[Dan and Chris are riding back home]
You should be ashamed of yourself.
Don't worry, I am. For many, many reasons.
It was a simple plan! You turned it into some weird monster streaker thing.
The costume was sweltering. And you wouldn't let me out of there!
So, you didn't accomplish the mission, but you did terrorize an innocent lady in her own home. I'm ashamed to call you my minion.
I'm not your minion! [phone rings] Hello?
Hey, it's getting late. Where are you?
[yelling] YOUR HUSBAND'S A MONSTER STREAKER!
Dan, would you please be quiet?
What's a monster streaker?
It's nothing. Dan, just, uh-
I did see something on the news about a guy terrorizing the neighborhood in a monster mask.
It's, well, it's those kids I told you about.
They're almost 6th graders.
Good night, Chris. Put some pants on. [hangs up the phone]
I know, buddy. But, yeah. Let's stop so you can put your pants on. [he and Chris arrive at Dan's apartment late at night] Come on. We need to plan our next move.
I'm thinking maybe my next move is to pretend that this never happened. Summer is over soon, the kids will go back to school and- Hey, why is your street deserted?
This doesn't look good. [Dolores rides her bike and runs over his foot] Ow! My foot!
Let's get inside, quickly! [Harold hits him]
[as Timmy sees him] Chris, get up! We've got to get out of here!
Can't move. Save yourself.
No, no man left behind- This is the way I always thought I'd go.
Well, I mean they're not zombie kids, but basically.
You come after us, we come after you. You got me? Wallets! [Dan and Chris give him their wallets] Next time you mess with us, you'll lose more than your money. Alright, move out.
[The Lemonade Stand Gang ride their bikes off Dan's neighborhood while Harold throws a can to a car]
[voiceover] This is why I'm never having children.
[Dan and Chris are at Ninja Dave's Cookies]
Only Ninja Dave's makes lactose-free chocolate chip cookies.
What's wrong, buddy? We won.
We didn't win. Not in the moral sense.
But we won in the practical sense, which is the only sense that matters.
[The Lemonade Stand Gang are outside destroying the car]
Yeah, but they're just kids. Even if they are hooligans, I don't feel good about wrecking their bikes.
Eh, we taught them a lesson. It takes a village, Chris.
I don't know. How would you like it if someone destroyed your property?
[the car gets destroyed by The Lemonade Stand Gang]
I guess you can answer that question for both of us.
[answers the phone at home] Hello? They did what?! [shows up outside of Ninja Dave's Cookies where the fire fighters are hosing down the fired car] Seriously? The lemonade stand kids did this?
I told you they were bad kids.
They will all disappear. No one will ever know what became of them, except maybe in a weapons factory in North Korea where their tiny hands will be put to work assembling-
Don't you see? I took the low road with Dan and look where it got us.
Maybe you just didn't take it low enough.
That's what I've been saying.
Here's what I've learned from tonight. When you take the low road, you force the other guy to go lower. And that makes you go lower and so on.
That's pretty much how it works. Whoever goes lowest first wins.
No, we're better than this. No more destruction.
I'm not better than this.
Fine. Let's give the baby his bottle.
This is why the other boys pick on him.
[Chris confronts The Lemonade Stand Gang]
Well, well, well. If it isn't the guy with no car.
What? How come I don't get to express my opinions?
It undermines the dramatic effect of my statements.
Look, I tried it Dan's way for a little bit and I didn't like myself very much.
Huh, we don't like you much either.
We've all done things we regret, haven't we?
HHarold
Uh, I ate a frog once.
So let's stop treating each other like enemies and be friends. [Timmy kicks him] Ow!
See, mister, it's like this. Life is a 0-sum game. If you want something, you have to take it from someone else.
That's not true. You can- [Timmy kicks him again] Ow! Not my shins again.
[as he is beaten up by The Lemonade Stand Gang] Ow! Stop it! Ow!
[holding the tape] Now I've got you!
Get him! I want that tape!
[Dan runs off]
[checking his leg] Much better.
[Dan gives Elise the tape and runs off as The Lemonade Stand Gang finds the tape in the car]
[the teacher is having a meeting with The Lemonade Stand Gang's parents in the classroom]
TTeacher
And I'd just like to thank the wonderful efforts of--
[comes inside the classroom] May I have the floor for a moment? I'm a local resident who has been terrorized by a group of juvenile delinquents. [plays a video of the Lemonade Stand Gang] Here's footage of The Lemonade Stand Gang throwing lemonade on an elderly lady. And here's them kicking a citizen unmercifully in the shins.
TSTimmy's Mom
Is that my Timmy?
And if you look outside right now, you can see them destroying a car.
[everyone can see The Lemonade Stand Gang destroying a car outside from the window]
TSTimmy's Mom
[comes out the school and stops her son from destroying a car] Timmy! Stop that at once!
TSTimmy's Mom
Is this what you've been doing? Vandalism? Extortion? I wondered how your lemonade stand was making a thousand dollars a week.
TSTimmy's Mom
Well, no more! All that money is going to charity!
[The Lemonade Stand Gang parents pick up their kids and punish them]
HHarold
[in the car] I regret nothing!
[The Lemonade Stand Gang parents drive away]
[at the end, Dan, Chris, and Elise are at Ninja Dave's Cookies having cookies]
I have to say, Chris, you were right. We didn't need to sink to their level. We just needed to get smarter.
I'm sorry that your car got wrecked.
A master chess player knows which piece to sacrifice and when.
I heard that Timmy and his goons got sent off to military school.
Wait, won't they just come back even more dangerous?
Well, I suggested reform school, but the parents wouldn't go for it.
Stupid parents. They're what's wrong with America.
Actually, when I was hiding in the kid's closet, I got the sense that his mom was involved in his life and really encouraging him to succeed.
That's the problem! My parents had the right idea, they let TV raise me. And I turned out super-duper.
