Dharma and Greg · Season 1
[First lines in the series]
Leo, Sagittarius, and Aries.
Very good. Now the water signs.
Pisces, Scorpio... Abby, look. Policemen.
And what do we say to policemen?
I have a Fourth Amendment right prohibiting you from conducting an unreasonable search.
[offering her the "down low" hand slap] Yeah. Give me some skin.
It's raining. We're not going to sleep in the rain, are we?
No, silly, you don't sleep in the rain. You make love in the rain.
Ah. What if there's lightning?
Then you get to be on top.
He acted this way when I wanted to be a Girl Scout.
It's a para-military organization with cookies.
Next thing you know, she'll get a social security number.
I got one.
What? Why?
I opened a checking account.
Are you insane? You're on the grid now. They can find you anywhere.
Who's "they"?
You.
[Before Dharma and Greg's wedding]
Can you see me?
Yes.
Oh, I totally misunderstood that groom-can't-see-the-bride-in-her-wedding-dress-thing.
[Kitty comes in]
What are you doing here? You can't see her in her dress!
See, that's what I thought!
Larry, did you eat meat?
No.
You ate meat. I can smell it.
That's my tongue. It's made of meat.
Look! Look at these! They're awful!
They're just flowers. Nobody cares.
And by "nobody", you mean "you".
Yes.
Well, let me tell you something, Edward. Everybody cares. And by "everybody" I mean "me". I care, Edward. That is my job in this family. I care. I care at every Christmas dinner. I care at every business function. I care everytime that maid puts a meal down in front of you. And for some reason or other, you don't seem to notice.
All right, all right. Here's the checkbook.
Thank you, Thank you, Edward. I will tuck this away in the gaping void that was once my soul.
Don't lose the pen this time.
Oh, Gregory, darling, every bride thinks she wants to cook a Thanksgiving dinner and it always ends up the same. Someone cries, someone is rushed to the emergency room and a perfectly lovely bird gets wasted. Which, if I don't eat soon, will be me.
Kitty where's the potato masher
I told you I gave her the day off
Honey.. I love you, but bite me.
What's going on?
Well there is no pretty way to say this but my father picked up a woman who robbed him and left him tied to a bed in a hotel room...
Hey buddy, take it easy on him it can be pretty upsetting the first time.
(Reads Fortune Cookie) True wealth is measured in friendships. Oh nonsense
What is it ?
It's a duck.
That's not a duck, it's a goose.
Yes, but captain, my captain, goose does not rhyme...
Dharma do you have anything for a headache ?
Why what's the matter ?
I have a headache...
Well Roger that's just a symptom, I mean usually there is an emotional problem that goes along with a physical illness...
Yeah, aspirin, ibuprofen...
Loneliness, depression, anger...
So it doesn't bother you that your wife is talking to Stuart about his...well you know ?
You can say impotence.
No you can't ! Cause if you say it, you think it and if you think it you got it !
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Dharma and Greg pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
