Chandler: So, uh, now that little Chandler turned out to be a girl, what are they gonna name her?
Phoebe: They're gonna call her Chandler.
Chandler: That's kind of a masculine name, don't you think?
Phoebe: Works on you.

Chandler: So, What do you do when you're not working here?
Gunther: You don't need to fill these silences.
Chandler: Okay! Thanks...

Chandler: Today is the 6th.
Monica: No. [Shows Chandler a calendar]
Chandler: Yes. It's also 2003.
Monica: That means I may be done ovulating! I may also have served some very questionable meat at the restaurant!

Chandler: Veronica. Look, it's got to be Veronica, the girl in the red skirt. I definitely stuck my tongue down her throat.
Monica: That was me.

Chandler: Wah-pah!
Ross: What's Wah-pah?
Chandler: Whipped.. Wah-pah!
Joey: That's not whipped. Whipped is.. [Whipping sound]
Chandler: That's what i did.. Wah-pah!
Joey: You can't do anything!

Chandler: We have to do something huge .
Joey:We could climb Mount Everest.
Chandler: I told we have to do something huge. Not something stupid...

Chandler: Well, hello!
Joey: Where've you been?
Chandler: The doctor.
Ross: Is everything okay?
Chandler: Oh, yes. Just had me a little nubbin-ectomy. Yep. Two nipples, no waiting.
Monica: Wow. Just like Rachel in high school.
Rachel: What?
Monica: Come on, I was kidding. It was such an obvious joke.
Chandler: That was an obvious joke. And I didn't think of it. Why didn't I think of it? [Points at his chest] The source of all my powers. Oh, dear, what have I done?

Chandler: Well, if I were a guy...
[Everyone stares at him.]
Chandler: Wait. Did I just say "If I were a guy"?

Chandler: What are you guys doing out here?
Ross: Uh... uh... Well, Joey and I had discussed getting in an early morning racquetball game. But, um, apparently, somebody overslept.
Joey: Yeah, well, you don't have your racket.
Ross: No, no I don't, because it's being restrung. Somebody was supposed to bring me one.
Joey: Yeah, well you didn't call and leave your grip size.
Chandler: Okay, you guys spend way too much time together.

Chandler: What is it about me? Is it my hair?
Rachel: Yes, it's exactly that, Chandler. It's your hair.
Phoebe: You have homosexual hair.

Chandler: Why have I seen this thing three times?!

Chandler: Why would I kiss a girl and then put her on your bed?
Ross: Well, then, who was on my bed?
Monica: Oh! Oh! Oh!
Ross: [pause, then it hits] No! No! No!
Monica: Yes!
Ross: You were under the pile of coats?
Monica: I was the pile of coats!
Ross: Oh my...!
Monica: You were my midnight mystery kisser?
Ross: You were my first kiss with Rachel?
Monica: You were my first kiss ever?
Chandler: What did I marry into?

Chandler: Yo, paisan. Can I talk to you for a second?
Joey: Sure.
Chandler: Your tailor...is a very bad man!
Joey: Frankie? What are you talking about?
[Ross comes near]
Ross: What's up guys?
Chandler: Joey's tailor [Pauses for a moment] took advantage of me.
Ross: WHAT??
Joey: Frank? No No. I have been going to the man for like 12 years.
Chandler: He said he was going to do my inseam, and he ran his hand up my leg, and then there was definite...
Joey: What?
Chandler: Cupping.
Joey: That's how they do pants. First they go up one side, they move it over, then they go up the other side, they move it back, and then they do the rear. What? Ross, would you tell him? Isn't that how they measure pants?
Ross: Yes yes, it is...IN PRISON!! What's the matter with you?!

Chandler: You don't look good, Joe.
Joey: The fridge broke, so I had to eat everything. Cold cuts, ice cream, limes. Oh, and what was in that brown jar?
Chandler: That's still in there?
Joey: Not any more. By the way, you owe me $400.
Chandler: Is this a service you're providing me?

Chandler: You got a male nanny? You got a manny?