(To a girl who is having a yin-yang tattoo done) That's a good choice: yin and yang. Thing is, right now you're thinking yin; when you're 50 years old, you'll probably be thinking yang.
S8 E2Keep It Real
CHChad Hendricks
(About dolphins) You ever look inside the mouth of one? Insane teeth. Rows of them, razor-sharp. They could rip a person to shreds if they wanted to. Oh, and get this. They're the only animal other than humans to have sex for pleasure.
A dolphin? That's what he wanted on his back permanently?
CHChad Hendricks
(Laughs) I hear you, man. I do my best to steer people's decisions so they won't regret it later, but this kid was determined.
What's a tattoo that size go for?
CHChad Hendricks
Uh, that one ran a little over a grand.
A thousand bucks for Flipper?
CHChad Hendricks
200 bucks an hour. What could I say?
(About a man who got a dolphin tattoo) Listen, if he happens to come back in for a, uh... starfish tattoo, let's say, do me a favor and give me a buzz
Tyler, before I hear about the new roommate, what happened to the old one?
I had to kill him. I asked him who his favorite player on the Knicks was, he said Woody Allen.
See, that's funny. I like him.
You don't trust my judgment.
I trust you. It's just this Alex... Kirkland person. What's his major, anyway?
(Chuckles) Art. I know. Scary, okay?
Adam, how many college roommates did you have?
Uh, whew... okay. Let's see, first, there was Todd, but that ended with the whole atomic cat eye incident.
Atomic cat eye incident?
Yeah, you know, when like, someone drinks too much, and they pass out, and you, like, sneak up and...
I don't really want to know. Just ballpark it for me.
Uh... 12, I guess.
12 roommates?! Any of them ever get arrested?
Todd, and it was for public indecency (Chuckles).
Tyler's moving in with a new roommate.
Oh, man! You broke the Mom code and looked him up?
Well, I didn't get any specifics. The juvie record's sealed.
(Reading from Jo's computer screen) Trespassing and criminal mischief. Hmm. Looks like you guys got something in common (Smiles teasingly).
Snakeskin? No indication our vic or his roommate had snakes for pets.
Well, somewhere along the line, our vic had a run-in with a boa constrictor.
The whole Tyler roommate thing... it's gonna be fine. You know, usually people with priors never commit crimes within a five mile radius of where they live.
Oh, get out of here!
Mac, what would you say if I told you I could quadruple your money?
You trying to talk me back into retirement?
I'd say, it sounds too good be true, not to mention illegal.
Oh, it's definitely illegal. You got five bucks on you?
Five bucks? (Retrieving his wallet) This better be good.
The apartment search turn up anything?
Yep... auto greaser, ink jet printer, scanner, glass cleaner, hair dryer... everything you need for printing counterfeit money.
Well, the problem is, everything you just listed is also a regular household item, easily explained away.
Everything but the scanned image of the $20 bill.
Let you in on a little secret?
Hmm.
I used to do this when I was younger.
Really?
Yeah.
You, Dr. Sheldon Hawkes?
Oh, it just feels like a lifetime ago, but, oh, yeah.
(About a perp who is spending counterfeit money) What's he buying?
You name it... cigars, booze, jewelry, clothing... a lot of Adidas track suits.
(Scoffs) Who is he, Run DMC?
Look, honey, I can't get out of here. Can lunch wait, like, an hour?
Scheduled break, babe. You know that. It's now or never, sweetheart.
Are you mad?
Yeah... I am mad, but not at you. At, uh… Run DMC over here.
Felony lunch-jacking. I'll make sure they add it to his list of charges.
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