I want to listen to some music.
Oh, go right ahead.
I wasn't asking for permission.
“New Jack City” · Season 2
In this episode: Father Ted (5), Father Fintan Stack (3), Father Dougal (2), Father Jack (1)
He's not a very nice man, is he?
God Ted I've never met anyone like him anyway. Who would he be like? Hitler or one of those mad fellas.
Oh, worse than Hitler. You wouldn't find Hitler playing jungle music at three o'clock in the morning!
What are we watching?
FKFather Ken Dillon
We're looking at the sports day.
Lots of young fellas running around in shorts? That's the kind of thing you like looking at. (Turns to Father Shanahan) And I'll bet you like that too. You're probably imagining what they'd look like without shorts. You're sitting there, imagining that, with a big smile on your face. Ya dirty fecker!
Father Stack, if you're trying to embarass us, you're not succeeding.
Yes I am.
FRFather Rory Shanahan
Well I have to say, I think that you're a very rude man.
If you ever say that to me again, I'll put your head through the wall.
(Door swings open, sound of beer cans being kicked. Dougal is very obviously drunk)
Dougal, where did you go to?
Ted, how are ya!
(Dougal hugs Ted, Ted resists) Dougal, what the...
Guess what, Ted?
What?
(confused) What?
Dougal! Have you been drinking?
I have, Ted! I've been drinking like a mad eejit! No, no, oh wait! (gives a drawn-out wink to Father Stack) No I haven't!
Dougal, I'm ashamed of you.
(shakes Ted) Ted, Ted, Teddy, Ted, Ted. Come here Teddy, Teddy, Ted, Ted, you're my best friend. God I love being a priest. We're all going to heaven lads, waheyy.
Perhaps I should explain, your little friend and I were enjoying ourselves with a bottle of whiskey I found upstairs.
Oh, well, that is the last straw.
I'm driving! I'm driving home, I'm perfectly capable... (passes out. Fintan picks up the car keys)
Oh, by the way. I got the keys to your car, and I drove it into a big wall. If you don't like it, tough! (uses key to clean out his ear) I had my fun, and that's all that matters.
I can see up your trousers, Ted!
Right, well that's it. I thought giving alcohol to Dougal was the last straw, but I was obviously wrong as this is definitely the last bit of straw left in the thing. Basically what I'm saying is... there's no more straw left!
FSFather Shanahan
Ted, it's getting a little late.
FDFather Dillon
Yes, I really think we should go.
No, you don't have to go.
FSFather Shanahan
I think we should.
(leers at the two priests as they exit) Woooh! Bye girls, pair of wankers.
Oh right, that's it. Come on Dougall, I think we've had quite enough of Father Stack's company for one evening.
To the pub, Ted.
DRINK! FECK! ARSE! GIRLS!
HRHorse racing commentator
And it's Divorce Referendum in the lead, followed by Glory Be To God. Glory Be To God creeps ahead of Divorce Referendum...
Come on, Divorce Referendum! Come on, Divorce Referendum!
HRHorse racing commentator
Divorce Referendum is way in front; Divorce Referendum is speeding towards victory...
Yes! Yes!
HRHorse racing commentator
Oh, no! Disaster for Divorce Referendum as he turns in the opposite direction and simply runs off the course!
Oh, flip! You flipping, flipping flipper! Oh, it's the knacker's yard for you, pal!
I want to listen to some music.
Oh, go right ahead.
I wasn't asking for permission.
(Father Stack plays Limb by Limb by Cutty Ranks on his Boombox)
Limb by Limb, we are gon cut dem down
Send fi the hacksaw, take out the tongue.
See me me me me me, see di hit man ah come.
See me me me me me, said me just can dun.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Father Ted pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.