panties. If you really want them, you should knock on the front door and ask straight to me. And take it seriously, too.

This is the first time... I let the panties slip. [falls over]