Station Officer Steele quotes from Fireman Sam

Glorious weather, reminds me of my days in the desert.

Oh, where did that come from?

Oh! What on Earth?

In a field above Pontypandy, on a rather hot day, Sarah and James are picking potatoes for Bella Lasagne.

Oh, it's hard work this.

Girls girls girls, moan moan moan. Come on, let's just get the job done.

Just 'cause you know Bella will give you some ice cream, greedy. Listen! It's Uncle Sam. [Races to the gate]

And Jupiter. [Puts the rake down and walks to the gate]

Well, sir, a day and a half this has been. It's the weather I suppose.

That's right, Fireman Sam. A blazing hot weather means lots of fires, eh, Cridlington?

Eh, oh, yeah, uh blazes, a blaze in hot weather too, right man, um, sir.

Who's in that field over there, Sam?

Oh, that's Sarah and James. [Stops Jupiter right next to the field to talk to Sarah and James] What are you doing in Bella's potato patch?

Picking potatoes.

For tomorrow's chips. It's hard, mind. My back aches.

Does it now? Well let's have a think. Yes, good idea that. Helping Bella. Carry on the good work. [Drives off]

Bye, Uncle Sam.

Bye, Uncle Sam.

It's all go at Pontypandy Fire Station this morning.

Drill day today, eh, Cridlington?

Now one cup of marge to two cup, two cups... [Sees Station Officer Steele] Oh, brill brill. I mean, a drill, uh, Station Officer Steele, sir, but I am making lunch, sir.

Oh, well. Not to worry, Trevor Evans is here today on his part-time fireman course. What is that, by the way.

Well, um, instant mashed potatoes, sir, it's full of fibre, you know. It's very easy to make.

Yes, well the last time you said that, we had to buy a new stove.

Oh.

Quick burst of the assembly bell. [Presses the bell] Fireman Sam! [Fireman Sam slides down the pole] Fireman Evans, fall in at the double!

[saluting to Station Officer Steele] Reporting for duty sir.

Where's Evans?

Oh. [Slides down the pole] Oooohhh! [Hits the floor]

[clears throat] Today, we shall be doing pump drill from a hydrant using soft suction followed by slip and pitch at Bella's cafe.

[whispering to Sam] Doesn't sound very tasty.

Slip and pitch, Fireman Evans, means using a ladder to rescue someone who is stuck.

Oh. Oh, pardon me, sir.

All present and correct, sir.

Right, Thomas Street, let's go.

Oh, lovely things, these are fire helmets. [Door knocks] Yes? Come in.

Morning, Sir.

Yeah what is it, Fireman Sam?

I thought I let you know that I'm--

What's that cotton ball doing in your ears?

I- I- I'm sorry, sir I can't hear a word you see, I got some cotton wool in my ears.

I said, what's that cotton--

Oh, oh, sorry sir. J-j-just going to test some sirens.

Yes, yes, yes. Good man.

Bella

Hamburger and chips, Norman, your favourite.

Oh, thanks. [Picks up his burger and takes a bite] Mmmmm. Hey, Penny, can I have a lick with my burger now? Ha hey! Ha hey! [Licks the ketchup on his wrist]

[to Penny] See, I've tried to bring him up proper, Penny, I don't know where he gets it from. [Puts her finger on some mustard bottle and tastes it]

Well done, everyone, lunch is on the fire service. Um....

Lunch here? But what about my curry?

Yes, uh, well I think it's probably, uh, dried to a frazzle now, Cridlington. Still, can't be helped.

I-I suppose so, sir. [Smiles] Hey, as Bella's so busy, I could give her hand with the cooking. [Leaves the table]

Oh, dear.

Aye, well good try, anyway, sir.

Jupiter is in good order, thank you. Now, the children are on holiday, and you know what that means.

Norman Price getting into trouble.

Not just Norman. It could be any one of Pontypandy's children. So stand by for heads stuck in railings, children stuck up trees and...

[while Penny chuckles] ...Sheep falling off Pontypandy Mountain, sir?

That would be a Mountain Rescue situation.

I think Officer Cridlington was joking, sir.

No he isn't, Penny. We had to rescue Woolly Wonders before now.

Anyway, we have to expect the unexpected and the watchword is "vigilance."

And that means keeping an eye on Norman Price.

This cold weather won't make our job any easier, you can't fight fire with ice cubes.

No sir, but this antifreeze should stop the hoses from freezing up.

Quite. Cridlington! [Sees that Elvis isn't listening] Oh, I say!

CRIDLINGTON!

Yes Station Officer Steele sir!

See if you can get that icicle off.

And be careful, the tips very sharp.

Yes sir, it is sir. Gone right through my scarf it has sir!

Bingo, this is perfect!

You'll be as warm as toast in here, see you later.

Ah, a sheepskin cushion, just the thing for this cold weather

What the-?! Look here! MEN!.

Yes sir.

This is a fire station not a farm! Get that fleecy flea bag out of here!

And see he doesn't darken my door again!

Don't worry Woolly, leave it to me and you'll be snug as a bug in a rug, the cafe's warm, you can stay there 'til I get your bed ready.

