Everybody Hates Chris quotes

Narrator

With Ms. Morello gone, we had every kind of substitute imaginable. We had out-of-work actors.

To be or not to be? That is the question.

Narrator

We had out-of-work dancers.

Can one of you kids get that bucket of water and throw it on me?

Narrator

And sometimes we had out-of-work teachers.

Enjoy this while you still can, 'cause believe me, it's all downhill from here.

Narrator

We'd had just about every type of sub we could think of, except one: a black sub.

Greg

[about Ms. Morello] She went on a trip to Africa to help fight off an outbreak of yellow fever.

Narrator

It was more like she went to Harlem to fight off an outbreak of jungle fever.

Chris

Are you serious?

As a catastrophic cardiac infarction.

Narrator

Quit showin' off, just say "heart attack!"

Caruso

[to Chris] Hey Ebony. [to Greg] Ivory.

Good morning. I'm Mr. Newton.

Caruso

More like Mr. Tibbs.

It's a B minus, all right?

Chris

No, sir!

Do you wanna learn?

Chris

Yes, sir!

Do you wanna quit?

Chris

No, sir!

Do you wanna go to another school?

Chris

No, sir!

Why?

Chris

'Cause I have no other place to go!

Then you better answer my question: What's A squared plus B squared?

Chris

C squared!

I can't hear you!

Chris

C squared! It's C squared!

That's right! That's what I'm talkin' about!

Narrator

That was the worst wet T-shirt contest ever.

Narrator

Nothing made Drew unwind better than watching hockey, and nothing could wind him up faster than Tonya.

Narrator

Tonya got more people in trouble than a white girl at an NBA after-party.

[to Caruso] You don't see me making fun of you because you look like a Brooklyn Beach Barney Rubble.

Rochelle

I'm raisin' men in this house, and men do not hit women.

Narrator

That meant you couldn't hit a girl even if you were supposed to hit her.

Rochelle

You better not hit that girl!

This exam is critically important, so I advise all of you to study hard. Especially you, Chris.

Chris

Man, I can't believe this. The guy's gonna kill me. It's not like I didn't have it bad enough comin' to this school from the other side of town, havin' the kids kick the crap outta me, but now the teacher's gonna kick the crap outta me too.

Caruso

Quit complaining, Kareem. I love this guy. I didn't like him at first because of the whole black thing, but I'm doing better at math now. And the things he taught me about jazz, forget about it.

You! You did this to me!

Chris

I didn't know you were gonna get shot.

You sent me to this hellhole! This is your fault! Oh, you just gonna stand there?! I know where you live! I tried to teach you! I tried to help... get your hands off of... I know who your people is! Tried to help you!

Rochelle

You shouldn't be embarrassed that your boy only has a fifth-grade reading level. You should be embarrassed that he's 27! He should be reading "War and Peace," not "Horton Hears a Who!"

Narrator

Only problem with my mother helping at a book fair was she didn't read books and she wasn't fair.

Rochelle

[to a young girl reading "Hollywood Wives" by Jackie Collins] Girl, does your mother know you over here readin' grown-up books? [takes the book from the girl] Gimme that. [picks up a copy of "Flowers in the Attic" by V.C. Andrews] "Flowers in the Attic." Now that sounds nice. [gives the book to the girl] Read that. You done lost your Jackie Collins mind. And don't cut your eyes at me, either.

Rochelle

Who you gonna call?