Dharma quotes from Dharma and Greg

Dharma

Honey.. I love you, but bite me.

Young Dharma

Leo, Sagittarius, and Aries.

Abby O'Neil

Very good. Now the water signs.

Young Dharma

Pisces, Scorpio... Abby, look. Policemen.

Larry Finkelstein

And what do we say to policemen?

Young Dharma

I have a Fourth Amendment right prohibiting you from conducting an unreasonable search.

Larry Finkelstein

[offering her the "down low" hand slap] Yeah. Give me some skin.

Greg

It's raining. We're not going to sleep in the rain, are we?

Dharma

No, silly, you don't sleep in the rain. You make love in the rain.

Greg

Ah. What if there's lightning?

Dharma

Then you get to be on top.

Dharma

He acted this way when I wanted to be a Girl Scout.

Larry

It's a para-military organization with cookies.

Larry

Next thing you know, she'll get a social security number.

Dharma

I got one.

Larry

What? Why?

Dharma

I opened a checking account.

Larry

Are you insane? You're on the grid now. They can find you anywhere.

Greg

Who's "they"?

Larry

You.

Dharma

Can you see me?

Greg

Yes.

Dharma

Oh, I totally misunderstood that groom-can't-see-the-bride-in-her-wedding-dress-thing.

Kitty

What are you doing here? You can't see her in her dress!

Dharma

See, that's what I thought!

Dharma

Kitty where's the potato masher

Kitty

I told you I gave her the day off

Dharma

What's going on?

Greg

Well there is no pretty way to say this but my father picked up a woman who robbed him and left him tied to a bed in a hotel room...

Pete

Hey buddy, take it easy on him it can be pretty upsetting the first time.

Kitty

What is it ?

Greg

It's a duck.

That's not a duck, it's a goose.

Dharma

Yes, but captain, my captain, goose does not rhyme...

Dharma do you have anything for a headache ?

Dharma

Why what's the matter ?

I have a headache...

Dharma

Well Roger that's just a symptom, I mean usually there is an emotional problem that goes along with a physical illness...

Yeah, aspirin, ibuprofen...

Dharma

Loneliness, depression, anger...

Greg

We'll get her things and we'll go to the hospital.

Dharma

Why she's not sick ?!

Greg

Dharma, people have babies in hospitals

Dharma

Yeah, I know isn't it horrible ?

Greg

Who are all this people ?

Abby

Oh they're gonna help us with the baby.

Greg

Why ?

Dharma

Because it takes a village to raise a child Greg.

Greg

It does ?

Kitty

And, I realised that my true destiny was to be the matriarch of a large powerfull family. Like the Kennedys. But not catholic.

Dharma

So why didn't you had a lot of kids ?

Kitty

I couldn't have any more after Gregory

Dharma

Oh really I'm sorry... Why ?

Kitty

It hurt too bad.

Dharma

Picture how incredible would have been high school if your mother had sat you down and taught you how to please a woman ?

Greg

Thanks for that picture honey I may never have sex again...