Lorraine Lyon quotes from Fargo

Lorraine Lyon

It starts as an itch. "I want a new pair of shoes" or maybe the minivan finally gives up the ghost. And just like that you're in debt.

Lorraine Lyon

Let me guess, the last time you negotiated with a woman was over the price of a Tijuana blowjob. How much to stick it in your asshole, that kind of thing.

Lorraine Lyon

What were you doing there in the first place?

Dot Lyon

I mean, it was a school board meeting. I'm on the committee for the new library. We're trying to raise money to expand thrillers and mysteries. Lee Child and the like.

Lorraine Lyon

Can't you just give money like a normal person?

Lorraine Lyon

What is your function?

Indira Olmstead

Excuse me?

Lorraine Lyon

The police. I mean, why do we need you except as a tool to keep a certain element in line? To separate those who have - money, class, intellect - from those who don't. You're gatekeepers standing outside the walls keeping the rabble from getting in. But in here, inside these walls, you have no function. You should remember that.

Lorraine Lyon

So you want freedom with no responsibility? Son, there's only one person on Earth who gets that deal.

Roy Tillman

The president?

Lorraine Lyon

A baby. You're fighting for your right to be a baby.

Lorraine Lyon

What's that?

Indira Olmstead

That's the history of your daughter-in-law, written in punches and chokeholds.

Lorraine Lyon

Well, I'm sure I don't need to see that. People who claim to be victims are the downfall of this country.

Indira Olmstead

Mrs. Lyon, have you ever in your life ever heard your daughter-in-law say she was a victim of anything? You may not like it, but sometimes crimes are committed against people. They're victimized and it's not their fault.

Lorraine Lyon

I told him not to marry her. This whole sordid mess.

Indira Olmstead

You're saying if a woman is abused and she manages to escape, she should move to the woods, live in a tree, free from the burdens of basic human contact? God forbid she gets a fresh start, a good man to wash out the taste of the bad.

Lorraine Lyon

I don't like your tone.

Indira Olmstead

Tough shit! Some of us work for a living and go home to empty houses, or houses that should be empty but are instead filled with the dirty underpants of our man-child spouses. Your problem is you think that you're rich 'cause you're better than me.

Lorraine Lyon

Oh please.

Indira Olmstead

We're the same. Up before dawn, making our mark on the world. But you know who you're really in sync with?

Lorraine Lyon

Hm?

Indira Olmstead

Dorothy. Yeah. I know you don't want to see it, but let me tell you what I see. I see a woman who outsmarted two kidnappers, killed one and nearly killed the other, and who probably saved your son and granddaughter's lives when they came at her again at the house. I see a woman who doesn't quit no matter what. Who won't be silenced. And, unlike you, who never complains. Even when her mother-in-law has her committed to a mental hospital. So I brought you her file so at least you could be an educated asshole.

Hello?

Lorraine Lyon

Are your balls in your belly, looking for a safe place to hide? Good. Listen to me, I'm pulling the offer. That $100 million is going to Mesa Prudential out in Flagstaff. What you get instead is the full might of the federal government reading the shit stains in your underwear like tea leaves.

Mrs. Lyon-

Lorraine Lyon

Quiet. A grown-up is talking. I called the SEC chairman personally, and as we speak, two dozen federal agents are in your office, seizing your books. They've also frozen every personal and business bank account you've got, so I hope you didn't give all your walking around money to that stripper. Oh, plus I hear your son is starting his freshman year at, uh, Notre Dame, except, whoops, you're late on tuition. So, hmm... [Vivian's other line rings] Oh, that ring you hear? That's your son on the other line, calling to tell you he's been expelled.

Mrs. Lyon, please-

Lorraine Lyon

Oh, "please". That's your secret weapon? You want to know what your mistake was? It was thinking death was the worst thing that can happen to you. So congratulations, the sheriff's not gonna kill you. Instead you're going to live the rest of your days in squalor, surrounded by the dead-eyed stares of your futureless children.

Lorraine Lyon

[on phone] Honestly, what's the point of being a billionaire if I can't have somebody killed?

