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S1 E20

Dan Vs. · Season 1, Episode 20

Hortence, Jeff and others in “Burgerphile”

[the angry mob upset after being duped, Jeremiah steps in, looks inside and see what Jeff's doing to Dan and he uses his key to unlock the door]

Hortence

[inside] Stop it, Jeff! He's had enough!

Jeff

[tortures Dan by slicing onions on his chest] I'll say when he's had enough! Retract your complaint!

Dan

[crying] NEVER!!

Jeremiah

JEFF! [Jeff's knife drops and stabs the barrel of grease causing it to spill on the floor] What is the meaning of this!? And why is there an angry mob outside demanding free cheeseburgers!?

Jeff

Mr. Burger, what are you doing here?

Jeremiah

What am I doing here!? I'm watching the news, having my midday burger, [grabs Jeff's collar, yelling at him] and what do I see!?

Jeff

I can explain.

Dan

[jumps in] Let me! This wackadoo got my order wrong and then refused to fix it! [throws out onion] Plus, he's been torturing me! Which is seriously uncool!

Jeremiah

What do you have to say for yourself, Jeff?

Jeff

He obviously just ordered wrong.

Jeremiah

[slaps Jeff on the head] I meant about the torture thing.

Jeff

Oh. That. Well, yeah. But I swear he ordered his burger with cheese.

Dan

I said [yelling] NO CHEESE!!

Jeremiah

I've heard enough! Jeff, you've forgotten the first rule of customer service.

Jeff

Um, don't let them go for your eyes?

Jeremiah

[holds the spatula firmly] The customer is always right! [puts spatula away, walks up to Jeff's record, dials Jeff's Customer Satisfaction Counter Dial to 99%]

Jeff

But my perfect record!

Jeremiah

[takes away his frame] I'm sorry, Jeff.

Jeff

[grows furious] NO!!! [chases after Jeff by trying to get back his frame as in doing a tug-of-war, he is unaware that the grease is flowing on Jeremiah's foot, he pulls it causing Jeremiah to slip, Jeff falls as his award is thrown, Jeremiah crashes to the picture frame, Jeff's award lands on the oven now being set on fire, Jeremiah is unconscious] Oh no! What have I done? I-I think I've killed him!

Dan

Probably, but let's not forget why we're all here. You got my order wrong!

Jeff

You don't get it. I have no family, no friends. My perfect record is all I have! [sobbing]

Dan

Wow, you just made me really sad right now.

Jeff

[picks up an unconscious Jeremiah Burger trying to wake him up] Come on, Mr. Burger! Wake up! Please wake up! You're the closest thing I have to a father!

Dan

Hey, does anyone else smell smoke? And hot grease? Boy, I sure hope those two don't -- [fire ignites the grease]

Jeff

Oh, no! Burgerphile! No! [takes out two fire extinguishers and drags them backwards]

Dan

[gets out of chains] Burgerphile! I'll save you!

Jeff

You do care about this place?

Dan

Of course I do. [takes one fire extinguisher from Jeff] I've always cared.

Crunchy

You two aren't so different after all. Major twist, bro.

Dan and Jeff

[yelling] SHUT UP!!

Jeff

Okay! Quick, get the flames on the window!

Dan

This window?

Jeff

Yes, the one on fire!

Dan

[sprays extinguisher at Jeff's face] Now you know how it feels when someone gets your order wrong! [walks away]

[the white powder comes off off Jeff's face, now furious, Dan goes to the counter and drops his extinguisher, Jeff and Dan go into a battle]

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