Dan, Chris and others in “Stupidity”

Turn off the idiot-box, Chris. We have work to do.

Just once, I'd like you to open with "Hey, Chris! How are you today?"

Grow up. We have to end stupidity in this country once and for- What are you watching? Is that guy eating a bucket of mayonnaise?

It's a competitive eating contest. Want to watch with us?

This is your "must-see" television show?

Yep. The Gullet Bowl. What? It's good.

I'm not going to say anything, Chris. I'm just going to give you the slow, sad, head-shake of disapproval.

What are you doing here, Dan?

What are YOU doing here, Elise? I could see Chris watching this drivel, but I'd expect better from you.

Oh, he's not just watching it.

He's going to compete this year. That's right! In the deep-fried bacon eating contest. I've finally found my sport!

There are so many things wrong with that statement I don't even know where to begin. You actually want him to do this?

Of course not. It's terrible for his health. But you can't stand between Chris and empty calories.

I come over here to enlist your aid in destroying the stupidity epidemic, and instead I find myself knee-deep in it!

It's not an epidemic, Dan.

Sure it is! And it's getting worse. Every aspect of our society is serving to make us dumber.

Come on.

Spell-check means you don't have to spell. People don't use encyclopedias, they just get the wrong information from the Internet!

Dan, could you move? You're blocking the TV.

But.

Wow, folks, Thompson's just CRAMMING those fishsticks into his gullet He's the one to beat.

Listen to you! Our whole society is getting dumber as we speak. TV shows just quote older TV shows.

Even if you're right, Dan, how do you expect to-

We now pause for breaking news from the Government Action Center for Action in Los Angeles.

Aw, I wanted to see how the contest ends!

With clogged arteries for the contestants.

Let's go live to the Governor of California, with a special announcement.

Well, hello. My fellow Californians. I'll get right to it. Due to budget cuts, the school year is being downsized to 3 months. Also, textbooks will be replaced by the Internet. So, uh, that's happening. [laughs] Yes sir.

Mr. Governor? Is this a good idea? Further cuts in education?

Are you saying you WANT higher taxes?

I'm just asking if the school system will be able to-

I don't know about that, son. I just let the teachers teach. Because unlike you, I believe in America.

I believe in America, too. It's good, then we're in agreement.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Thank you Governor! And now, back to the Gullet Bowl!

I think I know where to start. Come on, Chris, let's go talk to the Governor.

I should get something to eat anyway. Gotta stretch out the guts. [walks out of the house]

Gross!

You have no idea. He's been sweating bacon fat.