Scenes with Ape 13
Smell is heading for the river! But it doesn't know the shortcut! Follow George!
If it touches that water, it'll be... Aromageddon.
Very! Imagine all the water in the jungle tasting like... Dirty George!
MUMagnolia, Ursula, and Ape
[Gasp] We're doomed!
[They all glare at George, who giggles nervously.]
WDWitch Doctor
[Coughs] Not necessarily.
WDWitch Doctor
I've increased the sweetness and purity by a power of Boogity 11.
[Angrily] There is no such number as Boogity 11, you bone-shaking troglodyte!
[George and Ape are having dinner in Big Mitch's temple. Ape is sitting grumpily]
[Loudly] Ape is mad, right? Because George traded our house?
[Ape hits his plate with his knife.]
ApePass the salt, please.
[George pushes the salt shaker across the table, but it is bombarded by booby traps, reducing the salt shaker to ash by the time it reaches Ape]
Ape
"No takebacks"? Do you know what this means?
Ape
It means we can never go home again. What have you done, George?
Me?! Well, this is all Ape's fault!
Ape
How is it my fault?
[Raises his finger, about to say something, but then looks around, confused] Somehow!
Ape
It's a good thing this is a big temple, because I don't wanna talk to you right now!
[George is in Egypt, talking to a monkey sitting on a camel]
And I'll give you all this in exchange for... Egypt!
MMonkey
Hmm... [hands George the deed to Egypt] Deal!
Ape
There's no way Mitch won't give us our house back in exchange for all of Egypt. [Ape turns around] Right, George? [He sees George isn't here; ice cubes jingling and pouring is heard] George?
[Much to his horror, Ape sees George at a monkey's lemonade stand, trading the deed to Egypt for lemonade]
Ape
GEORGE, WAIT!
[Ape runs up to George as he drinks his lemonade]
Ape
George! Did you just trade the nation of Egypt for a glass of lemonade?!
[Nervously] Uh... Sort of?
[Offscreen, Ape hits George so hard, he is sent flying and screaming out of Egypt and back into the jungle]
[Growls] I never get this angry.
I don't get tired of new shoes as fast as I'm gettin' tired of Cousin Larry.
Shhh. Larry's winning sleeping contest.
[Larry is sleeping on George's back]
LLarry
[Snores] Win. [Snores] Win.
George, we hate to say this, but...
UAUrsula, Ape, and Magnolia
Cousin Larry has to go!
Shhh! We can't kick out George's family!
Ape
Yes, we can. In fact, let's have a contest to see how far out we can kick him.
But Larry gave us the picnic!
Don't you see? He's a win-a-holic! He only picks games he can't lose!
Ape
I hate to say this, George, but I'm in complete agreement.
Ape
No, George, with Magnolia.
Boy. Ape changes mind pretty quick.
Ape
I always agreed with Magnolia. I don't like him.
Ape
Also, we believe he cheats.
[George gasps and gets up, causing Larry to fall off his back, making him sleep on the floor]
[Indignant] George will sit on forgetting rock now, until he forgets what Ape just said! [Walks off]
[George leaves the treehouse, but comes back seconds later]
I forget. Where is forgetting rock?
[At the pie-eating contest...]
Ape
George, I didn't want to tell you this, because I didn't think you'd believe me. Larry made a bet that you would lose.
[Ape points up at Larry sitting in the bleachers, happily eating a pie]
Larry not sick! Larry... cheating?
Ape
I bet my room in the treehouse that you can do without cheating, while he can only do with fake stomachs and pie-eating dogs in his pants. I believe in you, George.
George won't let Ape down. For once, George going to beat lying, cheating, faking Larry. LET'S DO THIS!!!
[After George has won the pie-eating contest...]
Thank you yetis, for this honor. And now, George would like to give this trophy...
LLarry
To your loving, much-more-deserving cousin?
...to the first yeti to chase Cousin Larry out of the jungle!
LLarry
Yeah! [Realizes] What?!
[Larry sees the two yetis growling at him. Larry runs away from the angry yetis, carrying his trophy case with him]
LLarry
[Screams] Win! [Screams]
George! That was amazing! To celebrate, let's go out to dinner!
[George suddenly becomes nauseous upon hearing what Magnolia said, after having eaten so many pies]
Uh-oh. I think... I think I'm gonna be...
MMangolia
Get a garbage can!
[George wobbles back and forth, until he goes over to the side, and vomits. Ursula, Ape, and Mangolia are traumatized with what they are seeing. The scene fades to them sitting on the forgetting rock to forget what they saw]
UAUrsula, Ape, and Mangolia
Forget... Forget... Forget...
