Look: all kitchens are filthy, Mr. Fawlty. In fact, the better the kitchen, the filthier it is. Have you ever read George Orwell's experiences at Maxim's in Paris?
No. Do you have a copy? I'll read it out in court!
“Basil the Rat” · Season 2
In this episode: Basil Fawlty (6), Manuel (2), Terry Hughes (2), Sybil Fawlty (1)
I say to man in shop "Is rat." He say "No, no, no. Is a special kind of hamster. Is filigree Siberian hamster." Only one in shop. He make special price: only five pound.
Have you ever heard of the bubonic plague, Manuel? It was very popular here at one time. A lot of pedigree hamsters came over on ships from Siberia.
CMr. Carnegie
[Public Health Inspector]... Unless appropriate steps are taken instantly, I shall have no alternative than to prosecute or recommend closure to the appropriate committee of the council. Specifically: Lack of proper cleaning routines, Dirty and greasy filters, Greasy deep fat fryer, Dirty cracked and stained preparation surfaces, Dirty cracked and missing wall and floor tiles, Dirty marked and stained utensils, Dirty greasy and stained interior surfaces ........ storage of cooked and raw meat in same trays, Storage of raw meat above confectioneries with consequent dripping of meat juices on to cream products, Refrigerator seals loose and cracked, Icebox undefrosted, and refrigerator over stocked .... Evidence of smoking in food preparation area, Dirty and grubby food handling overalls, Lack of wash hand basin in which you gave us a verbal assurance you'd have it installed at our last visit six months ago, and two dead pigeons in the water tank.
Otherwise, ok?
[Figuring what to do with Manuel's rat] Perhaps we could find a home for him.
Alright, I'll put an ad in the papers, "Wanted: kind home for enormous savage rodent! Answers to the name of Sybil."
CPMr. Carnegie the Public Health Inspector
Mr. Fawlty?
[waves] Hello!
CPMr. Carnegie the Public Health Inspector
These premises do not come up to the standard required by this authority. Unless appropriate steps are taken instantly, I shall have no alternative but to prosecute or recommend closure to the appropriate committee of the council. Specifically, lack of proper cleaning routines, dirty and greasy filters, greasy and encrusted deep fat fryer, dirty, cracked, and stained food preparation surfaces, dirty, cracked, and missing wall and floor tiles, dirty, marked, and stained utensils, dirty and greasy interior surfaces of the ventilator hoods.
About the deep fat fryer...
CPMr. Carnegie the Public Health Inspector
Inadequate temperature control and storage of dangerous foodstuffs, storage of cooked and raw meat in same trays, storage of raw meat above confectionery, with consequent dripping of meat juices onto cream products, refrigerator seals loose and cracked, ice box undefrosted, and refrigerator overstocked.
Yes, say no more...
CPMr. Carnegie the Public Health Inspector
[continues] Food handling routines suspect, evidence of smoking in food preparation area, dirty and grubby food handling overalls, lack of wash handbasin...which you gave us a verbal assurance you'd have installed on our last visit six months ago... and two dead pigeons in the water tank.
Otherwise, okay?
[Manuel, under the popular misconception that ratatouille is made from real rats, attacks Terry for (supposedly) cooking his "Siberian hamster"]
...You put Basil in the ratatouille! Why? You murderer!! Why you put Basil in the ratatouille!!?
I haven't even made any bleeding ratatouille!
[The rat's head pokes out of the biscuit tray]
[to Mr. Carnegie] W-W-Would you care for a rat, or...?
[Awkward pause]
Just the biscuits then, please, Polly.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Fawlty Towers pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.