Harold Brighton Abbott quotes from Everwood

Harold

Ask any parent and they'll tell you their child is incredibly brilliant. One in a million of those parents might be right. Just try telling that to the other couple hundred thousand.

Andy

[After his cellphone rings to the I Dream of Jeanie theme] You know, that ring takes all the authority out of what you just said.

Harold

Oh, my back hurts, my feet hurt, my clothes hurt. Starting tomorrow, I'm giving up fossil fuels.

Linda

Ohh! That was some pretty strong work today, Harry.

Oh, thanks. Didn't do so bad yourself, using your hoodoo powers of suggestion to bamboozle that poor woman out of her pain.

Linda

I am way too tired to take that as anything but a compliment.

Linda

That's what you do, Harold. When someone comes after you, you argue. But when someone comes after someone you love, the minute you see blood, you go for the throat.

Harold

That's what you do for family. You fight, you go too far.

Harold

Are you implying that I'm wooden?

Andy

Wooden? You are a 2-by-4!

Harold

You'll never guess who I ran into today.

Bright

Paris Hilton.

Harold

Who? No.

Harold

[about stopping Amy and Ephram from having sex] This is over, isn't it?

Andy

Not necessarily. They're teenagers. There's a chance they may screw up the relationship before they ever get to the sex.

Rose

Just remember. We were only two years older than they are now when we first...

Harold

Yes. Yes. And God punished us with Bright.

Andy

Ok, you're right, I am in a bad mood.

Harold

Really? Forgive my undropped jaw.

Amy

I've wanted to be a ballerina ever since I was a little girl.

Harold

Yeah. And you also wanted to be a princess and an astronaut, and, I believe, a carrot at one point.

Harold

Here's to hurling ourselves out of an airplane.

Andy

Here's to hurling in general! [high fives with Harold]

Harold

Owww! [holding his arm out and wincing]

Andy

Problem is you're holding your hand up too high.

Harold

You don't have to slap so hard next time!

Harold

Shall we consult; share our suggested feats of derring-do?

Andy

You go first.

Harold

Alright. Don't be alarmed by the criminal nature of the suggested. After all, it's mealy a misdemeanor…I propose that we shoplift chewing gum from Herb's general store.

Harold

[after finding Bill and Rose smoking pot] I trust you're not driving home in your condition.

No, I can drive with cancer... [laughter from him and Rose].

Rose

Really Harold, I took one hit.

Harold

Hit, so now you know the lingo. I suppose next you'll be listening to Pink Floyd over dinner.

Harold

You're not a bad person, Bright. Your impulses may not always be the best, but they are always honest. You have a good heart. At the end of the day that's all I could ask for.

Bright

So, is that all the stuff mom told you to say?

Harold

No. It is true she has always understood you better than I, always knows what to do. I've been at a loss more times than I care to admit. The fact is I'm a little jealous of you...

Bright

Now I know you're messing with me.

Harold

No, God no, not at all. Your ability to make friends at the drop of a hat: something I've never mastered. You approach life with an ease and natural social grace and I've always been hindered in that department. I've been waiting for a moment like this between the two of us.

Bright

Really?

Harold

I've always hoped that I would have something of use to say when you would need me, I guess. Of course after our camping debacle last fall, I'm thinking that maybe that time has past and you don't need me any more. And I really wanted to give you something, because the fact of the matter is you have taught me a great deal. Taught me how to laugh, take myself less seriously. I admire you.