Adam Ross quotes from CSI: NY

Adam

(holding a magnifying glass to some burnt paper) Is this real? You think someone's in trouble?

Stella

I don't know, Adam. You know, I found these in my apartment after the fire. Now, the edges are singed and the paper's burned, so clearly they were in the apartment before the fire started.

Adam

And you don't recognize the writing.

Stella

No.

Adam

Maybe it's from a friend?

Stella

Oh, and this friend wrote me a note that said, Help me?

Adam

Uh, maybe you're a bad cook.

Adam

Ready for some Heavy Metal 101?

Rock on.

Detective Mac Taylor

What about the waste tank? The weapon could have been flushed.

Adam Ross

Uh... oh, you want me to process the toilets?

Detective Mac Taylor

You asked for more field work, Adam. [Pats Adam on the shoulder] Get to it.

Adam Ross

Uh... oh... I hate poop.

Mac

So why is half the lab out in the hall watching you fly paper airplanes?

Adam

Um... uh... you know, that's a good point. And, um, I'm going to walk away and work and hopefully save my job.

Adam

(nervously) Was it, um, the paper airplanes? Or-or the-the dancing? It was the dancing, wasn't it? I mean I don't-I don't have to dance. And look, I know I say "what up" a lot, and I'll definitely limit the number of times that I say it, but you just need to tell me, boss, what I need to do and what I don't need to do and I'll do it, or I won't do it but you know 'cause this-this is just--

Mac

Adam, Adam. Take a breath.

Detective Stella Bonasera

Hey.

Adam Ross

Hey.

Detective Stella Bonasera

What are you still doing here?

Adam Ross

Oh, some friends of mine stood me up for pizza so just down on top of things, ya know.

Detective Stella Bonasera

Mind if I join you?

Adam Ross

Oh, no, no, please.

Detective Stella Bonasera

Okay, so what do we got? That doesn't look like work.

Adam Ross

It really isn't. I was just curious. You know there are three Sheldon Hawkes in New York state and there are ten Danny Messers.

Detective Stella Bonasera

Ten?

Adam Ross

Yeah.

Detective Stella Bonasera

Don't tell Danny that.

Adam Ross

There's also another six Adam Rosses and there's eighteen in New York state. I was just sitting here wondering, you know, what do they look like or what kind of lives do they live, you know?

Detective Stella Bonasera

Alright, what about me?

Adam Ross

Uh, Stella Bonasera. There's only one.

Detective Stella Bonasera

Trust me, that's enough. Let's try Sid. [Searches] It's a ninety-year-old woman.

Adam Ross

[laughs] I think he was named after his mother.

Detective Stella Bonasera

Alright, Don Flack.

Adam Ross

Don Flack.

Detective Stella Bonasera

Oh, six.

Adam Ross

Wow, six Don Flacks.

Detective Stella Bonasera

Six.

Adam Ross

I like that name. Don Flack. [Deep voice] Detective Don Flack.

Danny

(sifting through the vulture's nest) You are having as much fun as I am, now, buddy?

Adam

Welcome to my world, Messer. The low man on the totem pole gets all the exciting stuff.

Danny

Yeah! And what does that make me?

Adam

Low-man-on-totem's-pole friend

Stella

You know, I'm curious. What was going through your mind when that bomb went off?

Adam

Well, uh, you know how they say your entire life is supposed to flash before your eyes when you think you're gonna die?

Stella

Yeah, I'm familiar with that one. Yeah.

Adam

The only thing I could muster up is when Joey Allen beat me in the head during a dodge ball game in third grade.

Danny

What if she has twins, Adam? You hear stories about people being completely surprised. And you've seen Lindsay, I mean she's huge.

Adam

Whoa.

Danny

She knows it!

Adam

Relax, you saw the ultrasound. It's not twins, all right? You gonna be okay?

Danny

No, no, I'm not. I might go into cardiac arrest once she's giving birth.

Adam

How's Lindsay?

Sheldon

Seven hours and counting.

Adam

She dilated past one centimeter yet?

Sheldon

(pause) That's kind of a personal question, Adam.

Adam

Oh! I'm sorry, I have - I just have eighteen hours and fifteen minutes in the Hours of Labor office pool... six hundred bucks on the line, yo!

Lindsay

Adam, go get a set of keys to a car, any car. Meet me in the garage in five minutes. My water just broke. (as Adam's looks dumbstruck) I'm about to go into labor and you are taking me to the hospital. Go!

Adam

Okay. (walks off in the wrong direction)

Lindsay

Adam...

Adam

(comes back and goes the right way) Yeah, wrong way, sorry, j... just relax. Everything's going to be okay.

Danny

How's Lucy?

Lindsay

She's great. Her first visit to the lab is a big hit.

Danny

(looking across the hall to where Lucy is surrounded by admirers) What, uh...what's Blake doing right now?

Lindsay

Oh, he's so good with babies. She adores him.

Danny

No, she doesn't adore him. The only man in her life is me. (going over To Blake) Hey, buddy! Don't you have some DNA to look at?

Adam

(as Lindsay chuckles) Watch out, Blake, here comes daddy!

Adam

(sees Danny slowly walking down the hallway with the a cane) Race you to the end of the hallway. Oh, hey! Just a little humor there.

Danny

Yeah, well, uh, where are we at on this hotel-room murder?

Adam

Well, behind door number one, we have a silver vase, champagne bottle and all the matching stemware. Behind door number two, we have a wool ski-mask, presumably worn by the killer. So, what's it going to be, Messer?

Danny

It's going to be door number one.

Adam

Ah. Feeling lucky about getting some prints, huh?

Danny

No, it's just a little closer.

Adam

This guy was kinky with his food.

Stella

Care to elaborate on that?

Adam

I think he was sploshing. A sploshing party is an event where a group of people get together and they experience food in a, uh, sensual way. They, um, caress their bodies with foods of different textures and temperatures, and it, uh... it arouses and stimulates and... they say that it excites them and-and... well, I just, again, it's what I've… I've heard, I...

There are specific locations for these...?

Stella

Sploshing parties.

Adam

Oh, you can go to a Web site and get an invitation.

Lindsay

Somebody did a bad thing to a good fencooler.

Adam

You a racing fan?

Lindsay

Anything that rips it up 200 miles an hour, you gotta respect.

Danny

Haha...that's my girl. You grow up in Montana and you love race cars.

Maybe stop cars, but open wheel...that's a whole different thing.

Adam

I know what you mean. Paddle-shift versus stick, front rear wings and you have the whole LCD steering wheel that you basically need an engineering degree to operate.

Lindsay

You race?

Adam

Playstation.

Adam

Those games are very realistic.

Danny

All right, Speed Racer, calm down.