Once upon a midnight jungle
While George snored through tooth and tongu-le
Ape was far too scared for napping
When suddenly, there came a tapping.
[Ape cowers in his hammock under his comic book as he hears crashing]
Ape
George? George! GEORGE!
[George leaps up with fright]
I didn't do it, I didn't do it!
[George falls on the ground with a crash, yelling in pain. George gets up as Ape hides behind him]
[George scans the treehouse, and sees a large bag of peanut snacks shaking. George lifts up the bag, revealing a baby rhinoceros eating out of a dog bowl]
Ape
That rhino's eating Shep's food!
[Picks up the bowl] That's not Shep's! That's George's bag of Trunk-A-Munch! Bad rhino! [The rhino burps] You want food, you go get your own! Get OUT!!!
[The rhino whines as it makes big sad eyes]
[Refusing] Uh-uh! Too late for puppy eyes!
[The rhino whimpers and leaves the treehouse]
[George has received a message strapped to a coconut. Ape reads it]
Ape
"George, meet me at Howie's. Signed, a hungry predator. Come alone?"
[George looks at Ape, a bit worried. Later, George finds himself in a meeting with the predators, standing in-between a hyena and a lion. Tiger slams his smoothie down on the counter]
TTiger
I know your whole "save the tiny animals" thing is your thing, but us big guys are tired of getting pounded just for doin' our thing.
Maybe big guys should be nicer to small guys. Talk to them. Bunnies can be more than lunch, you know.
TTiger
Hey. We gotta eat.
Hmm... Okay. George is thinking.
[George starts flapping his lips as he thinks]
TTiger
Another smoothie, Howie. This is gonna take a while.
[George is holding a meeting for the predators and prey. Ape bangs a coconut against the stand like a gavel]
[Clears throat] Uh, George wanted to get an opinion on what to plant in new vegetable garden. So, what should it be? Vicious prey? Wimpy predators? Any ideas?
TTiger
[Waves his hand] How about eggplants?
[The predators murmur with agreement]
Okay, then, we'll go with predators. Meeting over.
RRabbit
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hang on! Why are we gonna go with what they say? Because they're bigger? No! We say "carrots"!
[Gasps] Hey, predators. Are you gonna let them boss you around?
TTiger
No. We are the main vegetable-eaters around here. So, we suggest eggplants.
RRabbit
Well, maybe we don't want you eatin' any more of our vegetables!
RRabbit
[Bounces up, but is unable to stay up to Tiger's height] Your ve...?! [Bounces again] Your ve...?!
Ape
[Moves the rabbit on a stool] Here you go, little fella.
RRabbit
Your vegetables?! Why don't you find somethin' else to eat, huh?!
[Tiger starts to get angry, as the other predators start grinning evilly and licking their chops]
TTiger
[Growling] Maybe I WILL. [Roars]
RRabbit
[Nervously] Oops. Hehe. Um... Put up your dukes? [Chuckles] RUN!!!
[All the prey animals run away as the predators start chasing them down again]
Ape
[Sighs] Natural order makes me happy.
[George starts to run after the predators, but Ursula grabs him by his suspender]
George has to save little guy!
[The weasel screams as he runs away from Tiger, but George pounces on him, and ties him up with his tail]
TTiger
There's just no pleasin' that guy.
[George has returned Magnolia's bicycle in pieces]
[Devastated] MY BABY!!! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY BABY?! [Sobs]
[Mangolia gives an anguished wail that echoes throughout the jungle. Ursula and Ape swing in as Magnolia bawls]
[Points at George] GEORGE BORROWED MY BIKE!!!
Her name was Gloria, and she was the most glorious bike a girl ever had! [Runs away crying]
Don't worry! George will make it up to you! [Accidentally steps on a piece of the bike] Promise!
I told you my hair would get frizzy. You know what's really good?
Ape
Yes! FOOD... is really good! Especially when it's been sitting in front of me for an hour and a half!
[Ape begins to go crazy. He tears his bib off, then starts tearing his fur off until he's bald]
Ape
That... feels better. Magnolia... you were saying?
Look, we promised George we'd wait. [Gasps] What if he's fallen down a well somewhere?
[The gang imagines George walking through the jungle. He jumps over a flower, and loses his balance]
[George falls down a well, screaming, before he hits the bottom]
[The bucket on the well's winch snaps off, falls, and hits George on the head]
And what if he can't remember who he is?!
He could be trapped down there FOREVER!
Ape
And then we'd never eat! Let's go!
George of the Jungle · 37 quotes