There were a lot of sloppy efforts in the best baby competition this year. A lot of very hairy babies.
Well, Ted, if people aren't even going to shave their babies before the show...
“Speed 3” · Season 3
In this episode: Father Ted (5), Father Dougal (4), Pat (3), Mrs Doyle (2), Father Jack (1)
You wouldn't be advising the use of artificial contraception now Father? Would ya?
Yes I...no I...if you're going to be...I...of course you, you...just feck off!
[trips over a brick Jack is dragging round on a piece of string] Wha... what's going on!?
Father Hackett's got very fond of that brick. It's a great old pet for him! He doesn't have to feed it or clean it or take it to the vet. Suits him down to the ground!
I love my brick!
Ah, that's nice. Maybe we're seeing a new side to Father Jack? A more caring, considera--
[Jack suddenly hurls the brick at Ted, knocking him out]
Ah, feck it! Fed up with "briiiiiick"!
[After Father Dougal has encountered some naked women at the very begining of the episode; last line of the episode]
Those women were in the nip!
FMr. Fox
(Dougal's New Boss) You'd better get going, actually. Milk gets sour y'know. Unless it's UHT milk, but there's no demand for that because it's shite.
Oh, Pat was wondering if he could put his massive tool in my box.
What! How dare you!
Pat (raising an enormous adjustable spanner): Yes, too big for the milk float.
[In a menacing phone call to Ted] You got me sacked. And now I'm having to yank meself off around the clock because I'm not getting proper sex with girls!
"[after Ted puts the brick on the accelerator and tells him to step off the float, waving the brick in the air]" Ted! You forgot your brick!"
(referring to the baby competition) I thought the standard this year was rubbish.
It was awful alright. A lot of very sloppy babies, who looked as though they really couldn't be bothered. And the hairiness of some of those babies; It was a very hairy baby parade.
Exactly Ted, if people aren't even going to shave their babies before they come out, I mean...
(still laughing evilly in the phone box) Oh yes, I'm afraid you messed with the wrong milkman, Father. (puts on sunglasses) Well, if you don't mind, I'm off. Better get out the earplugs, Father, because when that milk float goes up (the bomb-rigged milk float, now with no driver, wanders up behind the phone box without Pat noticing), you'll hear it all the way to the North Po-
(The scene cuts to an Inuit man fishing in the Arctic. He hears a large explosion and looks around in confusion, indicating that the milk float has detonated, killing Pat. The scene then cuts to the parochial house telephone, which is now buzzing.)
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Father Ted pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.