River Song quotes from Doctor Who

What do you mean it's a statue when you see it?

The Weepings Angels can only move if they're unseen. So legend has it.

No, it's not a legend, it's a quantum lock. In the sight of any living being, the Angels literally cease to exist. They're just stone: the ultimate defense mechanism.

What? Being a stone?

Being a stone... until you turn your back.

Doctor? Can I speak to the Doctor, please?

Hello, Angels. What's your problem?

Your power will not last much longer, and the Angels will be with you shortly. Sorry, sir.

Why are you telling me this?

There's something the Angels are very keen you should know before the end.

Which is?

I died in fear.

I'm sorry?

You told me my fear would keep me alive. But I died afraid, in pain and alone. You made me trust you, and when it mattered, you let me down.

What are they doing?

They're trying to make him angry.

I'm sorry, sir. The Angels were very keen for you to know that.

Well then... the Angels have made their second mistake, because I'm not going to let that pass. I'm sorry you're dead, Bob, but I swear to whatever is left of you, they will be sorrier.

What if the gravity fails?

I've thought about that.

And?

We'll all plunge to our deaths. See? I've thought about it! [examines the door] Ah, the security protocols are still live. There's no way to override them; it's impossible!

How impossible?

Two minutes.

Dr. Song, I've lost good clerics today. This Doctor, you trust him?

I absolutely trust him.

He's not just some sort of madman?

I absolutely trust him.

Our mission is to make this wreckage safe and neutralize the Angels. Until that is achieved—

[strained] Father Octavian, when the Doctor's in the room, your one and only 'mission' is to keep him alive long enough to get everyone else home! And trust me, it's not easy! Now if he's dead back there, I'll never forgive myself. And if he's alive, I'll never forgive him. [Pause] And Doctor, you're standing right behind me, aren't you?

Oh, yeah.

I hate you.

No, you don't.

We're too exposed everywhere. And Amy can't move. And besides, that's not the plan.

There's a plan?

I don't know. I haven't finished talking yet.

It's a Pandorica.

More than just a fairy tale.

There was a goblin, or a trickster, or a warrior. A nameless, terrible thing, soaked in the blood of a billion galaxies. The most feared being in all the cosmos. And nothing could stop it, or hold it, or reason with it. One day it would just drop out of the sky and tear down your world.

How did it end up in there?

You know fairy tales. A good wizard tricked it.

I hate good wizards in fairy tales. They always turn out to be him.

Daleks. Those are Daleks.

Daleks, Doctor.

Yes. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Dalek fleet. A bit over twelve thousand battle ships all armed to the teeth. Ahaah! But we've got surprise on our side! They'll never expect three people to attack twelve thousand battle ships 'cause we'd be killed instantly, so it would be a very short surprise. Forget surprise. [hits his head with his sonic screwdriver]

I have questions, but number one is this: What in the name of sanity have you got on your head?

It's a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezzes are cool.

You will be exterminated!

Not yet. Your systems are still restoring, which means your shield density is compromised. One alpha-meson burst through your eye stalk would kill you stone dead.

Records indicate you will show mercy. You are an associate of the Doctor.

I'm River Song. Check your records again. [points her gun at the Dalek]

[uneasily] Mercy.

[menacingly sweet] Say it again.

Mercy!

One more time.

Mercy!

I'm being extremely clever up here and there's no one to stand around looking impressed! What's the point in having you all?

Couldn't you just slap him sometimes?

But... who are they and... what is that box?

It’s a police box. Can't you read? I'm your new undercover agent on loan from Scotland Yard. Codename: The Doctor. These are my top operatives: [indicates Amy, Rory, and River in turn] The Legs, The Nose, and Mrs. Robinson.

I hate you.

No, you don't.

Dr. Song, you've got that face on again.

What face?

The he's-hot-when-he's-clever face.

This is my normal face.

Yes, it is.

Oh, shut up!

Not a chance.

Be careful!

Careful. Tried that once. Ever so dull.

Shout if you get in trouble.

Don’t worry, I’m quite the screamer. [Climbs into the tunnel.] Now there's a spoiler for you!

So, what’s going on here?

Er... Nothing. She’s just a friend.

I think he's talking about the possible alien incursion.

Oh, this is my friend River. Nice hair, clever, and has her own gun. And unlike me, she really doesn't mind shooting people. I shouldn't like that. Kinda do, a bit.

Thank you, sweetie.

I know you're team players and everything, but she'll definitely kill the first three of you.

Oh, the first seven, easy.

Seven, really?

Oh, eight for you, honey.

Stop it!

Make me!

Oh, maybe I will!

[tied to a chair] Is this really important flirting? 'Cause I feel like I should be higher on the list right now!