MKMackenzie King
How much do you make?
Me? Well it's in Canadian funds, so you have to deduct 38% , but, uh...
About myself. Absolutely. Consulate work is pretty dull. Although there was this one passport case-
MMackenzie
Wait a minute. You work at the consulate?
Well, yes. That's why I'm paid in Canadian funds. It's some- it's and odd governmental regulation.
MMackenzie
So now you're denying you work with Charlie?
With Charlie? No, no. I could never be a professional boxer. I mean, in high school I-
MMackenzie
I saw you bring him in. Are you telling me you don't feed patients to the clinic. You're not involved in this million dollar insurance scam? You're just this straight-arrow, do-gooding Mountie out to help the little guy? Tell me why I find that hard to believe.
Well, I understand your skepticism. Appearances can be deceiving. I mean, for example, you're a nurse, yet you wear extremely high heels to work. Which indicates either you haven't been a nurse for very long, or you have remarkable arches. Also, the way you hold your wrists suggests you spend many hours at a computer keyboard. And add to that, the slight crick in your neck, which indicates extended phone usage, and the minute traces of printer's ink under your three-quarter-inch nails. Which, by the way, must make bandaging quite a challenge. And a less trusting person might assume that you weren't a nurse at all. A less trusting person might assume that you work, say, for a newspaper. But then appearances can be deceiving.
MMackenzie
And you've known this since...?
The parking lot. Also, you should check you tape recorders. I think either your battery is leaking or some liquid has spilled into the motor. From the smell of it, I would say... [sniffs] mace.
Okay, I'm on the edge of my seat. What's this huge moral dilemma you're carrying on your shoulders?
I've given my word to a girl.
Fraser, you do not have to marry every girl that you meet.
Oh no, it's...she's a very young girl.
Well, then, you do have a problem.
[about a man involved in an insurance scam] So what's the dilemma? We bust him.
Then I'd be breaking my word to the little girl.
And this gives you a problem.
And if I don't turn him in, then I'm withholding evidence of a crime.
Very good, Benny. You can go to the head of the class.
So I've given it some thought and I've come up with the only...only logical solution: you have to arrest me.
Well, then I'm not gonna arrest you.
Okay, so how do you know the guy who paid Charlie's a fighter?
His wrists. They were completely hairless, indicating he wears gloves that are tied tightly in a constant use.
So we're tracking a guy with hairless wrists.
Also, the second knuckle of each hand is slightly lower than the others. His jaw clicked slightly when he spoke, indicating a fractured mandible. And his eyes had shifted downward and laterally in their sockets, cause, no doubt, by repeated blows to the zygomatic arch.
Okay, that I'll buy. But how'd you know he worked out in this gym?
It was written on his t-shirt.
You couldn't have said that in the first place? You had to go through the hairless wrists and the fractured mandibles?!
[The trainer is taking care of Fraser's first boxing opponent, Fraser is tending to his second opponent, and Ray has a bag of ice to his face]
TTrainer
Your old man taught you how to box like that?
My grandmother, actually. Although I'm beginning to suspect that the book she used was somewhat outdated.
[Later]
[hands ice pack to first Boxer] You're probably going to need this more than me. [to Fraser] Your grandmother?!
You think I can get a copy of that book?
No, I won't! Just enlighten me as to how, in the span of a two-minute conversation, you figured out that this guy's a criminal.
During the course of our conversation, he tried to spit several times, but he couldn't because his mouth was too dry, which would indicate that he's lying.
So let me get this straight. This is what they do in the Yukon, they arrest everybody who doesn't drool?
[Ray and Fraser are on a roof, watching a conversation using a telescope]
They're going to kill Charlie.
You gotta teach me how to do that, with the lips.
[Fraser prepares to climb down the side of the building]
Hey, hey, hey! The stairs are right over there.
DCDog Catcher
[to Diefenbaker] I gotcha! Where you going now, fella?
Hi. Diefenbaker, remember what I told you. [to dog catcher] Benton Fraser, RCMP, and this is my dog. Uh, wolf.
DCDog Catcher
I thought that was a wolf. Well he's mine now, 'cause you sure as hell don't have a wolf license.
Ray Vecchio" In fact, he does.
DCDog Catcher
You can't have this. It doesn't exist. It never did!
Signed by the mayor himself. Special dispensation. Now unhand that wolf.
Dog Catcher" [while leaving] Look what you did to my van!
You got it! I only asked you once, and you got it.
Of course I got it. You asked me for it, right?
Well, no. Not exactly. You see, I didn't want to bother him, so what I did was I xeroxed a dog license and I put in "wolf". Wonderful things, photocopiers, huh
[Fraser, dressed in his red Mountie uniform, is teaching Social Studies in an elementary classroom]
...which makes the border between Canada and the United States the longest undefended border in the world. So that since their formation, our countries have found a peaceful way to coexist. Except for the War of 1812, where your country invaded ours and we sent you packing - but that's hardly worth mentioning. Now, I think I'll open the floor to questions. [a boy raises his hand] Yes?
BBoy
Do you have to undo all your buttons to go to the toilet?
No. Anyone else? [the boy raises his hand again]
BBoy
How many do you have to undo?
Just enough to get your trousers undone. [the boy raises his hand yet another time] Yes.
BBoy
Do they have toilets in Canada?
Yes. We do. Anyone else? [the boy raises his hand] Anyone else a'tall? [the boy is frantically raising his hand] Any other questions a'tall?
[on phone] ...and you think this is the man who stole your cat? Claw marks on his cardigan, yes, that's very conclusive. Um, you know it's going to be a little difficult for me to break away from the case that I'm currently working on, but if you'd like to call back and ask for extension 312, Detectives Huey or Gardino would be glad to help you. Yes, they've been, uh, specially assigned to handle all animal-related offenses. No, ma'am, the pleasure's all mine. [hangs up, as Fraser walks in] How's it going?
Does it involve domestic animals?
[Across the room, Detective Gardino's phone rings]
GDetective Gardino
Violent crimes, Detective Gardino. Cat, ma'am?
[Fraser is on duty outside the consulate; a man takes a picture of his wife and Fraser]
HHusband
Okay, that's it.
[Buck appears with two horses]
Hop on, Son. We've got a villain to catch.
[leaving his post] You ran away, but you brought your dress uniform with you?
No, I rented it. If we don't catch him by Tuesday, I have to pay extra. Ready?
[the horses rear up and then take off; Buck stands up and puts his hat back on]
