TV show quotes
[At the dancing house]
Are you sure we should be doing this?
Hey, Scooter, there is nothing wrong with taking one of life's most personal and intimate experiences, and putting a cash value on it. That's what separates us from the animals.
Do females go through the same things we do?
Well, now... your mother's a bit more knowledgeable in that area, and I know she'd like to talk with ya.
Yeah, okay.
'Cause I know you and your mom had a little run-in, but she's pretty smart, and she can give you some good tips. And if she does...
Yeah?
... pass them along to me! [laughs]
[talking about Ethyl] It was one of the most pleasant conversations we've ever had. She wasn't rude. She wasn't obnoxious. She didn't hit me...[jumps out of his chair in alarm] Oh my God, she's dead!
[Earl, Fran and Baby Sinclair are watching Ethyl on TV, talking about the afterlife]
Can I go to the afterlife?
No, not for a long time, sweetheart.
Oh, but I wanna go to the afterlife! Better than the now life.
Earl, I'm worried about what Mother's saying on TV. I'm afraid of the effect this may have on simple, impressionable minds.
[petulantly] I wanna go to the afterlife!
Earl!
Gee, Fran, now that I know there is one, why should I worry so much about politics, the environment and social injustice? I'm just gonna put my feet up and wait to die.
[Ethyl, having another near death experience, sees a vision of her late husband Louie]
Louie, is that really you?
Hiya, cupcake!
Oh, Louie, it's so good to see you! Am I finally good and dead?
Not yet.
Oh, will you guys stop jerking my chain?! I'm dead, I'm alive, I'm dead, I'm alive. If I wake up with dirt in my mouth again...
Take it easy, cupcake. They sent me here with a message: stop pushing the afterlife.
But Louie, it's so beautiful up here.
It's just as beautiful where you are, Ethyl. It's more beautiful, because it's life, and you only get a little bit of it. And if you don't live every day of your life to the fullest, you have an eternity to regret it.
But Louie, I miss you.
I miss you too, sweetheart. But it's not your time yet.
Will we be together, Louie?
Soon enough, cupcake, but you've got to go back now. And stop trying to make a buck off the afterlife. Dinosaurs who sell the afterlife may not ever see the afterlife. They may end up someplace not so nice. Look what's waiting for you.
[Louie shows Ethyl a door titled 'Place Not So Nice'; as it opens, five replicas of Earl Sinclair are in the family room]
[in unison] Hi, Ethyl! Come on in! [they laugh obnoxiously and Ethyl's jaw drops in horror]
[screams] NOOOO!
[An unconscious Ethyl is back indoors with the Sinclair family standing over her]
Grandma, can you say something?
Look, I think she's coming around!
[pushing his way forward, holding a shovel] No, no, no, no, no! The hole's already dug, let's get on with it!
[grabs the shovel] Not so fast, fat boy! [she hits Earl over the head]
I knew I should have cremated her. [passes out]
What I'm going to do is enjoy life and love each and every one of you... starting tomorrow.
Why not today?
Because today there's a perfectly good hole in the backyard, and we're gonna bury fat boy in it. [Earl regains conciousness at this]
What? [Ethyl hits him over the head with the shovel]
Again!
[Franny puts on Baby's Blarney video to try to calm his anger]
Okay, here we go!
I am Blarney, I love you. [chorus] E-I-E-I-O!
And if you're nice, you'll love me, too! [chorus] E-I-E-I-O! [Baby gives the TV a vicious look]
Well, it does seem to have quieted him down a little.
With a love-love here and a love-love there,
Here a love, there a love, everywhere a love-love! [Robbie cringes at the TV]
It's interesting, he strikes a chord with children. Something about Blarney elicits the purest feelings of warmth and affection.
EAT GLASS, BLARNEY!! [shoots his bottle at the TV, Blarney somehow notices this]
[howls, as the TV explodes, Robbie and Fran gasp]
DIE, SCUM! DIE!! [laughs maniacally]
Well, I gotta say, I'm with him!
THAT DOES IT!!!!! [takes slingshot away] I AM FED UP WITH YOUR BAD BEHAVIOUR!!!!! YOU ARE GOING TO YOUR ROOM!!!!!
NO! I WANT PRESENTS!!
YOU ARE GOING TO YOUR ROOM!!!!! THERE WILL BE NO MORE PRESENTS!!!!!
It's present time!
[as Earl and his co-workers are clocking off] And where do you think you're going, you walking mounds of refuse?!
Err, home, sir. The whistle blew.
The whistle?! That wasn't the "time to go home" whistle, you leaky bucket of animal droppings! That was the "keep working or I'll fire your lazy butts" whistle!
Good morning. Last night's massive aerial springs have succeeded in destroying all of the cider poppies. Unfortunately, it also killed all other forms of plant life on the planet.
[sadly] Well, there goes breakfast.
...and so it seems the task force solution to the cider poppy problem, has caused an environmental calamity of catastrophic proportions.
Somebody's in trouble.
