GAGintoki as Ginpachi Sensei
Well, all the good kids out there, light up your rooms... And stay in school, unless you wanna grow up to become bums like me. That's it.
[Gintoki is trying to pull Sadaharu by its leash, fruitlessly]
Bad dog, you can't poop there [in the middle of the street]! Your shit's bigger than kids' dreams! Dammit, that's why I didn't wanna walk you! And she [Kagura] said she'd look after you! In the end, it's the mother who's supposed to look after the dog! Hey... So I'm the mother?
If you can't even make a single animal obey you, how are you supposed to protect your country? You dare call yourself a samurai like that?
Zura... What the hell's that? That's unpleasant!
It's not unpleasant; it's Elizabeth.
Maybe it doesn't look bad by itself, but being next to you makes it unpleasant! I mean, it's you who's unpleasant.
Well yeah, I think the years have softened him [Katsura]. I wonder if he'd like to take this one [Sadaharu, that is chewing on Gintoki's head] too? We don't need anything from which we can't profit. This thing only gives us shit and pain.
Aren't you being a bit unfair to Sadaharu? Keep crushing his skull, Sadaharu. [Sadaharu bites harder on Gintoki until he starts bleeding.]
Wait, wait, wait, wait! Got it, got it! Shit and pain, plus piss!
Well, it's okay, Sadaharu. Let him go. [Sadaharu glomps Gintoki's head]
It's NOT okay! You didn't add anything positive!
One week?
Yeah, I'll be sure to pay you within the next week, interests included.
And I've promoted myself for that! I'll be able to eat as much sukonbu as I want!
You've got such narrow goals...
[Kagura and Catherine are locked in a catfight.]
You may steal whatever you want, but keep your hands off my things, you cat-eared two-timer!
CCatherine
If you can't look after your stuff, then stop acting so tough, you brat!
Just you try it, fox-eared dumbass! I hope a car runs you over!
CCatherine
Who's gets run over by a car these days, you little bitch?!
Say what?!
[Sadaharu is sitting on top of Gintoki and Shinpachi.]
[dressed in Sena Kobayakawa's uniform from Eyeshield 21] Uh, couldn't you finish this in a more delicate way?
It's like we're putting our lives on the line with every blow.
So, you decided to heed my advice and train Sadaharu?
Don't be stupid! Why would I change my mind just by listening to you?
We're gonna take Sadaharu here to TV!
TV?
That's why we're training! Not that it would matter to you, anyway-- WAAARGH! [Sadaharu stomps on Gintoki and Shinpachi's groins with its hind feet.]
Yeah, great! Hit 'em where it hurts, Sadaharu!
TATV Announcer
Uh, that thing chewing on your head... is it Sadaharu? Is he fine?
Yeah, no prob. Sadaharu's pretty smart, he knows just how much I can take.
TATV Announcer
But you seem to be bleeding...
Geez, can't you take this any more seriously? Keep it up, and we won't make it to the finals!
[bleeding, with his head bitten on by Sadaharu] Really? But the judges are staring so much at my beautiful face...
Of course they are! Take a look in a mirror!
[The Yorozuya crew sees Katsura enter the stage dressed in his Space Captain outfit, accompanied by Elizabeth.]
What the crap does that guy think he's doing? Even being in the most wanted list, he dares to show up on TV in disguise.
I think he really loves his pet.
Not just the pet; I think he loves to play dress-up.
TATV Announcer
So, Katsura-san, what do you mean with "Space Captain"?
Well, it means that I'm a captain from space.
[Elizabeth has painted a Picasso-like portrait of Katsura.]
TATV Announcer
It's such a magnificent piece of art! Looks just like it was painted by a human!
[grabbing the announcer by the collar] Please. That comparison is an offense to Elizabeth's talent.
[at the second part of the pet competition]
TATV Announcer
By the way, the winner will get 30,000 points, so give it your best!
Hey, Mr. Announcer! Then what was the first part of the competition for?
TATV Announcer
Well, that was just to make the show more entertaining...
There's no need for that kind of thing! I demand you change the rules immediately!
Hey Zura, stop bothering the announcer with your demands. If you got any beef with this, then just go home.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Gin Tama pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.