Eleventh Doctor quotes from Doctor Who

[referring to his baby son] He’s called Alfie. And what are you doing here anyway?

Yes, he likes that … Alfie. Though personally, he likes to be called Stormageddon, Dark Lord of All.

I’m sorry, what?

That’s what he calls himself.

And how’d you know that?

I speak Baby.

Of course you do.

Look around. Ask questions. People like it when you're with a baby. Babies are sweet. People talk to you. That's why I usually take a human with me.

So I'm your baby.

[Cheerful] You're my baby!

The Cybermen — they blew up! I blew them up with love!

No, that's impossible — and also grossly sentimental and overly simplistic. You destroyed them because of the deeply ingrained hereditary trait to protect one's own genes — which in turn triggered a... a... uh... Yeah. Love. You blew them up with love.

Imagine you were dying. Imagine you were afraid and a long way from home and in terrible pain. Just when you thought it couldn't get worse, you looked up.... and saw the face of the Devil himself. [pause] Hello, Dalek.

[Panicked] Emergency! Emergency! Weapon systems disabled! Emergency!

Hush now. I need some information from your data core. Everything the Daleks know about the Silence...

Why Lake Silencio? Why Utah?

It's a still point in time. Makes it easier to create a fixed point. And your death is a fixed point, Doctor. You can't run away from this.

[arrogantly] I've been running all my life, why should I stop?

Because now you know what's at stake. Why your life must end.

Not today.

What's the point in delaying? How long have you delayed already?!

Been knocking about. Bit of a farewell tour. Things to do, people to see. There's always more. I could invent a new colour, save the Dodo, join the Beatles. [On the phone] Hello, it's me! Get him, tell him we're going out and it's all on me except for the money and the driving! [To Dorium, boasting angrily] I have got a time machine, Dorium! It's all still going on! For me, it never stops! Liz the First is still waiting in a glade to elope with me! I could help Rose Tyler with her homework! I could go on all Jack's stag parties in one night!

Time catches up with us all, Doctor!

Well, it has never laid a glove on me! [On the phone again] Hello?

Doctor, I'm so sorry. We didn't know how to contact you. I'm afraid Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart passed away a few months ago. Doctor?

[Shocked] Yes, yes.

It was very peaceful. Talked a lot about you, if that's any comfort. Always made us pour an extra brandy, in case you came 'round one of these days.

Doctor? What's wrong?

Nothing, I... just...[hangs up the phone, sighs, and pulls out the blue envelopes from his pocket]...it's time. It's time.

The loyal soldier, waiting to be noticed, always the pattern: why is that?

Sorry, sir?

Your boss, you should just ask her out. She likes you. She said so.

[Dryly] Really, sir? What did she say?

Ah, she just sort of generally indicated —

[Turns and looks him straight in the eye] What exactly did she say?

[Stuttering] Well, she said you were a Mr. Hottie-ness... and that she would like to go out with you for texting and scones. [Smiles hopefully]

[Stares at him] You really haven't done this before, have you?

No, I haven't.

Those reports of the sunspots and the solar flares, they're wrong. It's not the Sun, it's you. The sky is full of a million million voices saying, "Yes, of course we'll help." You've touched so many lives, saved so many people, did you think when your time came you'd really have to do more than just ask? You've decided that the universe is better off without you. But the universe doesn't agree.

River, no one can help me. A fixed point has been altered. Time is disintegrating.

I can't let you die!

I have to die!

Shut up! I can't let you die — without knowing you are loved — by so many, and so much — and by no one more than me.

River, you and I know what this means. We are Ground Zero of an explosion that will engulf all reality. Billions on billions will suffer and die.

I'll suffer, if I have to kill you.

More than every living thing in the universe?

Yes.

So you're going to do this, let them all think you're dead?

It's the only way. Then they can all forget me. I got too big, Dorium, too noisy. Time to step back into the shadows.

And Doctor Song? In prison, all her days?

Her days, yes. Her nights... well... that's between her and me, eh?

So many secrets, Doctor. [Chuckling] I'll help you keep them, of course.

Well, you're not exactly going anywhere, are you?

But you're a fool, nonetheless. It's all still waiting for you - the fields of Trenzalore, the fall of the Eleventh, and the Question.

[Saluting as he exits] Goodbye, Dorium.

[Shouting after him] The first question! The question that must never be answered! Hidden in plain sight! The question you've been running from all your life! Doctor Who? Doctor Who? Doc — tor — who?!

I just need to find the key.

Do you want me to do it with a pin? I'm good with a pin.

Multidimensional, triple-encoded temporal interface. Not really susceptible to pointy things.

[Unlocks the police box doors with a pin] Got it.

Okay. Suddenly the last nine hundred years of time travel seem a bit less secure.

Are you the new caretaker?

Usually called "The Doctor." Or "The Caretaker." Or "Get off this planet." Though, strictly speaking, that probably isn't a name.

Why are you doing all this?

I'm just... trying to take care of things. I'm the caretaker.

That's not what caretakers do.

Then why are they called caretakers?

[Pauses, caught, then:] Their father's dead.

[Pause] I'm sorry.

Lily and Cyril's father, my husband, is dead, and they don't know yet because if I tell them now, then Christmas will always be what took their father away from them and no one should have to live like that. Of course, when the Christmas period is over, I shall... [she pauses] I don't know why I keep shouting at them.

Because every time you see them happy, you remember how sad they're going to be... and it breaks your heart. Because what's the point in them being happy now if they're going to be sad later? The answer is, of course, because they are going to be sad later.

But why would you bring us to this place?

It was supposed to be a treat, this is one of the safest planets I know. There's never anything dangerous here.

There are sentences I should just keep away from.

What's happening?

No idea. Just do what I do: hold tight and pretend it's a plan.

What do you know of the Dalek Asylum?

According to legend, you have a dumping ground. A planet where you lock up all the Daleks that go wrong. The battle-scarred, the insane. The ones even you can’t control. Which never made any sense to me.

Why not?

Because you'd just kill them!

It is offensive to us to extinguish such divine hatred.

Offensive?!?

Does it surprise you to know the Daleks have a concept of beauty?

[appalled] I thought you'd run out of ways to make me sick, but hello again. You think hatred is beautiful?

Perhaps that is why we have never been able to kill you.

The Asylum. It occupies the entire planet, right to the core.

How many Daleks are in there?

A count has not been made. Millions, certainly.

All still alive?

It has to be assumed. The asylum is fully automated. Supervision is not required.

Armed?

The Daleks are always armed.

What colour? [Everyone stares at him] Sorry, there weren't any good questions left.

Is there a word for total screaming genius that sounds modest and a tiny bit sexy?

Doctor. You call me the Doctor.

I see what you did there.