[happily] Good morning, everyone! Isn't it a beautiful day?
[angrily] Earl, have you looked outside? That spray of yours killed every plant on Earth!
D'oh, pish-posh, Franny! Given the operation of this magnitude just bound to be some unfortunate casualties, but let's not giving the wild hunt purply. [Earl sees the valley with dead plants; Earl gasps in shocked] Duh... maybe we went a little overboard with the poison.
[shocked in anger] A little? [furious] Your stupid spray killed all plant life!
Hey, what are you complaining about? You never liked salads anyway!
[shocked in anger] Huh?
[angrily] You've destroyed the global food chain! No plants means no food at all!
Nonsense! There's a wide variety of commercial snack foods which have virtually no natural ingredients.
[Robbie groans in anger]
[furious] Earl, we can't live on Ho-Ho's!
I can!
[reassuringly] Hey, let's not get panicky. Our Task Force Technical Advisor will know exactly how to bring back the plants.
[Earl's statement of reassurance is immediately trashed as the scene cuts to WeSaySo's office.]
How the heck should I know?! I'm a captain of industry, not a gardener!!!
[Earl is on phone with B.P. Richfield after their latest attempt to correct nature ended up causing a global ice age and the inevitable extinction of the dinosaurs.]
What are you whining about now, Sinclair?
Sir, I think we may have gone just a teensy bit too far this time.
I don't know what you're talking about. Why, this sudden cold snap is a godsend! Dinosaurs are flocking to stores, buying WESAYSO heaters, WESAYSO blankets, and WESAYSO old-fashioned hot cocoa mix. [Laughs briefly] We're going to have the best third quarter in history.
Uh, sir, I think this could be the last third quarter in history.
Oh, don't turn into one of those environmental doomsayers, Sinclair. [Fake whines] Boo hoo, it's raining acid! There's a hole in the ozone! You're hurting Flipper! Bah, bunch of tree hugging pantywaists! They're always standing in the way of progress, and it's our job to pave right over them!
I think you're missing the point, sir. The world may be coming to an end!
Well, that's a fourth quarter problem. We'll drop a bomb on that bridge when we come to it. Right now, my biggest problem is trying to figure out what to do with all this money!!! [Laughs maniacally while tossing around the money on his desk.]
[The Sinclairs, who are wearing warm clothing, and Stan the Bunch Beetle are seen inside the Sinclair household as snow falls heavily outside the house. Earl is seen sadly looking out the window while the others are shown sitting close to each other.]
Could I have everybody's attention? There's something I have to say. [Sighs] First of all, Stan, I have to apologize to you.
Yeah, sure, whatever.
I now realize that building that wax fruit factory on your mating ground was wrong. Oh, sure, wax fruit's important, but... but so are bunch beetles.
Gee, that's big of you Earl. But I'm still feeling kind of blue. Maybe if there was someone holding me to her comforting bosom...[To Charlene] Hi.
[Charlene looks at Stan, then whacks him with her hand, knocking him to the ground.]
Ooh! I'll take it.
[Charlene giggle.]
And, I guess I owe the rest of you an apology too. You know, for bringing on the end of the world and civilization and everything.
I always knew you'd screw things up. I just didn't know how bad.
Mother, he said he was sorry.
And I know I put too much faith in progress and technology, and had too little respect for nature. [Sad music starts playing the background.] But, it's so easy to take nature for granted because it's always there. And technology is so bright and shiny and new.
We understand, sweetheart.
Understand what?
[Charlene and Robbie look at Earl, silently telling him to explain to Baby what is happening.]
Uh... Well, little guy, what happened was... Daddy was put in charge of the world and he didn't take real good care of it. And now, it looks like there won't be much of a world left for you or your brother and sister to live in.
Are we gonna move?
Well, no. There's no place to move to. This is the only world we got.
But, what's gonna happen to us?
Well, I don't exactly know.
But whatever it is, nobody's gonna leave you.
That's right, little guy. We'll all stay together.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, and hey, I'm sure it'll all work out OK. After all, dinosaurs have been on this Earth for 150 million years. And, it's not like we're going to just...disappear.
And taking a look at the long-range forecast: continued snow, darkness, and extreme cold. This is Howard Handupme. Good night. [pause] Goodbye.
Fran, I'm sure is just a matter of time, [evil voice] A LIFE TIME!!!!!
[Last lines of the series]
You're tuned to DNN's Pre-Prime News. And now here's senior correspondent, Howard Handupme.
And finally, follow-up from last week's Georgie Show mainly has sparked a Justice Department Investigation into the Georgie Empire, leading to the arrest of Georgie himself on charges of racketeering and tax evasion. In a related story, Earl Sinclair was pardoned of all criminal charges by the Chief Elder who was also apparent. He presented Sinclair a key to the city and thanked him for in his words: "giving that chuckling carpet bag a well-deserved shot in the chops.".
Yeah, a lot of goodness does me. There's no door in this city.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Dinosaurs pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
