Doctor Who quotes

You will be exterminated!

Not yet. Your systems are still restoring, which means your shield density is compromised. One alpha-meson burst through your eye stalk would kill you stone dead.

Records indicate you will show mercy. You are an associate of the Doctor.

I'm River Song. Check your records again. [points her gun at the Dalek]

[uneasily] Mercy.

[menacingly sweet] Say it again.

Mercy!

One more time.

Mercy!

Oh. Ok. I escaped, then. Brilliant. I love it when I do that. [Checks legs] Legs, yes. [Checks neck] Bow tie...cool. [Checks head. Disappointed] I can buy a fez.

[speaking to 7-year-old Amelia, sleeping in her bed, as his timeline unravels] That's funny. I thought if you could hear me I could hang on somehow. Silly me. Silly old Doctor. When you wake up, you'll have a mum and dad, and you won't even remember me. Well, you'll remember me a little. I'll be a story in your head. But that's OK. We're all stories in the end. Just make it a good one, eh? Cause it was, you know. It was the best. A daft old man who stole a magic box and ran away. Did I ever tell you that I stole it? Well, I borrowed it. I was always going to take it back. Oh, that box. Amy, you'll dream about that box. It'll never leave you. Big and little at the same time. Brand new and ancient and the bluest blue ever. And the times we had, eh? Would've had... Never had. In your dreams, they'll still be there. The Doctor and Amy Pond, and the days that never came. The cracks are closing, but they can't close properly until I'm on the other side. I don't belong here anymore. I think I'll skip the rest of the rewind. I hate repeats. Live well. Love Rory. Bye-bye, Pond.

There's someone missing. Someone important, someone so, so important. Sorry everyone, but when I was a kid, I had an imaginary friend, the Raggedy Doctor, my Raggedy Doctor. But he wasn't imaginary, he was real. [shouting] I remember you! I remember! I brought the others back; I can bring you home too! Raggedy man, I remember you, and you are late for my wedding! [As Amy remembers, the Doctor and the TARDIS starts to materialise in the room] I found you. I found you in words just like you knew I would. That's why you told me the story, the brand new, ancient blue box. Oh clever, very clever.

Amy, what is it?

Something old. Something new. Something borrowed. Something blue.

[In the background] It's the Doctor! How could we forget the Doctor? I was plastic! He was the stripper at my stag do!

Okay Doctor, did I surprise you this time?

Er, yeah. Completely astonished. Never expected that. [steps out of the TARDIS wearing a tuxedo] How lucky I happen to be wearing this old thing. Hello, everyone! I'm Amy's imaginary friend! But I came anyway.

You absolutely, definitely may kiss the bride—

Amelia, from now on, I shall be leaving the... kissing duties to the brand new... Mr. Pond!

No! I'm not Mr. Pond. That's not how it works.

Yeah it is.

[looks at Amy and nods] Yeah, it is.

Ah, yes, blimey, sorry. Christmas eve on a rooftop, I saw a chimney... my whole brain just went... “What the hell?” Don’t worry. The fat fella will be doing the rounds later. I’m just scoping out the general... chimney-ness. Yes. Nice size. Good traction. Big tick.

Fat fella?

Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or, as I’ve always known him, Jeff.

[Pointing to frozen Abigail Pettigrew] Who's she?

Nobody important.

Nobody important? Blimey, that's amazing. You know, that in nine hundred years of time and space, and I've never met anybody who wasn't important before.

Hi, I'm the Doctor. I'm your new babysitter!

Where's Mrs. Mantebarney?

Oh, you'll never guess, clever ol' Mrs. Manters! She only went and won the lottery!

[watching on a projector] There isn't any lottery!

There isn't any lottery.

I know! What a woman!

If you're my new babysitter, why are you climbing in the window?

Because if I was climbing out of the window, I'd be going in the wrong direction. Pay attention.

Right, so what are we gonna do? Eat crisps and talk about girls? I've never done that, but I bet it's easy. Girls, yeah? [gestures excitedly]

Are you really a babysitter?

I think you'll find that I'm universally recognized as a mature and responsible adult. [shows him the psychic paper]

...It's just a lot of wavy lines.

[looks at the paper] ...Yeah, it shorted out. Finally, a lie too big. Okay, no, not really a babysitter, but this Christmas Eve, you don't want a real one. You want me.

Why? What's so special about you?

Have you ever seen Mary Poppins?

No.

Good, because that comparison would have been rubbish.

Why are you here?

Because I'm not finished with you yet. You've seen the past, the present... and now you need to see the future.

Fine, do it. Show me. I'll die cold, alone, and afraid. Of course I will. We all do. What difference does showing me make? Do you know why I'm going to let those people die? It's not a plan. I don't get anything from it. It's just that I don't care. I'm not like you. I don't even want to be like you! I don't – and never, ever will – care!

And I don't believe that.

Then show me the future. Prove me wrong.

I am showing it to you. I'm showing it to you right now. So what do you think? [looks over Kazran's shoulder] Is this who you want to become, Kazran?

...Dad?

I'm being extremely clever up here and there's no one to stand around looking impressed! What's the point in having you all?

Couldn't you just slap him sometimes?

But... who are they and... what is that box?

It’s a police box. Can't you read? I'm your new undercover agent on loan from Scotland Yard. Codename: The Doctor. These are my top operatives: [indicates Amy, Rory, and River in turn] The Legs, The Nose, and Mrs. Robinson.

I hate you.

No, you don't.

I'm going to need a SWAT team ready to mobilise, street-level maps covering all of Florida, a pot of coffee, twelve Jammie Dodgers, and a fez.

Get him his maps.

Dr. Song, you've got that face on again.

What face?

The he's-hot-when-he's-clever face.

This is my normal face.

Yes, it is.

Oh, shut up!

Not a chance.

Be careful!

Careful. Tried that once. Ever so dull.

Shout if you get in trouble.

Don’t worry, I’m quite the screamer. [Climbs into the tunnel.] Now there's a spoiler for you!

So, what’s going on here?

Er... Nothing. She’s just a friend.

I think he's talking about the possible alien incursion.

Oh, this is my friend River. Nice hair, clever, and has her own gun. And unlike me, she really doesn't mind shooting people. I shouldn't like that. Kinda do, a bit.

Thank you, sweetie.

I know you're team players and everything, but she'll definitely kill the first three of you.

Oh, the first seven, easy.

Seven, really?

Oh, eight for you, honey.

Stop it!

Make me!

Oh, maybe I will!

[tied to a chair] Is this really important flirting? 'Cause I feel like I should be higher on the list right now!