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Gin Tama
All S1

S1 E15Unfinished Business

[After credits and preview]

CClass

Teach us, Ginpachi sensei!

Um, this is a question from a Mr. Oonishi, from the second floor. ‘I noticed something strange the other day. Shinpachi-kun said that the “purge” was a movement that happened twenty years ago to drive amanto off earth. So, no matter how you cut it, Gin-san and Katsura-san have to be more than thirty years old. Is that true?’ Uh, ok now. Pay attention now, cuz this is gonna be on the test. The war of expulsion didn’t end in just a year or two, you see. When the war started twenty years ago, Gin-san was still just a hairless baby. The shogunate, afraid of the aliens, surrendered right away, but the samurai still resisted. It was around this time that Gin-san got a different kind of hair. When the amanto had infiltrated the entire government and were running roughshod over the whole nation, Gin-san finally entered the fight! Well, in a manner of speaking…So, that’s how the war of expulsion, lasting ten full years, happened. Gin-san and his friends only really participated in the very end of it. Oh, and Oonishi, go stand in the hall!

[Kagura is in a shop]

Old lady, can I have some sukonbu?

OOld Lady

Take care.

[singing] Deer shit…

What are you doing in front of my shop, you little brats? Did someone drop some porn over there or something?

KKid

It’s the sukonbu girl!

K2Kid 2

Run! We’ll all start smelling like sukonbu!

Go home and suck on your Mom’s teat.

Did you buy the toilet paper?

Here you go. [hands him one roll]

Kagura-chan, don’t you usually buy a pack with a bunch of rolls in it? This won’t be enough if someone eats something disagreeable.

Don’t complain. I’m doing you a favor. Who are you, my Mother-in-law? Once, a lonely samurai lived in the woods, and he didn’t have any toilet paper, so he…

There’s no fable like that! Whom did you hear that from?

Gin-chan told me.

Don’t listen to what he says.

Shut up, all of you.

I’m not going to take that from some wet behind the ears brat!

What’s that? You’re younger than me, aren’t you? [holds up the toilet paper roll for emphasis]

[staring at Sadaharu] Shinpachi, what’s that white thing?

What does it look like? Toilet paper!

No, I meant that huge white thing.

Huge or small, there's just one of it, so cut that... [turns to finally notice Sadaharu] Waaah! Where did this thing come from?!

Oh, I picked it up around back. Cute, isn’t it?

What do you mean, “picked it up”? If you’re going to get a pet, get one we can identify!

Sadaharu.

You just made that up! I can tell you just made that up!

He’ll be fine. A sadaharu can make it just fine.

Why are you calling it Sadaharu now?!

You understand why, Sadaha—[gets his head bitten by Sadaharu]

AAssistant

First discovered in the M-78 galaxy, this is the ultra-giraffe. [camera shows giraffes styled after tokusatsu hero Ultra Seven]

Wow, it’s so tall! [gets picked up by it]

AAssistant

But it eats people. [the Prince's bodyguards point their guns at the giraffes]

AAssistant

This is the Iscandar Elephant, from the Diamond Nebula.

This one’s neat, too! [gets sucked into its trunk]

AAssistant

Its trunk can stretch long distances, and it eats people. [the Prince's bodyguards point their guns at the elephant]

AAssistant

This is the petit penguin, first discovered in the Lilliput Star System.

[staring at the penguin suspiciously] This one’s safe, isn’t it?

AAssistant

That one does not eat people. [The prince gets attacked by a bear] But the bear that lives with it does.

Tell me that beforehand! [the Prince's bodyguards point their guns at the bear]

Hijikata-san, why do we have to go looking for some animal?

I don’t really know, but I hear it’s an order from all the way up top.

We don’t even know what it looks like, so how are we supposed to find it?

Well, we have to be thorough…[is suddenly wearing a dog collar and leash] what the hell are you doing Sougou?!

Presenting you to one of the top men.

What kind of shit are you spouting, man?!!

End your sentences with “woof” if you would.

Fuck you!

[picks up Sadaharu] What do I have to do? If you’ll only trust him as far as I can throw him, I can throw him as far as you want!

It hurts! It feels like the chocolate I just ate is gonna make it’s debut on the puking circuit!

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