Debra Morgan quotes from Dexter

Debra

So he's 20 years older than me, what do you care?

Dexter

I don't. [pause] I mean, [sits down, leans close] I'm sure you wouldn't do anything like that.

Debra

What are you talking about, do anything like what?

Dexter

Like, try to sleep your way to the top.

Debra

You douche! That is so not true!

Dexter

Of course not, I shouldn't have even said anything, and I'm sure that thought would never even occur to anybody else.

Debra

Double-douche! You are not allowed to talk about anyone I date as long as you're seeing Little Miss "Pardon My Tits". I'm sorry, Dex, but she is gross. And pale, and nobody is pale in Miami. She is obviously a vampire. A gross, English, titty vampire.

Dexter

You just described the perfect woman.

Debra

[disgusted]

Lundy

I thought we were out as a couple.

Debra

Out and flaunting it are two different things.

Lundy

What, don't ask, don't tell?

Debra

Works for the military.

Lundy

Not really.

Debra

What the fuck, Dex?

Dexter

What which fuck?

Dexter

Deb, Doakes is a lot of things, but he's not an idiot. He won't come out of the shadows because of a grudge.

Debra

Right. 'Cause serial killers are so practical.

Dexter

Actually, they are.

Debra

All right. Quinn's been in homicide two weeks and he noticed.

Dexter

Noticed what?

Debra

My hair. I changed my hairstyle for the first time since I was eight.

Dexter

Oh, yeah. Short – er, shorter.

Debra

Just like every other tweaker-hooker case.

Dexter

Except the tattoo peeled off her shoulder.

Debra

Coroner says not a tattoo. [waves folder back and forth like a pendulum] You're getting interested.

Dexter

Actually, I'm getting sleepy.

Oh, God, that really matters to you, doesn't it? Your cop friends – it's your whole life, them, the job, the shield. As far as I can tell, without that, you've got nothing. Except your, uh, treadmill.

Debra

[pause] Kind of a cunt, aren't you?

Dexter

Rita's pregnant.

Debra

Say again?

Dexter

Rita's pregnant.

Debra

You're lying.

Dexter

I'm not lying.

Debra

A baby? A mother-fucking rolly-polly chubby-cheeked shit machine, are you kidding me?

Dexter

I've never heard it described in quite those words before, but yeah.

Debra

Have you started thinking about names yet? Not that I wanna push it on you or anything, but if you have a girl, Debra's a really good name!

Dexter

...Deb I should tell you-

Debra

Oh my God what happened!?

Dexter

Nothing happened! It's just I'm not sure I'm gonna be there to raise the baby.

Debra

...What?

Dexter

I don't know if I'm gonna be a father to the kid. [Debra punches him in the arm] Ow!

Debra

Of course you are you moron.

Dexter

Deb...

Debra

Shut the fuck up! How can you even say you're not gonna be a father to that kid! I mean where would you be without Harry!? And he wasn't even your biological father!

Dexter

I just think I'm gonna be a lousy father, I don't wanna screw the kid up. [Debra punches him in the arm again] Would you please stop doing that!

Debra

Then stop saying stupid things! I mean first of all who are we kidding, you're gonna be a great father. And second, and much more important, big dumb brother of mine, this isn't about you.

Dexter

...Who's it about?

Debra

...The baby. So it doesn't matter how scared you are. How reluctant or unprepared you might feel, the baby comes first. And that baby needs you.

Dexter

Studies show that emotional intelligence plays a greater role in individual success than anything that can be measured on the standard IQ test.

Debra

Are you calling me an emotional idiot?

Dexter

If you're an idiot, then I'm a vegetable.

Vince Masuka

Your victim was smothered. That's not opinion. That's science. And science is one cold-hearted bitch with a 14-inch strap on.

Debra

And he's back.

I was also hoping I could speak with a couple of your previous witnesses.

Debra

Speak with? As in we didn't do it right the first time?

Cases evolve. Witnesses change their stories, junior personnel they make mistakes. No disrespect.

Oh, whoa! Actually that's a lot of disrespect. You've come into our house twice, you not only insult our police work, now you're insulting one of the most dedicated officers I've ever partnered with... yes, you. It's bullshit, my man!

Let's not lose sight of the fact that we want the same thing here. To find whoever is responsible for these murders.

Masuka

Ah, there is one slight problem. Your case has nothing to do with our case.

Angel

The Vic wasn't skinned?

Masuka

Not like our previous victims. There were minute traces of ink in the papillary and reticular...

Angel

English?

Masuka

Someone dug out a tattoo from the back of her neck. Postmortem. Which is another reason why I don't think we're looking at the same killer. It's all right here in the County Medical Examiner's Report.

That's your opinion. My lab thinks differently.

Angel

Let me see that.

You're not taking this seriously are you?

Debra

In a fucking heartbeat! Do you know how many times Vince Masuka's been published?

Angel

He's our lead forensic investigator. And there's no one better.

Our victim was strangled, the same as yours.

Masuka

Petechial hemorrhaging in the eyes and bruising would lead one to conclude strangulation. Unless you're me. You were so busy playing hide the sausage with the M.E.'s report you were hoping I'd miss the cotton fibers in the nose and airways. Your victim was smothered. That's not opinion, that's science. And science is one cold-hearted bitch with a 14 inch strap-on!

Debra

And he's back!

Debra

[after pulling an all-nighter] I found a fucking lead on The Skinner case. It's in the trees! Right, so, we've had our heads up our asses, Sarge. We've been looking down at the bodies, but no one has been looking up!

Angel

... How much caffeine have you had?

Debra

A metric fuck-ton.

Angel

Well you should stop, its giving you touretts.

Debra

So I go through every fucking photo of every fucking crime scene, and guess what I found.

Trimmed trees?

Debra

No, I didn't find shit. But, when I looked at the homes of the victims, mother fucking trimmed trees!

Dexter

Hey, you know anything about wedding bands?

Debra

Yeah, wedding rings and nuclear fission are my secret specialties.

Dexter

Thanks. [leaves]

Your brother's kind of a dweeb, huh?

Debra

You say anything more about my brother and I will kick your fucking nuts down your throat.

[laughs] That doesn't even make any sense.