Audrey Liddell quotes from Dawson's Creek

Pacey

How do you do that thing?

Audrey

What thing?

Pacey

You smile and the whole world lights up.

Audrey

You're not my type. You're not my type.

Pacey

You already said that.

Audrey

I know. I'm just... convincing myself.

Joey

[to Audrey] I love you. [to Pacey] I love you. I love you both in the best, simplest way, and all I care about is that you guys are happy.

Audrey

You're like... giving us permission?

Joey

You don't need my permission. I'm giving you my blessing... for what it's worth.

Audrey

Let's just enjoy this for what it is, a wacky road trip high jinx with a motley crew and their collective sexual tension.

Pacey

Throw in a bag of pork rinds, you got yourself a deal.

Pacey

[after having sex] I am more glad. I am gladder. Gladdest. And I can't feel anything below my waist. Is that supposed to happen?

Audrey

Give me another hour, you'll be in a coma.

Pacey

[panting] Where... on Earth... did you learn how to do that?

Audrey

National Geographic.

Pacey

So this is spring break, it doesn't really look like the brochures.

Audrey

Hey. I provided the house, you people we supposed to bring on the fun. There are some pizzas.

Joey

We could rent some movies...

Pacey

...or play strip poker.

NO!

Pacey

Come on, its not like I haven't seen you all naked before. Ok, ok. We'll rent movies.

Audrey

It sounds like a cat dying.

Joey

I think it's music.

Audrey

Could he be any cuter?

Joey

No, but he could be more in tune.

Audrey

Come on. This is so romantic. It's like that movie. It's like you make him want to be a better man.

Joey

Wouldn't it be better for society if I made him want to be a better guitar player?

Audrey

Ok, it is official. You are the queen of negativity. There'll be a crowning ceremony later in the day.

Audrey

Oh, my god! You're still there, like a vegetable.

Joey

Writing a good e-mail is hard.

Audrey

Yes, especially when it is a huge mistake.

Joey

Shut up.

Audrey

Joey, I am serious. E-mail expression is the scourge of the modern age. The Internet has made it way too easy to express oneself. Ok, you have some fleeting thought. You send it. It lands with a thud in some unsuspecting person's mailbox. Said person then reads it, gets irked because you've recapped a conversation that you presumably already had. They fail to respond. You feel slighted. But if you must be one of these pathetic passive/aggressive e-mail types, far be it from me to stop you. What do you have so far?

Joey

Well... I had "Dear Dawson," and then I erased it.

Audrey

Why? I think that's a nice start.

Joey

I seemed cold.

Audrey

True. I mean, you did just nude-up with the guy. Oh, I'm sorry, or did you guys do it through a hole in a sheet because that's very Dawson and Joey to me.

Joey

Again, shut up.

Audrey

Sorry. Ok, so what do you want to say?

Joey

I don't know. I mean, I don't like the way things ended, and I want him to know that I care, but I also want to hold on to my righteous indignation.

Audrey

Obviously. Well, why don't you just pick up the phone and call him?

Joey

I'm afraid we'll just fall right back into our old patterns. Trust me. E-mail is a far safer alternative at the moment.

Audrey

Ok, if you must do this, then I say that you go for it. You know, be gooey and be embarrassing, but most of all, just be real, Joey. Say all of the things that you can't say to his face, the whole nine.

Joey

You're right. I better get to work. But...thank you, Audrey.

Audrey

No problem, sister Christian.

Jen

Boston Bay is not a party school, Audrey.

Audrey

Spare me your lies, Jen. I am not going back to my evil den of higher learning. This is clearly where it's at.

Jack

Hey, the midday keggers get a little old after a few semesters, trust me. I tell you what, I'm gonna meet you guys in there. I'm gonna go talk to Professor Freeman.

Jen

Don't you think that's a tad Tracey Flick? He doesn't know who you are.

Jack

Sure he does. I've raised my hand and talked in class a lot of times. He's noticed. He has.

Jen

All right... swimfan. Somebody has got to talk to that boy about his love of the straights.

Audrey

Whatever. It's totally hot.

Jen

So, you're coming, right? I mean, if the band can overcome their complicated romantic entanglements and still be friends, the least that we can do is all get along for one night.

Audrey

All right, I am willing to grant that there is a certain karmic appropriateness to seeing one's ex-boyfriend for the first time at a No Doubt concert.

Jen

You're bending.

Audrey

I'm not bending.

Jen

Oh, come on, you know you want to. Empowered female. Incredible fashion sense.

Audrey

I suppose mojo Jojo will be attending.

Jen

Oh, come on, if you can-- if you can be with her in that tiny little dorm room of yours, you're going to be just fine in a crowd of 14,000 strangers.

Audrey

So she's bringing that guy, right?

Jen

Mm-hmm, but we don't have to sit next to them. We're using the gays as a barrier between the breeders and the bitter, single girls.

Pacey

Hey. I did call you, you know.

Audrey

I know. At least I figured that I shouldn't talk to you until I hated you a little less.

Pacey

Oh, well... how's that going for you?

Audrey

It's going, yeah. The problem is now I kind of hate myself, but, uh...

Pacey

Audrey, can we go talk a walk? Maybe talk someplace that's a little quieter and slightly more private before all the madness starts?

Audrey

[Chuckles] You really are an old man, aren't you?

Joey

Audrey! Lay off.

Audrey

What's your problem, princess? I was sticking up for Joe Dirt over there.

Pacey

Oh, this isn't going to end well.

Audrey

Would you shut up, Pacey?