Time to start heading back.

Oh, I haven't found my gold yet.

Do we have to?

There's a secret underground passage here.

Oh, let me have a look!

Hang on! Wait for me!

I bet this is where cavemen used to live.

"Trevor loves Dilys true". Hm, must be an ancient cave painting! [she giggles knowingly]

Whoa, I can see something shiny!

Maybe it's gold!

Come back! Come back at once! Come out of there, remember what I told you, it's not safe.

I'm gonna get my Mam a gold nugget, like the one in her back teeth.

That isn't gold down there, it's mica, a shiny mineral deposit that---, Oh, talk to yourself.

In a minute, we could be millionaires and never have to go to school again.

Oh no, help.

What's the matter Station Officer Steele?

Help me, I'm stuck.

It's no laughing matter, help me, I'm blocking the only way out.

It's no use, I'm well and truly stuck, we should save our strength and wait to be rescued.

Anyone want a sandwich? [Norman's light suddenly switches off] What's that?

It must be the battery, just pop in one of the spares I gave you.

Uh-oh. They must have fallen out.

Oh no.

And if one green bottle should accidentally fall, they'll be five green bottles hanging on the wall.

Shh, listen.

Mandy, Norman!

Mam!

Right children, I want you to make as much noise as possible.

Mam!

Sam!

Fireman Sam!

Mandy, where are you?

Mam!, Mam!

Fireman Sam!

Get that dog off me!

Don't worry, we'll soon get you free, on the count of three, pull, One, Two, Three.

I don't think that's going to work.

We need something slippery.

Yes, and I know just the thing [Sam grabs his walkie-talkie] Penny, you know that grease gun of yours, well I've had and idea.

Here it is Sam, I've filled it up like you said.

Right, One, Two, Three.

Hooray! Fireman Sam!

It's all right now, everything's okay.

You got no chance, not against my prize pet.

Norman, if Station Officer Steele sees that lamb of yours.

He'll make him station mascot straight away.

Great Fires of London! He's gobbled all our geraniums!

[Comes outside and see what's happening] Oh! Get that sheepskin dustbin away from my station!

He only eats when he's nervous, it's the thrill of the competition.

Bet Norman feels sheepish!

By the way, have you seen Mrs. Lasagne's cat anywhere? She thinks her Rosa will make a perfect mascot and--

MRRREEOOWEOWW!!! [Rosa scratches Steele's fingers]

YEEEEOWWW!!! [Steele covers his hurt fingers and sticks them in his mouth, muffling his speech]

Sorry, what did you say?

I said, that's another animal disqualified!

Seems Dusty's got a good chance to be mascot.

Yeah!

Provided he's washed and cleaned.

You mean, Dusty needs a-?

Bath?

I'm honoured that you have chosen me to be the leader of Pontypandy's First Neighbourhood Watch committee.

That's strange, I don't remember choosing a leader, maybe that was the day we were abducted by aliens.

Or maybe we all bumped our heads and lost our memories.

[Clears Throat] My vision is to make Pontypandy the safest neighbourhood in Wales, we shall all make Pontypandy free from crime and look after each other.

If you ask me it's about time, sweets go missing from the shop everyday [Dilys doesn't notice a hand reaching into a biscuit jar] just last week my liquorice all sorts vanished without a trace.

My firefighters have agreed to join the Neighbourhood Watch scheme, I now call on everyone to do the same.

Great, let's start our very own Neighbourhood Watch scheme.

We'll help people in trouble.

Yes, just like the Pontypandy firefighters, let's tell Uncle Sam, come on.

Well-

Uncle Sam.

We're gonna start our very own Neighbourhood Watch.

Good idea.

Yes indeed, I knew my speech would inspire the young people.

So you don't mind if we use the garden shed at the fire station as our headquarters.

Hmm, very well.

I'll need a volunteer for this exercise, someone to climb to the roof and pretend to be in trouble.

I'll do it sir, I'll be on that roof before you could say A-womp-bop-a-loo bop A-loop-ba-boom.

Very well officer Cridlington, remember to wear the safety harness just in case, Sam I want you to beat your current time of 2 minutes, 20 seconds, Ready? Go.

Hang on, I'm not ready yet!

[Singing inside the fire station kitchen] Sticky toffee just like the hood.

Nice song Elvis. Is it one of your own?

Hi Penny, just uh making some uh toffee apples for Bella's little Halloween do tonight, not much of a toffee fan myself of course.

'Course not.

No more of a keep fit kinda guy, like you.

Attention men, Elvis, Penny, where's Sam?

Here sir, ready for what's sure to be a busy night.

I just wanted to have a brief chat with you all about the procedure for Halloween. Elvis Cridlington, what in blazes are you up too?

He's making toffee apples sir, doesn't like 'em himself of course.

Yes well, procedure Halloween, a lot of children, a lot of excitement, but a lot of trouble too. Especially with young Price around.

Don't worry sir. We'll keep an eye on young vampire Price.

There's mischief in the air.

And there's toffee in me hair!