Audrey Liddell quotes from Dawson's Creek

Audrey

OK, my question of the day is this: Why do guys do anything to get your phone number, but once they have it, never use it properly? I mean, why do they only use it for a booty call? Oh, and footnote: where does the term "booty call" come from? I mean, if "booty" means "sex", why don't people ever say: "let's go have booty"?

Audrey

[to Joey] Our friendship is like the special-est thing that I've found since I came here. And what do I do? I step on it. I betray you. Why? Because I am weak when it comes to men.

Audrey

[To Pacey] Happiness, it freaks me out.

Audrey

That sound you just heard? That was all the fun leaving the building.

Dawson

Well, I went to go take the tour, turns out that Audrey is the tour guide.

Joey

Audrey is the tour guide?

Audrey

Yeah the pay sucks, but it allows me to combine two of my passions. Performing in front of a small audience, and getting strangers to fall in love with me.

Audrey

[to Joey, as Jen answers her phone] So do we like this Charlie?

Joey

We don't really know this Charlie. She seems to keep this Charlie pretty much to herself.

Audrey

I'm a little concerned. This is all sounding very Nine 1/2 Weeks to me. [Jen hangs up] Booty call?

Jen

Pretty much. Yeah.

Audrey

Oh! I knew it.

Joey

Are you gonna go?

Jen

I don't know. I could use the snuggles.

Audrey

See, that's what I miss most about not having a boyfriend-- the snuggling. It's better than sex. If only guys knew how easy it was to make us happy.

Joey

Yeah, but you know what? Even if they did know, they'd still screw it up. Snuggling to them is merely just a means to an end.

Jen

I mean, I've been seeing Charlie for a week, and the only thing that I really know about him is that his boxers are from The Gap.

Audrey

Well, there are worse things, you know?

Jen

Such as?

Audrey

Well, for instance, he could be a tighty-whitey guy.

Oh!

Jen

Oh, good point!

Joey

Ok. On that note... I'm gonna go to the bathroom, and when I get back, I'd like it very much if this week's episode of Sex and the City had come to an end.

Jen

Ok, Charlotte.

Audrey

I have this theory about you. You want to hear it?

Joey

No.

Audrey

You love academia because of the rules, and you hate relationships because of the lack of them. Joey, no one's gonna grade you on how you handle this, you know? No one's gonna come along and tell you what's expected so you know how to succeed. Relationships are messy. That's their nature. They start messy, and they end messy, and if you ever want to have another relationship in your life, you better just stop worrying about the mess.

Audrey

What are you so nervous about? It's just Dawson. You guys have like known each other since you were placenta.

Joey

Exactly. It's Dawson. My best friend in the entire world who needs me right now more than he probably ever has and that's a lot of pressure. You know, what if I mess up and I say all the wrong things and at the end of the day I'm not enough.

Audrey

You're not happy.

Joey

No, I am happy. That's the problem.

Audrey

Uh huh, because you're neurotic.

Joey

No, because I shouldn't be happy, I mean, my best friend in the entire world just left. I haven't seen him in almost a month and as soon as he walked out of the door, I felt relieved. How horrible is that?

Audrey

It's not horrible, that's honest.

Joey

Why do I feel so guilty?

Audrey

[to a camera] I know, great birthday present. I mean what 14-year-old wants to fend for themselves like an adult? But, I have to forgive her, I know that. 'Cause forgiving her is the only way I'm ever going to be good to anyone else. The part that is really terrifying is that I think that... I don't know, I'm like turning into her. I'm loud, shameless, bossy, and I freak people out sometimes. But I don't think I can change that. 'Cause even if I don't particularly like who I am, at least I know who that is. And even if I tried to change, who the hell knows who I'll be?

Audrey

What? What's wrong?

Joey

Nothing's wrong. That's great, that's it. That's the one.

Audrey

But I'm just sitting there talking to myself.

Joey

Exactly.

Audrey

But isn't it kind of cheesy and vulnerable?

Joey

No, it's you. It's the real you. That girl in the video who's not afraid to look stupid, that's the real you. And for what it's worth, I met your mom and your're nothing like her.

Audrey

I'm just seeking clarification here. Are you the most bookwormy, pathetic person alive?

Joey

Well, according to your party-till-you- drop-out standards, apparently.

Audrey

Tell me something. Does this sort of thing usually work with the ladies?

Pacey

What sort of thing?

Audrey

The 'if I'm this passionate about the sensual art of cooking, imagine how good I am in bed' thing?

Pacey

Mm hmm.

Audrey

Imagine how good you'd do if you actually trimmed your nails.

Audrey

Come on, Joey. That guy is gorgeous.

Joey

Ok, he's gorgeous and... familiar.

Audrey

We have to plot some smart, subtle way for you to meet him.

Joey

How about I go up to him and say, "Aren't you Charlie, the guy who dicked over Jen?"

Audrey

That's Charlie? Charlie the jerk?

Joey

In the flesh.

Joey

I got asked out today.

Audrey

[fakes a gasp] Of course, you said no.

Joey

Of course.

Audrey

Because you're long-suffering and insane and fixated on Dawson.

Joey

How dysfunctional do you think I am?

Audrey

About one lithium pill short of 'Girl Interrupted' status.

Audrey

You totally want me.

Pacey

Audrey, if you're attracted to me, you can just say so. We don't have to play all these childish games.

Audrey

Hmm, Pacey... you're really nice and everything. It's just that... I don't know. You're kind of... boring.