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S1 E20

Dan Vs. · Season 1, Episode 20

Hortence, Dan and others in “Burgerphile”

[Dan arrives at Burgerphile with his cheeseburger]

Hortence

Oh, hey. Haven't seen you in a while. How have you been?

Dan

Great. Well, not great, but good. Well, not good, despondent. You look nice. Anyway, I just went through drive-thru and you guys got my order wrong. Well, not you, specifically, I mean--

Jeff

What seems to be the problem here?

Hortence

This gentleman got the wrong order.

Jeff

That's impossible. I'm pretty sure the mistake is on your end, sir.

Dan

What?! This burger has cheese on it! I'm allergic to cheese.

Jeff

You must have forgotten to ask for it without cheese.

Dan

I would never forget to ask that! It was the first thing I said!

Jeff

Look, sir. I don't want to call you a liar, but I have a perfect record of customer service. No mistakes. Jeremiah Burger, founder, president, chairman, and CEO of Jeremiah Burger Foods Limited, once personally commended my unblemished track record.

Dan

I don't care if you sprang fully formed from the head of Zeus! You messed up! Either give me what I paid for or give me my money back!

Jeff

Well, neither of those things are going to happen. Mac, Carl. Please escort this gentleman off the premises.

[Mac and Carl grab Dan]

Dan

This is an outrage! I demand satisfaction!

Hortence

I'm really sorry, sir.

Jeff

Don't apologize to him.

Hortence

Sorry, sir.

Dan

I'll get you for this! I will have my cheese-less burger and you shall be blemished, sir! Blemished! [gets thrown outside]

Chris

How'd it go?

Dan

BURGERPHILLLLLLLLLLLE!!!

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