“The Common Cold” quotes from Dan Vs.

Well, you're sick.

Dan

Guess you were right. I'll have to buy you a drink at Bingo.

Dan, I'm sorry to tell you this, but you have a pretty bad case of the common cold. A cold is a viral infection in the upper respiratory tract.

Chris

Are you telling me you've never had a cold before?

Dan

I happen to lead a very healthy lifestyle. [sneezes]

Dan, if you want to get over this thing, you must avoid physical exertion.

Dan

No problem, I've been avoiding it my whole life.

That means no bingo.

Dan

No bingo?! COMMON COLLLLLLLLD!!!! [he coughs]

Well, sorry, there's no cure for the common cold. [walks away]

Chris

Told ya.

Dan

What are you talking about?! If modern science can cure a ham, you can cure a common cold.

With all of the life threatening diseases that are yet to be cured, there's isn't the manpower nor the resources to exhaust on such a mild virus.

Dan

Oh, I get it. You're lazy. [takes the stethoscope away from the doctor]

Hey! Where are you going with my stethoscope?

Dan

To do what you should have done a long time ago. I'm going to cure the common cold! [leaves]

Chris

[gives the doctor his money] For the stethoscope. [leaves]

Chris

Hey, what happened to Giselle?

Elise

Let's just say she's going to need another nose job.

Chris

Wow, that really- [sneezes]

Elise

Oh, no. Now you've got a- [sneezes]

Dan

[satisfied while Elise and Chris stare at him angrily] Don't look at me. I feel great.