Pacey

You're out of line, Audrey.

Audrey

Of course I am. Anyone messes with the one that got away and you get all up on your high horse, don't you?

Jen

Audrey...

Audrey

Oh, excellent, another party heard from. What's your problem, Lindley?

Jen

I think you're the one with the problem.

Audrey

Oh! How devilishly clever of you, Jen. [Pause] Oh, honey, are you still upset that I shagged your dream boy, because I am sorry about that.

Jen

What are you even doing here?

Audrey

I missed my flight, bitch! Which is really, terribly unfortunate, because if you think that spending Christmas on Walton Mountain is my idea of a good time, than you all are about as high as I am right now.

Gail

Audrey? Why don't you go lie down?

Audrey

Oh, you know, thanks for that Gail, really, but I think I'm kinda just getting started here. Do any of you have have any idea how hypocritical this whole little gathering is? I mean, I'd be flying high on a pleasingly potent cocktail of vodka and painkillers and thank you, by the way, Gail, for the painkillers. But I seem to be seeing things a little clearer than-than any of you. Dawson. Pacey. You guys hate each other, don't you? You're never going to-to be able to mend this little rift that exists between the two of you, so-so why do you even bother with the charade? And Dawson and Joey. [Laughs] Here you are, both of you, all grown-up and so very pleased with yourselves and each with your little significant other by your side respectively and while I will give you that it does make for a pretty picture, the truth of the matter is that you guys finally slept together and you've never really dealt with it. And neither of you are going to be able to have a relationship with anyone else till you finally just deal with your crap once and for all. And...as for you, Pacey, I'm really sorry that Audrey Hepburn next to you broke your heart all those years ago and has prevented you from ever fully committing to an adult relationship...but you know what? Just grow up.

Audrey

Want to make out?

Eddie

No.

Audrey

Good. That was your test, buddy. You break her heart again and I'm going to kill you. You got it?

Audrey

Oh, my god! Where is he?

Jen

Who?

Audrey

Who? Who? Oh, Jen, Jen. Sweet, sweet, Jen. Such an amusing facade, but it's of no use. You can't keep us apart. It's destiny, I tell you. Destiny. Jen, he was on my plane.

Ladies, put the claws back. No need to fight. Plenty of room on the Carolla coaster for everyone.

Jen

I'm afraid I won't meet the minimum-height requirement. It's nice to meet you. I got to go.

Well, what about you? You want to hop on board?

Audrey

I wasn't talking about you, doofus. I'm kind of looking for Dr. Drew.

Pinsky?

Audrey

Yes, yes! Do you know where he is?

That geezer's probably out casket shopping. He's old. He's an old man. He's old enough to be your grandfather. Whereas I, I'm just old enough to be your daddy. And plus, the guy's a bore. He's an amazing bore. He never stops talking about gonorrhea and hepatitis G. Believe me, I know. I have to share a hotel room with the guy. Cheap bastards.

Audrey

Oh, my god. You've shared a room with him? Tell me something. Have you seen him naked?

Yes. Yes, I have.

Jen

Um...ok, why don't we go to Mandy behind the screen? Mandy, what's your question? Mandy?

Audrey

Oh. Hi. Sorry, no. Actually, my name is Audrey, and my question is specifically for Dr. Drew. Um, I'm about 5'7". I've got blond hair, blue eyes, great rack.

Jen

Audrey, question. Find it.

Audrey

Oh, right. Ok. Well, um... several months ago, I realized that I had a serious problem with alcohol. I had all these negative feelings about my life, and I was using alcohol as my escape. And in the process, I hurt a lot of people that were very close to me. And if it hadn't been for those very same people, I probably would not have gotten the professional help that I needed. So after spending several weeks in a rehab facility in southern California, um... I guess my question to you is this, Dr. Drew-- how would you like to go back to my dorm room and play a little game I like to call "dirty doctor and naughty nurse?"

Pacey

So they told me you went away for a while.

Audrey

Let's not be awkward exes, Pacey. I was drying out in Malibu.

Pacey

Ok. Well, you look great, anyhow.

Audrey

Clean living, my friend. So, what happened to your job? I know you're not just taking a long lunch break. You're a little too hard-core for that.

Pacey

Well, I've been reassessing how I allocate my time.

Audrey

So you're drinking?

Pacey

I'm thinking about it.

Audrey

You're thinking about taking a tasty downward spiral? Oh, you'd better quit while you're ahead. You're not cut out for this.

Pacey

What are you talking about? I could spiral with the best of them. Speaking of... shouldn't you really avoid places like this?

Audrey

I, um, can't hide from my problems forever. It's kind of how I ended up in rehab in the first place, right?

Pacey

Well, that's brave of you. But you were always good like that.

Audrey

Yeah, well, I'll be your personal superhero, ok?

Pacey

Ok.

Audrey

Unless of course you want to spend the rest of your days hiding out in dives like this. What are you hiding from, Pacey?

Pacey

I'm hiding from the suit, because it's evil. Bad things happen when it's on. I allowed people to believe in me for a second, which was foolish, and now it's really coming back to bite them in the ass.

Audrey

You know what? This isn't you talking. This is your former self rearing its ugly head. Come on, Pacey. I know moments like these. One path is the harsh reality, and one path is the comfortably numb. But guess what? In the morning, when you're all sobered up, the problem's still gonna be there. Only, now it'll be like a big festering wound, and you'll just be the jerk who sat back and let it get worse.

Pacey

Well, thanks for not walking on eggshells around me.