[Monica wants to hide from Rachel the fact that she went shopping with Julie, so she creates an alibi.]
Monica: Phoebe, listen. You were with me and we were shopping all day.
Phoebe: What?
Monica: We were shopping and we had lunch.
Phoebe: Oh, all right. What did I have?
Monica: You had a salad.
Phoebe: Oh. No wonder I don't feel full.
Rachel: [Enters] Hey, guys. What's up?
Phoebe: I went shopping with Monica all day and I had a salad.
Rachel: Good, Pheebs. What'd you buy?
Phoebe: Umm, we went shopping for, umm, for... fur.
Rachel: You went shopping for fur?
Phoebe: Yes... [Realizes what she said] And then I realized I'm against that... and, uh, so then we bought some... [Monica is pointing at her chest behind Rachel's back] uhh, boobs.
Rachel: You bought boobs?
[Monica is yanking on her bra strap behind Rachel's back.]
Phoebe: Bras! We bought bras! We bought bras.

[Phoebe and Rachel went to get tattoos. Phoebe chickened out.]
Rachel: Phoebe, how could you do this to me? This was all your idea!
Phoebe: I know, I know, and I was going to get it, but then he came in with this needle, and d--did you know they do this with needles?
Rachel: Really! You don't say! Because mine was licked on by kittens!

[Phoebe arrives to tell the gang about her submariner boyfriend.]
Phoebe: He resurfaces like every couple years and we have the most amazing three days together.
Rachel: So, wait -- this guy goes down for, like, two years at a time?
[Chandler, mouth full, groans in frustration.]
Monica: That'll teach you to lick my muffin.
[Chandler, mouth full, groans in frustration again.]

[Phoebe got a call from a producer.]
Phoebe: You are not gonna believe this: I have just been discovered!
Chandler: Now, wait a minute. I claimed you in the name of France four years ago!

[Phoebe has chicken pox and is being forced to wear oven mitts so as not to scratch]
Ross: Oh, look, look, a low budget puppet show!
Phoebe: [laughs Sarcastically] It's such a shame you can't see what finger I'm holding up.

[Rachel and Monica see Jean-Claude Van Damme on the set and Monica is smitten.]
Rachel: So why don't you go talk to him?
Monica: [sarcastically] Oh, yeah!
Rachel: What? So you go over there, you tell him you think he's cute. What's the worst that could happen?
Monica: He could hear me!

[Rachel enters in her maid-of-honor dress and huge pink hat.]
Chandler: I'm sorry -- we don't have your sheep.
Season 3

[Rachel is upset that Ross is telling her to hurry up.]
Rachel: This isn't about the movie theater. This is about you stealing my wind.
Ross: Excuse me -- your wind?
Rachel: How do you expect me to grow if you won't let me blow?
Ross: You know, um... I don't have a... have a... problem with that.

[Ross and Julie have just arrived from China]
Julie: We've gotta get some sleep.
Ross: Yeah, it's really 6:00 tomorrow night our time.
Chandler: Well, listen, don't tell us what's gonna happen though, 'cause I like to be surprised.

[Ross confronts Rachel at Central Perk just as she is closing the cafe]
Ross: I didn't get a cat!
Rachel: Oh...that's interesting.
Ross: No, it's not 'interesting'! It's very not interesting! It's 100% the opposite of interesting!
Rachel: Okay, I got it Ross!
Ross: You had no right to tell me you ever had feelings for me!
Rachel: What?
Ross: I was doing great with Julie before I found out about you!
Rachel: I was doing great before I found out about you! Do you think it's easy for me to see you with Julie?!
Ross: You should have said something before I met her!
Rachel: I didn't know then! And how come you never said anything to me?!
Ross: There was never a good time!
Rachel: Oh, you only had a year! We only hung out every night!
Ross: Not...every night! And it's not like I didn't try, but things got in the way! Like Italian guys, or ex-fiancees, or...Italian guys!
Rachel: There was one Italian guy! Do you have a point?!
Ross: The point is, I don't need this right now! It's too late! I'm with somebody else! I'm happy! This ship has sailed!
Rachel: So are you just going to put away feelings or whatever the hell it was you felt for me?!
Ross: I've been doing it since the 9th Grade, I've gotten pretty damn good at it!
Rachel: Okay, you go ahead and do that, Ross! I don't need your stupid ship! [Ross leaves, and she walks up to the door to shut it] And you know what? Now I've got closure!!

[Ross, Chandler and Monica bought tickets for Hootie and the Blowfish concert for themselves and the others.]
Phoebe: I'm just gonna pass on the concert, 'cause I'm just not in a very Hootie place right now.
Rachel: Me neither.
Joey: Me, too.
Monica: Guys, we bought the tickets.
Phoebe: Oh, well, then you'll have extra seats, you know, for all your tiaras and stuff.
Chandler: Why did you look at me when you said that?

[The gang is decorating the Christmas tree]
Chandler: I remember my father dressed in the red suit, the big black boots and the patent leather belt, sneaking around downstairs. He didn't want anybody see him, but he'd be drunk, so he'd stumble, crash into something, and wake everybody up.
Rachel: Well, that doesn't sound like a very merry Christmas.
Chandler: Who said anything about Christmas?

[The gang is exchanging Christmas gifts]
Chandler: Ok, I guess that just leaves the gifts from Joey and Chandler.

[The gang observes a video of a young, fat Monica getting ready for prom.]
Joey: Some girl ate Monica!
Monica: Shut up! The camera adds ten pounds!
Chandler: Oh. So how many cameras are actually on you?

[a dog is trying to attack them and Joey throws his sandwich at him but he dosen't touch it]
Rachel: Okay, Joey, the dog will lick himself but will not touch your sandwich. What does that tell you?