Indira Olmstead

[picking up her ringing phone] Olmstead.

Dot Lyon

Indira, it's me. It's Dorothy.

Indira Olmstead

[to Lorraine] It's Dorothy.

Lorraine Lyon

Bill, I'm gonna have to call you back. [Lorraine hangs up] Let me talk to her. [Lorraine takes Indira's phone] Dorothy?

Dot Lyon

What?

Lorraine Lyon

Where's Danish? Have you seen him?

Dot Lyon

Killed. Roy killed him.

Lorraine Lyon

What was he even doing there?

Dot Lyon

For me. He came to save me.

Lorraine Lyon

Are you safe?

Dot Lyon

For now, but like a fish on the floor.

Lorraine Lyon

Listen to me. An army's coming, I called in some favors. State and federal. You need to get somewhere safe. Hide.

Dot Lyon

Why?

Lorraine Lyon

What do you mean "why"?

Dot Lyon

Why help now?

Lorraine Lyon

Don't get maudlin.

Dot Lyon

I need to know.

Lorraine Lyon

Because this busybody made me.

Dot Lyon

Oh, please. Nobody can make you do anything. If I don't make it back-

Lorraine Lyon

Quiet now. No daughter of mine is going down on the one-yard line. So put your big girl pants on and fight, you hear me?

Dot Lyon

Thank you.

Indira Olmstead

Dorothy, don't get in the fight.

Lorraine Lyon

I love that color on you.

Roy Tillman

You know what I'd love to see on you? A noose.

Indira Olmstead

Hey! Watch your mouth, convict.

Roy Tillman

She wouldn't last five minutes in here, that one. Too many principles. But you? You'd be Queen Shit.

Lorraine Lyon

I saw you filed for an appeal. That was a mistake.

Roy Tillman

Please. That whole thing was rigged, your so-called trial.

Lorraine Lyon

You should know I'm the single largest donor to the Federalist Society.

Roy Tillman

Oh yeah? What do they do? Something with books?

Lorraine Lyon

They control the courts, selecting judges all the way up to the Supreme Court with the president's blessing. So, buy a throw pillow is my advice. You're gonna be here a while.

Roy Tillman

It's funny. Prison is the way the world should be. The natural order. No apology. Men separated by race, races stacked with the strong on top, you fuck the weak, you kill your rivals, sleep with one eye open.

Lorraine Lyon

Yes, well, I just came by to say I hope you're settled in because now your real punishment will begin.

Roy Tillman

My what?

Lorraine Lyon

[to Indira] Wait outside, please.

Indira Olmstead

Are you sure?

Lorraine Lyon

Oh, we'll be fine, won't we, Roy?

Roy Tillman

Peachy.

Lorraine Lyon

You're right. She does have principles. Where was I? Oh, yes, punishment. Did you know that 85% of all prisoners are in debt? Hundreds, if not thousands of dollars, interest accruing, their families put out on the street. Well, I've started a fund to help certain prisoners free themselves from this burden. A private fund. Plus a little fresh cash each month in their commissary accounts. Vaseline, Vienna sausages, that kind of thing.

Roy Tillman

Which prisoners?

Lorraine Lyon

Oh...that one, I think. And him over there with the scars. Oh, and all of the men in cell block D. And B. And A.

Roy Tillman

Well, that's mighty Christian of you.

Lorraine Lyon

Oh, no, this has nothing to do with that book. It's an older text, written on stone tablets in the Age of the Skull Fuckers.

Roy Tillman

Did Nadine put you up to this?

Lorraine Lyon

Please. She's a girl scout. I fight my own battles and you need to pay for what you've taken.

Roy Tillman

So you want me dead.

Lorraine Lyon

No, I want you alive for a very, very long time. But while you live, I want you to feel everything your wives felt. Every blow, each humiliation. Fear.

Roy Tillman

I'm not afraid of you.

Lorraine Lyon

It's not me you need to be afraid of. [Lorraine passes Roy a pack of cigarettes] These might come in handy.