Bishop Stewart quotes from E.R.

Bishop Stewart

[to Luka] When did you lose your faith? I've found with most people it comes and goes like intimacy in a relationship. Sometimes, it's so strong: a passion, rapture, and then, at other times, it's impossible, distant, lost. But that's not God, that's us. We put up our own barriers with our egos and our pain. He's always there no matter what.

Luka

So any fool can get into Heaven if he's scared enough to say he's sorry right before he dies?

Bishop Stewart

Dr. Kovac, everyone deserves to be comforted in their darkest hour.

Luka

Too bad you weren't there to comfort the little girl he killed.

Bishop Stewart

I didn't need to be. God was there.

Luka

Was he?

Luka

How long have you been having trouble breathing?

Bishop Stewart

I'm just... gathering my strength.

Luka

We have to go to the hospital.

Bishop Stewart

Pretty, isn't it? The snow. So much beauty.

Luka

Where's the phone? I need to call an ambulance...

Bishop Stewart

-No, please, I only need a minute.

Luka

You're dying!

Bishop Stewart

Evidently. As I was sitting here, I was reminded of the night I chose to become a priest. I'd been struggling with it for a long time, several years. Anyway, that night, I couldn't sleep so I got up and went out for a walk in the woods behind my father's house. It was snowing like it is now. I don't have any idea how long I walked but, at a certain point, I suddenly realized I didn't know which way to go. I'd gotten lost, I was frightened. As I looked up into that dark night, He came to me. I saw all those millions of snowflakes drifting down toward me, so still... So peaceful... Perfect. And I was filled with the love of our Lord, Jesus Christ like pouring wine into an empty glass. I'm afraid I may have wasted my life. For some reason I never accomplished the things that I should have, what God wanted of me and now I'm frightened... I'm afraid of dying. There, I said it. I am afraid to die.

Luka

We have to go to the hospital.

Bishop Stewart

[quoting Psalm 23] "The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures. He leaders beside the still waters..."

Bishop Stewart

How long do I have?

Luka

Maybe hours.

Bishop Stewart

Then I'd better hear it now.

Luka

Hear what?

Bishop Stewart

Your confession.

Luka

Bishop, I don't think...

Bishop Stewart

That's what you came here for, isn't it?

Luka

I wanted to check on you.

Bishop Stewart

You're searching for your faith. You think you lost it, but you only buried it. It's never left you. In the name of the Father, and the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, amen. May God, who enlightens every heart, help you to know your sins and trust in his mercy.

Luka

Father, I, I...

Bishop Stewart

Luka, your heart is burdened. Talk to me. Let me take that burden with me.

Luka

I don't know, I, uh, lost my family. Danijela, my wife, she wanted to move out of Vukovar but I had to finish my internship and soon it was too late, it wasn't safe to move. I was going to get some supplies and ai made them stay behind. I was just crossing the street when the mortar shell hit the apartment building.

Luka

So, I went out to get some supplies... I made them stay behind. I was just crossing the street when a mortar shell hit the apartment building. [throws up his hands in a gesture of finality]

Bishop Stewart

Go on.

Luka

I ran inside, there were my neighbors, hurt, bleeding, dying. I passed them by. I had to get to my family. A piece of shrapnel had torn into Danijela's spleen, and she was bleeding to death. When I turned back to my daughter, she wasn't breathing. I lost the pulse but, as long as I kept doing CPR and breathing for my daughter, I thought she had a chance. I could only pray that someone would get there to help. If I"d picked up Danijela at that moment and gotten her to the hospital she could have had surgery, you know? She could have lived but I couldn't leave my little girl. I waited and prayed. I prayed someone would come.

Bishop Stewart

[quietly] And no one came.

Luka

No one came. I called out for hours as I sat there, breathing for her, doing CPR. [pause] I finally had to stop, from exhaustion. I lost them all.

Bishop Stewart

You couldn't sacrifice the one, to save the other. Even if you had, you'd still blame yourself.

Bishop Stewart

These things can't be explained. Why it happens, the Providence of God, and the mysteries of life and death... are the very fiber of our faith. [pause] They were gifts, of love and life. You are a gift of love and life. Don't turn your back on them. God, Father of all mercies, through the death and resurrection of your only begotten son, has reconciled himself to the world and sent the Holy Spirit among us for the forgiveness of sins through the ministry of Holy Church. May God give you pardon and peace and I absolve you of all your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.