...which makes the border between Canada and the United States the longest undefended border in the world. So that since their formation, our countries have found a peaceful way to coexist. Except for the War of 1812, where your country invaded ours and we sent you packing - but that's hardly worth mentioning. Now, I think I'll open the floor to questions. [a boy raises his hand] Yes?
BBoy
Do you have to undo all your buttons to go to the toilet?
[on phone] ...and you think this is the man who stole your cat? Claw marks on his cardigan, yes, that's very conclusive. Um, you know it's going to be a little difficult for me to break away from the case that I'm currently working on, but if you'd like to call back and ask for extension 312, Detectives Huey or Gardino would be glad to help you. Yes, they've been, uh, specially assigned to handle all animal-related offenses. No, ma'am, the pleasure's all mine. [hangs up, as Fraser walks in] How's it going?
[about the villain's accomplice] Escaped and at large. I'm printing out last knowns, but the parole office could have more current addresses. I'll call when I get them.
[Continuing] Anybody carrying illegal firearms please place them on the bar, you're under arrest. [guns are pulled out and cocked] That's very good. Now place them on the bar.
Ah, right...local custom. Alright, we're prepared to overlook the firearms infractions, it being hunting season and all. [a knife is thrown and lands in the door post besid Buck's shoulder] No, no, sir. You keep that. All we want is information on the whereabouts of one Walter Ho.
You're right, could be a trap. Now, we go in, ready for battle. [they burst into a room full of elderly people playing bingo] Alright! Nobody move! Get your hands on the table! Get those daubers where I can see 'em! [to an old guy on a walker] You, Pops! Hands in the air! [he obeys, loses his balance, and falls backwards] Oh, sorry.
[Outside the building the old guy is being carried off in on a stretcher]
Oh yeah, this makes sense. We got half the police department after this guy, but is he going to worry about that? No, he's got two limping Mounties on his tail.
Stand back, son. There's a villain on the loose! [the motorcycle pulls a willie and goes flying down the street; Buck stands up from his place on the pavement] Taxi!
Look, one week ago, that man in there stole my self-respect. At least I let him steal it. Now I want him to know I'm taking it back, now. I'm going in alone.
This has gone far enough! Let me point something out to you that your sharp Mountie eyes might have missed. See those windows up there? There are men in those windows with sniper scopes and high-powered rifles. Do you see any cover between here and there? No. Which means there's no way to get from here to there without being seen or killed.
Wrong! Rats. [holds hands up] Rats this big. And you know what they're doing? They're laughing at us. I'm in a canoe with two wounded Mounties and I'm being humiliated by rats.
